Money and more proof

And this did turn out to be the bonus. He paid me about 60 % of my monthly salary, in the previous years I received 100 % of my full salary.

I had this "client" who came in. Before she came I was zooming in on her trying to figure out where she lived. I had a sense she lived abroad, I saw pictures of a desert and camels in the desert and the sand. I also asked how long she lived there and got the answer 3 years. I also got the word that meant nothing to me but i wrote it down, it was Singaliz. When i told her what I have seen, she said she lived in Africa for 4 years on and off, and about 3 years there straight. When I said the word Singaliz to her, she was very surprised. She told me she lived in Senegal. I was so surprised and so proud of myself!

Basically I need to trust in myself more, even if the messages make no sense to me. They do not have to make sense to me, they have to make sense to the people.

Wow, a powerful proof

I was a little shocked today. Currently I am fighting with P to find out if i get a bonus or not. He has not been forthcoming about it.

However this morning I got a message that I need to relax, and money will come. I also saw a clairvoyant vision of angels bringing me a packet of money. It was just so clear! So very clear that they carried a packat with money and gave it to me. I was a bit surprized but somehow was sure that I will get some kind of money from somewhere. I did not think it was the bonus, but I was sure it was the money from somewhere. So I was at peace because I knew I will get the money.

Then as I walked into the office today, I had a vision of me being showered with money, money was falling on my head like snow and falling everywhere, everywhere, not sure in which currency : )
Then when I came to work today, I checked my salary that they paid me - I saw with huge surprize that I got an extra money (about 6500 USD extra this month) that was totally unexpected (I think it is due to the taxes that I overpaid and they paid me the taxes back, but it doesn't matter because I did not expect that at all).

I am just amazed because I saw a vision of angels bringing money and I got this money.
Amazing! I am more convinced in my clairvoyant powers to see the future. This was a very powerful proof.

I told two of my friends about that.

However what I did not tell them was that I also saw angels bring me a baby, so some kind of baby is coming. I just need to relax and trust.

day 47

I am letting go of the desire to control. I am letting go of the desire of making P give me bonus and sign the dialog. I am letting go of all. The abundance is inside me, I am its source and it is flowing from me. When I focus on the bonus, I shut down the flow. I need to focus on the truth about the abundance. I have it all, It is flowing from me. The promotion I am going to get is inside me and I am going to manifest it. The clients are coming to me in abundance. They are attracted to me because of my purity and my desire to help them. They are coming and coming to me. I am getting better and better very rapidly. Inside me there is a source of knowledge about their lives and affairs.

The divine is helping me greatly by making my channel very pure and very strong. I am a very powerful clairvoyant, I can see all, I can help my clients in all matters.My heart is open and they feel it and they want to come back.
Not the 45 clients that I need but thousands of clients are coming and want my help. they are coming non-stop and their friends and family is coming so that I would help them. I can help them and I help them with all my might.


Update on 6.1.08 To update this, I did get my bonus and P did sign the dialog.

guidance from Maria

I asked Maria, my guide, about why is it that I am not getting the teachers for clairvoyance and why is that door closed. She said to me that the door IS open. The door opened up for me and I entered through that door. I asked about the teacher and heard that I do not need a teacher and that my learning is by doing. She said that I need to keep going with the clairvoyance. I also got an impression that I will have a continuous flow of people for clairvoyance until I need to have it. I also got that this is definitely part of my mission. I am wondering what is next? Amazing. I am also thinking of signing up for S' channeling class to hear the messages better.

Feeling better

I am feeling a bit better about myself. when I start doing clairvoyance, I feel very good about myself. I feel fantastic! I think I have also been waiting for my AF to begin because now my cravings are clearly down and I have not been eating in the evening again. I feel happier when I do the clairvoyance for people. It is so exciting.

feeling disgusted

I have been feeling pretty disgusted with myself. I am bloated, bleeding and have stomach problems. So nasty. My stomach sticking out so badly that I can barely button my pants. However, this is when I need self-loving the most. I have been giving myself love/healing almost every day now.

did I reward myself in Germany?

OK, I did get manicure and pedicure. I was going to buy some nice smelling soaps but could not find them. Instead I bought myself a great smelling hand/nail cream called Instant manicure. I paid 15 Euro for this and it smells fantastic. I also bought a mango smelling oil for my nails from Nail Spa manicure. It is also about 13 Euro. So I did buy nice smelling things.

On to facial and massage. I did not get a massage by a person but I did get a massage at the Thermal spa where I got massage from water falling down. that was nice. I am getting a gift certificate to a nice spa here due to my resignation from my current job and I will go get a facial with this gift certificate. I also did not yet finish day 50. 4 more days to go.

day 46

It is impossible for me to fill any unfulfilled desires as there is this principle of supply in action where I am my own supply. Therefore, it is impossible for me to desire a promotion and not receive it. I will receive the promotion very soon because I will manifest it. My promotion is inside me as I am the source of this happening. It is also not possible for me not to have clients as I am the source of the clients. The clients are coming and they are paying. They are coming and they love the clairvoyant sessions I am giving them. I am truthful, I see what they want me to see, I have the answers they need to receive. The clients are coming and coming and ringing and ringing. I have an abundance of clients and I have an abundance of paying clients who are paying me for my clairvoyance.

I am good clairvoyant, I can see all, I am accurate, I trust myself and my visions and I trust my interpretations of the symbols. My two hemisphere are working together in perfect harmony. They love each other, they are like two brothers and they love working together, like two children building sand castles in a sandbox.

The clients are coming and the flow is not stopping. The promotion is coming, I will be a director. The promotion is on its way and it will find me very soon as I am the source of this promotion. It is because I am so good and so knowledgeable, experienced and confident. I deserve this promotion. I am prosperity, I am confidence, I am love.

feeling blue

What can I say, I am feeling very blue.My AF came also, 2 months after the m/c bleeding.

Sending healing to my friend M

Today I sent healing to my friend M when she had her follicles retrieved. It is important to summarize this here.

This is what I wrote to her as a summary:

Hi M - I just got a sign that I need to stop the healing so I did, it is 9:49 am.I will describe what I have done. First I did the reiki thing to connect to you, however, I sent many angels to you, they were holding your feet, your hands, your shoulders, your chin, they were everywhere.

I asked archangel Rafael to help the doctor remove the eggs. Then there was your guide in shining armor standing behind you.

I also felt that i need to concentrate ONLY on your ovaries today, it is amazing I only did that and the time went by so fast. I first put my hands on your stomach where the ovaries are. I also sent in my white pigeons and they were located on your heart, and I put 2 of them on your ovaries and another on your solar plexus and another one on your basal chakra.

Then I went in and physically held your right ovary in my hands warming it up a little bit. I could also see how many eggs you wouldl have retrieved (I do not know if I am right or not. Comment I saw that she would have 4 or 5 follies retrieved of which I only saw one good one and one embryo being put back) and I could see some good ones - they were violet in color, shining like bright stars in the dark. I could also see not so good ones which were yellow, also shining like a regular stars. So I held your right ovary (this is where i saw the good ones are) but actually I do not know why I held only the right one. After I held you like this for a while, I felt I need to stop. So I took out my hands, and saw you as ababy whom I needed to rock in my arms.

So I did - it was very touching/moving for me. I directed a lot of love towards that baby (you). Then I felt I need to put you in a pink sea of love which I did. Btw, do you like to swim? You were swimming there like a dolphin then you waived at me once, then waived at me twice (waived good bye), this is how I knew I needed to stop.I also got some instructionsn for you and a message. The message is very important. I got a message that things will work out for you wiht the baby in their own timing, so we do not know when it will be but they will work out. Then I received an instruction for you that you should call in sick tomorrow and spend this weekend doing something nourishing for your soul.

rewards

I decided to reward myself with a trip to baths thing in Germany next week. My reward for finishing 40 days is manicure/pedicure AND a massage. I will give myself a reward of finishing all 50 days of the prosperity program of facial, which I really need.

I am also going to go to Bonn on a hunt for a new pink coat. My new coat is only going to be pink and I am going to Bonn to look for it.

day 45

My supply of love is totally unlimited. My supply of ALL is totally unlimited as I am the supply of all, my divine mind, my awareness of the divine mind inside.
My love is so great, it is outpouring into the universe and permeates every living creature. These creatures are sensing my love, and attracted to it and start moving towards me. They move towards me and come to me in great numbers, and I am so ready to receive them and give them my love. I am not embarrassed, but I am very proud of the vast amounts of love inside me. I can no longer hide it but I want to proudly display my unconditional love to all. I am loving all, I am helping all, I am ready to help and I am ready to receive payment for my help. I am so ready to receive 550 crowns for one visit as I am giving so much to my clients. They are loving it and they want to pay more. They cannot get enough of what I have to offer. I am enjoying the feeling of sharing my love and getting something back for it, so that the exchange could continue.

H's new job

I saw that H will get another job in 3 months, which takes us to February. I also saw the same picture of him walking out of his current job happy, in a good mood, it's a sunny day and he has something in his pocket which I believe is a job offer.
I do not feel he will return to Denmark, but I do not know that.

day 44

I am my own supply, my soul is my own supply. I have an infinite supply of love that I am SO READY to share with the world. The clients are coming to me and coming to me in great numbers. I am READY to share. I am ready to talk about the love inside me. The love is burning, so that it needs to come out! It must come out!! All this love and compassion needs to come out right NOW.
_____________
What are the next steps for me? Advertising but where? I am already advertised in the list of alternative practitioners. Now I want to participate in the fair, but the fair is closed, so I can only be put on the waiting list. What else can I do? I may be speaking at the meeting that my friend H. is organizing. I also need to manifest that. But right now I am focusing on love to myself. Loving myself for one month is all I need to do. So I will do it continuously until mid January. I can also advertise in another magazine and in the newspaper.

For now I need to focus on my clairvoyance practice and get more people that I can help. Perhaps by helping with clairvoyance, I can offer other things that I am doing. Let's see.

days 42 and 43

4.12.07 Day 42
I am a mastermind. I can do all. I believe in myself, in the divine presence inside me. The source of abundance and love is within me.

5.12.07 Day 43
I know the truth. I know that the abundance is within me. I can create all, I can create and am creating the future I want. I am creating my future and I am helping my clients to create their future by sharing my love with them, by empowering them, by teaching them to love themselves. It's the power of love that will transform them. My work will transform them. They are coming to me, all of them are coming in great numbers, to receive help and to learn to love and be empowered. They are coming to me and cannot stop coming.

free clairvoyance and loving my brain

As of today I am starting to offer free clairvoyance to people who are interested. I have one lady who is coming on Monday. I tried this with my friend H on the phone and I was so right. It was amazing! I was right about things. So great!
I have not done it in person yet, but I will try it on Monday. I went to my teacher T yesterday to get his feedback into some of the problems and he gave me so much support and help. I am so grateful to him. I am going to write him a letter telling him big THANK YOU. ALl I understood is that I have the skills and see very good pictures and all I need is practice, practice, practice.

I did not post about abundance day 42, but I did it anyway yesterday even though it was so late and I was so tired.
I have also been feeling quite unhappy so I decided to just do self-healing focusing on love for 30 days again. Only focusing on self-love. Yesterday I loved my fatty stomach that has been bothering me. Today I have been loving my left hemisphere that is so logical. I saw it as a child and I saw that it was crying and was not happy because it felt I do not like it anymore. I felt it was like a rivalry between the left (logical) and right (creative and visual) parts of my brain. I also saw a picture of the two of them play together like two children and asked if I saw a future past or present and I got the answer that this is the future. THey were playing like two kids in the sandbox, but today the left brain is very jealous of my attention to the right brain. So I comforted it as much as I could.

I have also become SUPER sensitive to food. I can sense if the food is fresh, or has been frozen and also if the food is good for me or not. I clearly feel now that I am attracted to specific foods. It is very strong. Quite amazing.

I also have not had my period now for almost 3 weeks but I do not think I am pregnant. This is some hormonal thing going on.

More on prosperity thing today.

day 41

I am God, I am almighty, I can do all. Inside me is this infinite source of love. My clients are sensing this love, and they are coming to me. They are kocking on my doors. I am ready for them, I am ready to receive them, ready to help them. They come to me unhappy and leave happy. They come feeling unloved and leave feeling loved. They have a feeling that they are in touch with the source of love inside them as it is my purpose - to connect them with this source inside themselves. They come and leave happy and they send their friends, relatives, acquaintances so that they would come and get in touch with the source of love, to realize that they are divine beings, who are worthy of love and who are loved by all and everyone. My home is filled with people who want my help, so many that I need to quit my job and help people full time. I am able to manifest that I am able to live comfortably as the prosperity is the source inside me that is tied to my limitless source of love.

Day 40

I believe with all my being in the principle of abundance. I place trust in God that I am getting whatever is best for me. i believe and accept what is the divine will as with every move and every choice come lessons learned. I have a lot of love, I have this infinite source of love that is needing to come out. The clients are waiting and they are coming to me. they are coming to me to receive and to give. I have an infinite source of knowledge and wisdom that is flowing. It is flowing out of my mind and my heart to the clients that come and pay me with pleasure. they cannot thank me enough, they are eternally grateful for the help and love I am giving to them.

manicure and other things

I did get a manicure as a reward for myself. The girl who did it was not good though. I look forward to getting manicure/pedicure in Germany. I want to do something nice for myself as I finish this prosperity program. I want to do it for 50 days, not 40 days. New things are coming to me.

I did learn yesterday that my colleague, M is going to quit at the end of December. So I may be able to get his job. I feel that my heart doesn't want to leave my current company. Should I cut it off, should I take this other job to which I agreed? I should speak with M's boss if there are opportunities in his department. I should think about it.

day 39

When I connect with the source of love inside me, I am in the flow. Love flows into me, through me and out of me, giving to me and to my clients. I am loved, I am loving, I am LOVE. With love flowing out and me giving it to myself and others, I receive from myself and others. Thus abundance is inside me as I give, I receive. As I give without any limitations, I receive without any limitations.

Day 38

Prosperity is within me. Prosperity is love. Divine love, manifestations of unconditional love is prosperity. I am the source of prosperity. I am the source of unconditional love. The clients are coming to me in great numbers. They want me to give love and they want to give to me. It is a fair exchange. I give love, and they give in exchange. They love giving to me as the love they receive from me is priceless to them.

day 37

I only need to be aware of this simple truth, and everything will come to me - clients, promotion and anything I want. There is no such thing as not being able to receive. All will be given to me. I have this source of love inside that I can give to my clients, I have this source of confidence and power that will come through at my new job. Because i am a self-sufficient spirit, manifesting everything into reality, anything will succeed in my life. I can do all, I can solve all, I can do all.

day 36

All my needs/desires are fulfilled.I am filled with love and give to my clients and teach them how to love, teach them that love is the answer. I teach them that abundance is a state of mind, teach them that they have perfect bodies, perfect minds and that they are perfect beings and that they are very very loved.

day 35

Wow, things are getting better and better. My supply of abundance and love is unlimited. I am filled with unconditional love to myself and others. I love my clients unconditionally. I love them as I love myself, unconditionally. This love towards me and my clients fills up my heart, and starts overflowing from my heart chakra to the universe. My clients are sensing my unlimited love for them and they are coming forward allowing me to give love to them and realizing my mission. They are coming in great numbers, and I can give to all of them as my supply of love is, truly unlimited as I am the source of love. I AM LOVE. I emanate it with every cell of my being. I am beaming love into the universe, to heal the sick and to help the sufferers. Every cell of my being is illuminated with the light of love shining beautifully, like a beautiful star. With my love coming through me, I am in the flow. I give to my clients with love,and I receive. Love is abundance, love is prosperity. I am rich in love, I am rich in abundance.

job offer

I received a job offer today from another company here and the money is looking very good. However I need to find out if I am able to take time off when I need to.
I also turned down the job in Germany today but need to write them a nice letter.

Day 34

I am a spirit; I am my own supply. My supply is unlimited. I have supply and I have a lot of energy and love and I am ready to share that with others.They are waiting for me, and I am moving towards them. To help them is my mission, and I am moving towards fulfilling my mission.

Day 33

I am conscious of infinite prosperity; I am concsious of the truth. I am conscious that I need to follow my passion and my mission, and good things will come to me. My clients are waiting, I am passionate about helping them. I want to take them under my wings. I feel them, see them, know them and moving towards them.

day 32

My soul is the mastermind, its purpose (my purpose) is to create happiness and prosperity for me and around me. They are waiting for me to make them happy, to take away their pain, to show them the way. I feel them in my heart, see them in my mind's eye, and moving towards them.

day 31

God is all. I am God. God is my divine consciousness. God is all powerful; therefore I am all powerful. Jeg kan alt.

A reward for day 20

And I did schedule a reward for myself. I am getting a MANICURE next Friday.

promotion, part dieux

Ok, he said no about the promotion. I feel that I have handled this issue so well. I felt so entitled and so confident inside!
However to be so at peace I really need to do youga 3 times a week because of this job. So it gotta go. On another hand, I got this job offer from another company.

day 30, 10 more days to go

The spirit inside me is the source of all. the limitless source of abundance is inside me.

promotion

Today I am going to walk into my boss' office and demanding a promotion. I feel I deserve it. I also feel that I need to tell him that I qualify for this, I have enough points to get it, and if I do not get it here, while I prefer to stay at my current job, I will EASILY and EFFORTLESSLY get it an another organization.

I CAN nail it!

dancing with the stars

I think I knew that Jenny Garth will be eliminated in this round. I believe Marie Osmond will be eliminated next. Let's see if it happens or not.

I just read what I wrote a week ago and it is not true. I thought Marie Osmond would be eliminated and it actually was Jenny Garth.

day 29

I am thinking of doing this program for 50 (not 40) days.

I am aware of God's mind inside me and it makes me fulfilled. When I am aware, I am in the flow. When I am aware of this truth that I have the source of abundance and limitless fulfillment inside me, all good things will come to me and I am fulfilled. When I am aware, I can manifest anything I want, need and desire.

Day 28

My awareness of the divine spirit inside me is the only thing that will lead me to the infinite prosperity. It is my spirit that is rich in manifestation and abundance that can provide anything I need and want.

Day 27

My only responsibility is to be aware of the truth that inside me I have a limitless source of abundance which is my spirit. My spirit will provide for me regardless of what I need. All my needs will be fulfilled.

Talking to my friend the Butterfly

When I spoke to my butterfly friend, she suggested a few things about my course. Well, what I can do it take out their body parts and see what is happening to their hearts, etc which is my specialty. They could also paint their body parts with pencils.

But we did some clairvoyant thing on the upcoming workshop that we are both taking. So this is what I saw: I saw that the auditorium where we would take the course will be huge and shaped like rainbow - each row will be shaped like a rainbow rather than be a straight line like you would see in a normal classroom.
Then my friend wants to get into the next course that starts after we finish our course but she cannot because she is not eligible before she finishes this course. I saw her run into the teacher in the toilet. I can see her standing with her back to the door, facing the teacher. The toilet is empty, there is no one there and I can see that the counters where the sinks are are grayish white and look like they are made of marble. the teacher is facing the door. My friend saw EXACTLY the same picture, also with gray counters and with the teacher facing the door. I see my friend with her left side to the mirrors and the teacher with the right side to the mirrors but my friend saw herself with her right side to the mirrors and the teacher with her left side to the mirrors.

I saw that the teacher is wearing a dress, below the knee, with purplish blue flowers, it is somewhat transparent or semi-transparent. I can see that there is something green in her clothes but cannot see what it is. I can also see that she has this small cream colored purse. This is what I told my friend, but a moment ago I saw that she has a similar color shoes with short hills-4.5 to 5 cm and cream color pantyhose. Oh I cannot believe this myself but I am writing this down to see if I am write about this so that I could confirm.

I also saw my friend in the course that she wants to take, with her sitting in the first or second raw, in a small auditorium and I can feel our teacher's presence there.

Also my friend believes that she and a teacher had a contract of some kind in their past life. Immediately when she said that, I saw a picture of my friend sitting with with a large piece of paper, reading something and having a pen in her hand, as if she is getting ready to sign something, and I feel our teacher sitting across from my friend.

OK, now I focused on the teacher's husband and could feel that he is divorced and I think he had two wives before he married the teacher. I believe he was married twice before. I believe he has 3 children. I want to confirm this somehow. He also has a dog or I see him at the beach with a dog who is this reddish/sand color dog with long fur - golden retriever.

day 26

All my desires and needs are fulfilled and are being fulfilled because the supply is inside of me and is unlimited. It can fulfill ALL my needs and desires. As soon as I make a choice which way I want to go and what I want in my life, I should just watch and see how things are being manifested into my life like a storm.

Day 25, 15 more days to go

My supply is unlimited. My supply is awareness of the all providing divine mind inside me. My knowledge about this truth is unlimited; therefore my supply is unlimited. I have my own source inside me, this source is all providing, whatever my needs and desires are, it will provide, all I need is to be aware of this truth.

Iceland

I ran into this trip to Iceland with my teacher from the school. The reason why I was taken by this idea is because I saw the mountain in my vision that I was flying towards with my butterfly friend. I saw this mountain on a picture of this brochure from the trip. The trip is in May. I also got a message that I need to let the Butterfly know about this so I did.

On another note, I was watching S. give initiations in Reiki I to students and I saw a HUGE angel in the corner that was moving as S. was moving. It was a HUGE white male angel. The amount of energy in that room was enormous.

I also practiced Reiki I initiation with this girl, Anne, she was very powerful. I could clearly feel that there was a plate in my back when she drew a Raku sign on my back. When she opened my crown chakra I felt? or saw? that my head was sliced in two. When she held my heart chakra, I felt that I was a bird and she held me in her hands with lots of love and care. That was so nice. i was touched and had tears in my eyes.

When I initiated her, I could clearly feel the energy going from my fingers into her hands and into her crown chakra. In fact, she was completely covered in this reiki colored goo.

Day 24

My supply and my source is within me. My supply is my soul, the divine mind inside me that is connected to the Divine. All that I need is inside of me. All I need to do is to be aware of this truth. No need to do anything else.

Day 23

The only truth is that the divine presence is inside me and that presence has unlimited abundance and can manifest all. I am the true source of infinite prosperity. when I am conscious that I am the source of prosperity/abundance, I become prosperity and abundance.

Dancing with the stars

I am making a prediction about dancing with the stars -the next one to go home is Mari Osmond. There will be Jenny Garth or the Spice Girl left. I feel that Melanie Brown is more likely to win.

Let's see.

Reading my old entries from this blog

Yesterday I read my old entries from this blog when I started it. I cannot believe how much I have changed! Before I needed reassurance that i am not crazy with all these visions, before I did not BELIEVE, but now I do. I am a completely new person. I made so much progress.

I can also see that some of the predictions I have made did not come true. For example, how long things will take. But most of them did come true. It happened exactly how the voice inside me said it would be. Amazing. It is a proof!

Day 22

My souls is a mastermind. It is connected to the Divine and can manifest everything I desire, as long as I am aware of this truth. My soul can give me all. All I need and want is within me, waiting to come forth. All I need is to be aware that my soul=divine mind is the substance and the source.

From day 2: the purpose of my soul is to manifest all good that is inside of me into all good that is outside of me. From day 12: my soul is the source of infinite prosperity.

This is getting a bit repetitive. I still need to do it for 18 more days. However i can clearly see the progress

baby, uterus and fair

During my morning meditation, I saw my uterus and healed it from that tissue. Then I saw a fetus inside that started growing. Then I saw a blond baby boy playing inside my uterus. I also had a dream today where I bought a baby in a supermarket and was nursing it.

Then I was meditating on different faires and saw myself at a fair in Hamburg in the spring. I also saw myself in my friend Butterfly's home giving a workshop with her. I saw saw how useful the hypnosis education would be for me. I can definitely use it.

Day 21

God is within me. I am God. God is all powerful and since it is within me, I am all powerful and all providing source of ALL. God within me can do all and can make anything happen, and it is super powerful and super strong. The source within is unlimited. I tap into my own infinite source to create reality I desire and prosperity.

radical forgiveness program

I did the first part of the radical forgiveness program - it is so powerful to write down everything you feel guilty about - I feel sweaty and feel nauseous. I also cried a lot about a few things. I felt so guilty, so ashamed and so sad.

Asking for guidance

Today I received my guidance about the following
About my unborn son. I received information from him past week that he wants to be born and that for that I need to love him and believe in him. OK, today I asked him again what I should do and got the same answer that i need to love him. In order to love him, I need to love myself. He cannot guide me what I should do to get him but the guidance will be coming from me. He also said to me Find my Daddy. i asked if H is the father, and had a feeling that he is not. I want to ask some more about this.
I did a scanning of myself. I was covered in red energy of love. I saw something dark around my throat chakra and solar plexus. I also zoomed into my uterus and saw that some place in the uterus looked very very hard. I asked what it was and got an answer that it was grief about my fallen angel. I need cry heal this grief. I also learned that Egg that will create my son will come from the right side. Right now the that egg is sleeping and will wake up when the time is right.

I asked about what courses I should take and got an answer wait and see what falls into my lap. I also asked what should I do to start my healing business and go an answer that I should clean my apartment and then i could begin. I also heard that I should stay at my current job and something will change around April. I also heard the word "promotion" again.

Day 20, half way done with the program!

I am half-way done with the program. I want to promise myself to reward myself for getting this far. What does my heart desire? It desires a manicure and pedicure at this moment. So I need to schedule an appointment, together with a haircut.

However, this is what I wrote - I need to keep my mind off financial and other affairs and place it inside me. I need to focus inside me on the divine presence and keep strong faith in the principle of abundance. I am using this principle NOW. By placing my attention n the divine spirit inside, I ensure that all my needs and desires are being met. I witness this principle in action every day. I have all I need inside, which is the source of my abundance.

Day 19

To be fulfilled, I need to be aware of the divine consciousness inside me and I will be instantaneously fulfilled. I will be instantaneously and effortlessly fulfilled and get what I need and desire instantaneously if I am aware of the truth. All I need to do is relax and be aware and all will be given to me. When I am aware of the truth, I am in the flow.

A letter of rejection

Today when I returned from in-laws, I checked my mail and found a letter from M. As I held this letter, I strongly felt that it was a rejection letter. It hit me very strongly. So I took it home and opened it and that's right, it was a rejection letter. She rejected me because she felt that what I am looking for, she cannot give me. So no clairvoyance courses for me with M. But I suppose there is a different purpose to this and now I am not held here by the courses.

I start feeling more and more that I need to leave this country, but where should I go?

Day 18

All I need to do is be conscious of God within me and it is capable of providing everything I desire and manifesting all I need. I need to be conscious, aware and understand this truth and all will be given to me. Al I need to do is just believe.

My decision about M.'s course

I was a little torn about the clairvoyance course, but last night two things happened. I met with T and learned that he is also stuying clairvoyance and mediumship. Then I realized that a lot of resistance was due to my own negative feelings about this kind of work. Then I talked to him how much I want to do platform clairvoyance because I am this little clown and I love the spotlight and love making people laugh, and realized that it was NOT ego driven,but rather it was my mission because thinking about it made me extremely happy on a soul level. We talked about that a little. I also quite liked M. because thinking about meeting with her, makes me smile. Then I sent her an email asking her if she is going to provide reassurance for us during this process. On the way home while driving, I got a message saying that of course she is going to provide it. I also got a message that said (in the local language) "She is a very kind woman. She will take care of you. Then I also realized that when I sent email to M., I was smiling, because i was thinking about our meeting and it was so nice! So I felt good about the course last night and today I feel the same, so I just signed up. So exciting! I feel bubbles of joy inside about this.

Interesting thing was while I was walking to M. home on Wednesday this week, I enjoyed the smells of the trees. I have never been in that area before, even though it is close to my home, but there was this wonderful smell in the air. As I was walking towards her house, I was very happy inside and somehow had a feeling that I was walking home.

Day 17

First of all, I feel good about my decision to study with M. Let's see if she responds and takes me in.

Now my thoughts- It is God's responsibility through my divine mind to be an limitless source of abundance and provide all my needs and desires. It is not my responsibility. All I need is to allow the divine mind provide for me,by being conscious of this truth. that's all I have to do. The rest is God's job to provide and manifest all my needs and desires into being.

I see a difference between day 7 and day 17. In day 7 I say I need to trust that God will provide all I need but in day 17 I do believe that he will provide for me. Wow, that is a huge difference. In day 7 I also talk about the need to let go of me doing things and have confidence that the divine will help, but in day 17, I have let go and have confidence and do let the divine help me. I have no anxiety and very little fear today. Big difference in only 10 days!

See what I wrote in day 7.
I need to let go! Need to trust that God (the divine) will take care of things with the best results. Trust in God! My divine mind has unlimited source of abundance and unlimited supply. The only thing I need to do is to be aware of this source/unlimited supply and to let go of trying to control AND have trust and confidence that God (the divine mind) will provide for me according to my needs and wishes without any limitations. There are no limitations in what can be provided! None, as the supply is unlimited. I am loved and supported and get all the help I need. My divine mind is my connection to the universal divine and I know that the divine loves me and is helping me every step of the way. All my wishes have been fulfilled and are being fulfilled.

Day 16

Because supply inside is limitless, and I can manifest everything I need and desire, it is not possible for me not to have my needs and desires met. All of my needs and desires have been met, are being met, and will be met. There is no limit to what can be met, the only limitation is my left brain that can only think of limited solutions. I need the needs and desires come from my soul and divine mind which have absolutely no limitations, and then the divine mind and soul inside me really can create miracles and can really make these things happen.

Good things will come, I just have to have faith and patience because when the time is right, they will come. I have to wait and trust that the best for me will come. At the same time, I can create via the efforts of my mind and soul manifesting EVERYTHING I desire.

The only thing in day 6 that I said that I did not say here was that "My inner source and inner supply is the only true source of my happiness."

TaDA!

I met with a famous clairvoyant, known from TV, and she tested me and thought I have good skills.She also told me that I will get a child when the time is right. She said that she sees me leaving this little Shengen state at the end of this year.

She gave me something to hold in my hand to see if I get any feelings about it. Immediately I started seeing pictures of an older woman with grayish hair, overweight, long skirt, with broomstick, looking like peasant. Then I felt she is like a grandmother, is very caring, I saw a kitchen and her cooking there. When M. asked me about her family I sensed that she has a husband, but he seems far away as if they are divorced. Then I zoomed into her children situation and saw 3 heads but it was not so clear.
It was very hard as I was constantly doubting myself and trying to analyze if the information is coming in as pictures or as feelings or as messages. So there was resistance and some blocking that I could feel. I also felt that it was all my imagination. However, what I sensed about this woman was correct, other than her cooking as she does not cook. She is older, overweight, wears skirts mostly, not pants. Have grandmotherly feel about her. She is divorced and has 2 children and one abortion/miscarriage. I was very impressed by what I have done.

She did some clairvoyance on me and was able to say that I have something about me that makes me travel around. she said that I will be using everything I have learned in about 2-3 years. She said that I have many talents and interests and want to pursue all of them, and not happy if I cannot do something. So she told me to relax and just let things come. She also said that my throat chakra and solar plexus chakra had problems (block in the throat chakra and something else in another chakra)
Initially, I was not sure if I want to do this, but later I got very happy. I came out feeling happy. I did not want to leave.

In fact, I really want to do platform clairvoaynce and while I do not really like psychometry, I want to tell people what they are going through now and what their future holds. She also told me that we have to have 40 clients (for free) and she will teach us how to get clients and what to say to them which is my main problem - doubting myself.

Day 15

So it's day 15, 25 more days to go.

My consciousness, awareness and knowledge of my divine mind is unlimited. My divine mind is the limitless supply. Therefore my supply is unlimited. All I need to do is be forever conscious of this truth, of the truth that the only true source is inside of me, and I will be supplied with everything I need. My divine mind and soul can provide all, and it can supply all. I am so thankful for that.

From day 5 I took the same notes about my thoughts, phrased differently.

My heart's playing with me

My mischievous heart was playing with me during the reiki healing. I did the emotional healing of the heart today and saw my heart crying on one hand, but the tears were not real, it wanted some attention, so it cried with big tears coming out of its eyes, and then it looked at me to see what reaction this is getting from me - so I held it and said of course I love you and I hugged it and I laughed at it being so mischievous. I felt it wanted to play.

I also started to eat emotionally and I have been eating a lot of my favorite hazelnuts. I thought that maybe I need to eat them and I am lacking some vitamins but the nuts do not taste great, so it means I do not need them for nutrition. So it is emotional eating again, so this morning I cut the cords to the nuts and also to some little sugar cravings.

conversation with my guide

I just had a very powerful conversation with my guide during my morning meditation.
I asked about my current job - should I stay there vs. the job where I interviewed last week. I got an immediate answer that I should stay at my current job and that things will improve there. I asked how long should I be there and got an answer of
6 months which will take me into April. I guess I will ask what's after that?

I also asked if I got pregnant from H's visit this weekend and got an answer no and that I should wait 3 months. Then I asked about my love life, and got an answer that I will find a partner - this came as a sentence and the it looked like this You will find a Partner - partner was written with a capital P. Then I got a message that there will be a lot of love between us and that I will be surrounded by love.

These were such a great messages! And the messages I am getting are coming in sentences now. It was like WoW!

New course in forgiveness

My fly friend recommended this course in forgiveness. This may be an answer to my prayers - as I need and would like to forgive my father, for my own sake.

I want to do this course.

day 14

Today is day 14 and these are my thoughts. Consciousness of the spirit inside me is my supply. All I need to be is aware of the spirit inside me; this spirit is God (the divine) inside me. I need to focus my consciousness on it, and this is all I need to do, as this spirit inside is the true source of limitless supply. All I need is to be aware of the spirit to manifest this supply into abundance.

In day 4, I wrote about divine presence within me which I need to be conscious of. Otherwise, very similar.

my new talisman

Forgot to mention that my new talisman, the hand with aquamarine, arrived about two weeks ago, in mid-October. It was sent to me from Israel and then via my mom. It has a blessing of a rabbi, and I can feel that it is such a powerful necklace. When I put it on for the first time, I felt the tightness around my neck. Aquamarine helps people speak up and it acts on the throat chakra. So I felt like there was a scarf around my neck when I put on this necklace. Wow! I also speak up much more about my needs after I got this necklace.

I also feel that I have pain in my body - tension in my shoulders every time I walked out of my office into the common area where my colleagues are sitting.

Day 13

When I am conscious of my divine mind and soul, when I am conscious that the source of prosperity is within me, when I am conscious that I am the only source of abundance, I become prosperous and have abundance. I am on the path of prosperity when I am conscious and aware that within me is the only source of it. I can focus and manifest all good to come into my life because of the endless, limitless source inside me.

Compared to day 3 -I thought that I am the source of true prosperity and that prosperity is my true state of being.

Day 12

My soul is divine and it is the source and substance of all. It's the source of infinite prosperity. Everything I need is inside my divine soul.

Compared to day 2, in day 2 I talked about my soul being a mastermind and a manifester of all I want. My soul has unlimited powers and it can create all I want and can make everything good to come into my life.

Day 11

I just found the time to do this - this is a repeat of these affirmations so day 11 is actually day 1.
My thoughts: God is inside me, inside my conscious. I am connected to the divine source. God (inside me) is the source of endless abundance. I am the source of endless/limitless abundance.

Day 10

"I keep my mind and thoughts off this world and I place my entire focus on God within as the only cause of my prosperity. I acknowledge the inner presence as the only activity in my financial affairs, as the substance of all things visible. I place my faith in the principle of abundance in action within me now.

My Thoughts: i only need to focus on God within me and be conscious and aware and it is the only source of my prosperity. I have faith that I have abundance and I have abundance. I have all I need inside which is the source of my abundance.

Day 9

"When I am aware of the God's self within me as my total fulfillment, then I am totally fulfilled. I am now aware of this truth. I have found a secret of life and I relax that the activity of divine abundance is eternally operating in my life. I simply have to be aware of the flow, the radiation of that creative energy which is continuously, easily, and effortlessly pouring forth from the divine consciousness. I am now aware. I am now in the flow."

My thoughts - all I need is to be aware and I will be in the flow. All I need is to be conscious of God's mind inside me, of its limitless source and supply, and I will be in the flow. The supply is effortlessly, easily and continuously coming forth in everything that I do when I am aware. When I am aware, I am in the flow. Because I know this Truth that I need to be aware of God's consciousness in me, and then things will come flowing into my life in abundance, in unlimited amounts, I can just relax and enjoy this. I can enjoy being in the flow.

My first ad just came out in this newsletter

My fertility ad just came out in this newsletter. Way cool! I just sit back and relax and wait for phone calls. I cleared up my Wednesday for a client, let's see.

Not working out with fertility clinics so far

It'snot working out with fert. clinics so far. Something is blocked. The door was locked today again! I have to mail them the flyers.
Now I am thinking of targetting the accupuncture clinics. The one I used to go to. Let's see.

What I should do at my current job

I have been just meditating and I was strongly guided to do a couple of things at my current job -
to talk to this guy in the US I am working with and offer my help with a project. I have also seen it is possible that I may be asked to move temporarily at our company in the US to work on one project there. I want it to be a temprorary move. thís is the third time I am receiving this message.

Then I was guided to talk to one woman at work whom I do not like, but now I noticed that she is actually very nice and a very good leader. She actually looks like a man but she is very powerful and very good operationally wise. I was told to approach her and ask her to mentor me and be my role model as a strong woman. This is a second
time I got this message.

Then I got this message to talk to this nasty guy at my current job who is very good at creating a buzz about himself to ask him advice on how to make myself more visible.

All in all it is all good. I can see how this new gift I have, this increased sensitivity is useful.

Day 8

I could not hear the whole tape, it was mumbling a little bit, but these are my thoughts: My awareness of the divine spirit within me and itsunlimited source is the way to prosperity without any limitations. This awareness will lift me up to a conmpletely new level of livign with a mind set of abundance and focusing on the unlimited source. Focus on the source (divine mind within me) will elead me to a new life of abundance.

Withdrew from swiss application

And I am very proud of myself - I called the recruiter about the job in Switzerland and told them that I would like to withdraw. Then they said why are you withdrawing, just wait to benchmark your position against others if you get selected as the final candidate.

I however, had a strong feeling today that I must withdraw but these women convinced me that I should stay in the race. However now I felt that I must decline so I just emailed them that I officially would like to withdraw. I just have a feeling that I had to do it.

Today and also yesterday I had a strong feeling that I must sms T. to change our appointment to 5 instead of 4:30 and I did. He was very happy, he actually wanted to meet later because he was afraid that the doors would still be closed and he did not have the key. My intuition is really really improving!

emotional healing today

Today I had an emotional healing with T., who is a student healer. He is very very good. I thought it was very interesting what happened today in light of recent events and me feeling unhappy.

We did healing of the inner child exercise. It started off with a meditation where I was laying under the tree, and then I was guided that there was a child that appeared from somewhere. I was asked to describe that child. The child was a boy, very concentrated, very serious, he kept walking in a certain way. I was asked to get his attention but I could not, no matter what I tried. He ignored me or did not see me. I felt he did not like me.Then when I tried sitting next to him and blocking his way, I saw myself sitting but now I was wearing a thick mask. The mask look like it was smiling but it was a smile of pain. These would be questions between T (T) and me(M)
T Why are you wearing a mask?
M for protection
T Why do you need protection?
M i am afraid they will hurt me.
T How will they hurt you?
M They will take things from me and not give me anything back
T What would you need for them to give back to you
M To give me love and care
T what if they give you love and care and tell you that they would do anything for you
M I would not believe them
T what do they need to do for you to believe them
M I need to see that in action to be convinced
T What if you see it over and over again
M then I will believe it
T How do you feel when you feel that you get love and care?
M I saw that the mask has disappeared but it got replaced by another mask - a thinner one. I am wearing a strange feather like suit like for a masquerade and wear a thick layer of make up (like a mask covering my face)
T Why do you need this mask
M to cover who I really am
T Why do you need to cover who you really are
M Because they would not like me
T What makes you think they would not like you, did you do something to them that would make them not like them
M No /because I do not like myself
T why do you not like yourself?
M No answer
T imagine that they do like you
M my mask disappeared but I was wearing a chicken suit. My head was sticking out of a chicken suit but no mask.

Then I was asked to focus on a child again. This time it was another child, it was me, at about 4 y.o. I was looking sad and serious. I was not a happy baby. I (the child) was told to take me (the adult) to a special place. I ended up in my kindergarten, in one of the rooms where we had a zoo club where I stole a white mouse as a child. Then we were playing, and I sensed that I had this block in my chest around my heart. I was asked to hold me the child and to tell the child I really love it and will always love it but it needs to let me remove the block. I hugged the child, removed the block, said I love it and the child disappeared. I think she got all the love she needed and did not need to be there anymore. I felt like I could sense the area between my chest and my stomach.

Amazingly, my throat, as soon as I get emotional, my voice gets harsh. So this was that.

I am amazed that all these things came out. I was completely unaware of such important stuff. Wow. Now I will need to watch out how I feel in the next week. What is the significance of a chicken suit, of feathers?

Day 7

"The divine consciousness that i am is forever expressing its true nature of abundance. This is its responsibility, not mine. My only responsibility is to be aware of this truth; therefore I am totally confident letting go and letting God appear as the abundant all sufficiency in my life and affairs."

My thoughts: I need to let go! Need to trust that God (the divine) will take care of things with the best results. Trust in God! My divine mind has unlimited source of abundance and unlimited supply. The only thing I need to do is to be aware of this source/unlimited supply and to let go of trying to control AND have trust and confidence that God (the divine mind) will provide for me according to my needs and wishes without any limitations. There are no limitations in what can be provided! None, as the supply is unlimited. I am loved and supported and get all the help I need. My divine mind is my connection to the universal divine and I know that the divine loves me and is helping me every step of the way. All my wishes have been fulfilled and are being fulfilled.

I can see that my thoughts are getting longer and longer.

Powers of manifestation

Ok, I am starting to believe in manifestation now. Today I had to call two fertility clinics to ask them if I could leave my flyers there. Before I called I manifested that at the first clinic the doctor would pick up the phone and that they would say yes, I can leave the flyers. At the second clinic, I also manifested the same.

So when I called the first clinic, the doctor picked up the phone! It's normally so rare, as he is very busy. I got scared and hung up!!! So I called the second clinic and they let me bring a flyer so that the doctor would look at it and then they would decide if they want to have it there or not. Then I called the first clinic and spoke with the nurse and she let me leave the flyers there. So that's why I rushed from work to get the flyers, and did not make it as described in my previous post. So tomorrow I am going to take the flyers to the clinics!!

I was very scared to call the clinics, so scared, so I cut the cords to fear, then I asked my guide virgin Mary to help me, I also channeled her. I could feel that my heart opened because Mary is just so kind and has so much love. I did not really prepare any text, but I said I am a former infertility patient and because of the suffering I went through, now I am a healer and help women going through infertility. Then I asked if I could leave my flyers with them. The nurse that picked up the phone was so happy because first she thought I said I wanted to donate my eggs to which I responded I wish I could do that, but I have no eggs to give, which is so true. My Goodness, if I could donate eggs to help a woman get pregnant, it would just make me so happy to be able to do that and to give someone a gift of a child!

I also need to call a few more private clinics tomorrow, after my healing.

However, today this girl emailed me - which I take as a sign that I am on the right track. I know this girl and she wants me to help lose her pregnancy related weight (and weight loss is my specialty). She was referred to me by my friend T whom I also healed for weight loss and she lost 3 kg and was very happy. Now, I do not know if I should charge this girl. I am thinking of asking her for a gift and if she comes back, then I would charge her. However this gave me this idea that I can specialize in helping women shed off their post-pregnancy gained weight. However, I do not know so much about these issues but there is definitely a demand for it, and it is very much needed. I am so excited that my friend referred this girl to me! Also, I am so happy to see her and help her.

After Reiki Master Initiation

Well, when I asked my guide if I need this Reiki Master education and why I need it, the answer was that I need and and this initiation will make me stronger.

Now, after the initiation, this is what happened. When H arrived to the airport, I was waiting for him but he did not show up. I asked how long should I wait, and got a message that I need to count until 25. When I counted until 28, he appeared.

Then my clairaudient abilities really really improved. Before I could hear the voice but only during meditation. Now I hear the voice every time I ask a question and the voice is very clear. For example, today I was on my way to distribute the flyers to 2 fertility clinics, but got this voice saying that I should do it tomorrow. I ignored the voice, and proceeded driving, but the traffic was so horrible that it took me one hour to get home at which time it was too late to go to the clinics. I also get answers yes or no which are written when I ask a question. I also got a message that I should stay at my current job and that I will get a promotion. Today I was asking about this and it appears I will be at my current company until the end of the year but in a different position (promotion?). I also asked if I would get a raise and got the answer yes but it is a no brainer, everyone gets a raise at the end of the year.

After the initiation, I am also clairvoyant and am able to see visions as short films instead of before I could only see them as pictures. I also feel things very well, so it's like WOW, so great. I can definitely use this to my advantage and will be using it more, basically in many decisions that I have to make about important things or not so important things.

I have been sad

I have also been sad. I think it started a few weeks ago, after I started working with a new guy from the US which has had a bad effect and resulted in me working very late (until 19-21). I also stopped yoga since this summer which was not really a problem during the summer. Then I stopped my exotic dancing course about 2-3 weeks ago. I also had my Buttefly friend visit which I feel exhausted me psychically. I felt a bit exhausted while she was here, but I did not notice it. It got worse after she left. Then I feel that maybe the prosperity plan is also making me worse? but I am not sure about that.

29.10.07 12:58 update - then I realized i have had a lot of grief related to the loss of my little angel. I also have been waiting for my HCG to go down so my hormones were out of wack completely. But I have a lot of grief, so I need to get help from S.

Then I have a problem with my close friend Y because I feel I give so much and she gives so little - the balance in the relationship is not there. We have talked about that and she agreed. Then she is hurting me by talking so much about her son, how much she loves him, and how much he loves her. He tells her I love you mommy -when I heard that, I felt 1000 knives going into my heart. I told that to her as well. I saw that you should adopt a different behavior with me - you cannot tell me everything that comes to your mind. I was surprized she could not understand why I was upset but she got it in the end.

I am not sure she is the person I should be close to. She promised not to talk about this, but I do not think she can do it. So I need to keep distance. Also, when I plan to visit, she talked about getting together but I am not sure I feel like it. She invited me to her home offering that she would cook for me - because this is how she shows love - but I felt I should not do it - both the son and the husband are going to be there. I only need to spend time with her (maybe!) and definitely not with her family at this moment.

Angel card reading to H

H visited me this weekend. I gave him a card reading about the job interview he had here. I got these cards: blessing in disguise, ocean, innocence and separately play.

We had a discussion about the future and I can clearly see that he has no intentions of marrying me. I however do not want to marry him at this stage. He also told me -Look how much development I have had in the 3 short months after he left. Maybe he is in my way - this is what he said and I think that he may be right.

He also plans to move into his sisters apartment when he returns and he wants me to live there too, but I cannot take my butterflies with me - I cannot live without my butterflies and I want to live in my own apartment! I have a bad feeling about moving into her place. It is taking me away from my mission somehow.

Another news

Another news, I am now a reiki master. The initiation was very special. I saw a vision of my past life (I think) - with a little boy and a little girl running in the woods and playing -there were lots of trees. Then I saw a bird which was a symbol or something. I think it was a phoenix bird and I was that bird that was reborn after I turned into ashes. It was a symbol. Then I felt extremely grateful to my in-laws for doing things for me, for giving me their love and care. Ihad tears falling down my cheeks. It was very special. I am more clairvoyant now than before. However I am feeling very sad and noticed that I am again emotionally overeating.

Day 6, inner supply and inner source

"My inner supply instantly and constantly takes on form and experience according to my needs and desires. Therefore as the principle of supply in action, it's impossible for me to have any needs and unfulfilled desires".

My thoughts: my supplies (I am using plural form intentionally) constantly and instantly take on the shape I need, according to my needs. I manifest things instantly and constantly that come from my inner supply that is unlimited. My inner supply and source are unlimited. My source provides for me, manifesting whatever it is I may need and want. The source fulfills my every wish and every desire. My inner source and inner supply is the only true source of my happiness.

day 5, 35 more days to go

these are my thoughts: My supply is the divine mind inside me. This supply is unlimited. There are no limitations to it. Money are not my supply or any other source outside of me. The only source is the divine inside me that can provide without any limitations.

Day 4

My thoughts: God within is my supply. I need to draw and be conscious of the divine presence within me which is my source and my supply. The God is within me and I need to be conscious of it within and be conscious of my spirit within me. This spirit=God is the source and substance which I have inside, but need to be conscious of.

Day 3

"When I am conscious of the inner presence as my lavish abundance and when I am consious of the constant activity of this mind of infinite prosperity within me, my consciousness is filled wiht the light of truth."

My thoughts: I am the true source of infinite prosperity and abundance. Infinite prosperity is within me. Prosperity is my true state. It fills me up when I am conscious of it. My true state of being is prosperity and abundance.

Day 2 of Prosperity Plan

These are my thoughts after the affirmation #2 of the program. The affirmation is
"my soul is the direct expression of the mastermind I am and the purpose of my soul is to be conscious, aware, understand, and to know that the divine presence I am is the source and substance of all my good."

These are my thoughts. "My soul is divine. My soul (=I am) is a mastermind of all good. My soul is immortal and it has unlimited powers; it can create all I want and everything good to come into my life. The purpose of my souls is to create all good around me. The purpose of my soul is to manifest all good that's inside of me into all good that's outside of me."

Looking forward to day 3.

John Randolph Price's Prosperity Plan

Today is my day 1 of the 40 day prosperity plan. My last day is 2 December. These are some of the highlights. I got to know some of the things about my attitude towards money and it is quite disturbing. Here it is: I hate money, I am afraid of money. I am ashamed of money, I reject money. My integrity as it relates to money is 1 (1 is the lowest, 10 is the highest). In adition, I am irresponsible, careless, do not care about money and spend money uncontrollably. I spend, spend, spend and do not count.

I got all these answers by looking at a 5 Euro bill and asking it questions about my attitude towards money. Bizarre. So now I have a lot of things to work on.

Today is day 1 and these are my thoughts about affirmation #1. I am God, the source of my prosperity is within me. I am one with God, I can create prosperity. "It" can give me all I want, the source is really unlimited. "It" is me (I am God), so I can tap into my own source of infinite prosperity. I have infinite powers.

This is a bit strange even for me, as I do not believe in God. Maybe I will after this program.

A big update is coming

A big update is coming (but this post is not it!). I had a guest this weekend, my butterfly friend, and while I was so busy and barely had time for her, it was such a nice visit! I felt like I have known her for ages - I am sure we knew each other in our past lives. We did so much work - she on her business and I got some direction on mine.

So it was great.

However, the update about H is not so great. I feel that he doesn't love me anymore and does not accept me the way I am right now. I am very different from 7 years ago when we met. He told me that he doesn't like my decorations at home - my pink butterflies and if we move in back together, he wants them removed. But it is not happening! My butterflies make me so happy!! And being with him does not. He has this harshness about him and a lot of anger, which combined, hurt me - the new me is so very open as a person and so sensitive. Unless I see that he is taking steps to improve, there could be no future for us. I cannot live with his harshness as I only want to be surrounded by love in my life.

Another news was that I did channeling this weekend chanelling Virgin Mary's energy. I chanelled her and had a message for a classmate. It was a very powerful message but channelling is so hard on my body. During/after the channelling I felt that my heart opened so wide! The message I had for my classmate was so loving, about the little children she is helping and that she needs to hurry because they are really waiting for her. When she asked what is it that they want her to do, I said that they need her because her love will help them grow big and strong and give this love to others. Well, I do not speak like this in normal life. My voice has changed. I could not control my face, my voice sounded much much lower and at some time I was whispering. I had difficulties breathing, and you could hear that I was struggling to breath. My friend told me that I looked like I was possessed.

It was difficult to answer questions rather than to just speak. When I heard questions being asked, the connection with the energy was interrupted and I had to reconnect with her. It is so interesting that I "heard" the words and was just repeating it to my classmate. I would not dare to do this by myself without someone to get me out of this state.

A few other things happened this weekend. Having this friend here, with all our talks about spiritual stuff, really propelled my self-esteem and belief in myself forward. So it was fantastic. It is so hard to find someone with whom I could discuss these matters, but she is the perfect person. I felt very safe and comfortable sharing my "spiritual experiences".

Another piece of info

Today during my meditation I asked one of my guides about a baby. the question was when will I have a baby. the answer I got back was "12". Ok, is it 12 months to get pregnant, 12 months until I get pregnant or 12 weeks until I get pregnant? My answers regarding numbers have been pretty accurate so far. Let's see.

I also asked what do I need to do to sell the apartment and got an answer back that said "nothing".

Madonna

H lives in a Catholic part of Germany. We were passing a madonna and I asked her for a baby. I felt that she told me that I will get my baby and I saw a vision of her giving me a baby. I asked her when and got an answer back "6". I thought it was "6 months", but I hope it is 6 weeks. After 6 months, I will attend my angel course, so my travel (to LA and Hawaii) will be over.

Spotting

I am spotting again - started yesterday. I think my aunt Flow is coming or could I be pregnant again? I saw some posts of women who got pregnant immediately after the miscarriage, even before their period came. So it is possible.

I also passed some stuff again again - I think the leftovers of my little sweet angel-baby.

What I do not like after this unexpected pregnancy is that I am becoming desperate again. I will be doing exercises where I am going to let go of the desperation. I want to be happy again like I was before I got pregnant.

Clairvoyance session for H again

During my trip to Germany this weekend, I gave H a clairvoyance session on Saturday night. This is what I could see. I was able to characterize his boss. His boss has a lot of anger. i saw a picture of his boss yelling at H (or talking to him in a loud voice) and waiving an index finger at him as if giving him a warning.

Then I saw H leaving this job - when he leaves this job, it will be a sunny warm day and he is walking out of his job in a good mood. I see him wearing a dark suit - I think it is striped but I am not sure. It is definitely a dark - black or dark grey.
Then he asked me what he is going to do after. I saw a lot of pine trees again (forget the name of the trees but it is like a pine tree but with short needles). Then I saw him in our current apartment - he is walking around in the apartment, doing things, reading sunday paper. He took it to mean that he is going to be unemployed, but I do not know if it is right or not. Then he asked me if he should take the job that he is inquiring about at a new fund - and I said no. He asked me whether he is going to have his own business and the answer I got was yes. He asked what kind of business, and I heard the word "people". So I said it would have something to do with people. Let us see what happens next.

However, the information I give to him, appears that something inside me is blocked a little bit, It is hard to give out info. Whereas with my Butterfly friend, the information is just flowing out of me. It is very easy to give messages to her.

HCG #2

The HCG #2 a week after the first one is 280. So it is on its way down. I think with this rate of decrease, it should be zero at the end of november.

My IF services - I finally jumped off the vagon

This is an update. I was pushed to create a flyer and send it out to people. So now I am ready to start advertising my services. I am asking for the signs of what I should do. If I was meant to do this, the universe will help me. I emailed the organization for the infertile informing them about my services. Then I went to see my doctor for another HCG test and asked her if I could leave my flyers there. And she said yes.

Then I emailed the networking group I belong to asking them to keep me in mind when someone with these problems contacts me. Now I am going to contact infertility clinics here.

Then I am going to inquire about this organization that offers courses to the public and see if I could offer a course about this and that will serve as an advertisement. Wow! I am on the roll. I need to speak to a classmate who is doing this already. See if she has tips for me.

Need to be surrounded by love and signs

I asked what I need to do to get pregnant and have this baby. I got an answer that I need to be surrounded by love. This weekend H came and there was so much love between us. I have also been sending love to myself.

We were very intimate and I thought that I could get pregnant. I also had a clairdream where I felt something was placed inside of me. I think it was a square. It was like a seed. I also had a conversation with someone. All I remember is this square being placed inside and I had some sensations and that's why i woke up.

Today I got back the results of the test I had - they measured my HCG and it is over 500 (3 weeks after a miscarriage). So I could not have ovulated. I need to stop thinking again about getting pregnant but focus instead on my well-being. This comes first right now.

Before H came, on Friday I saw a sign - there was this butterfly in the supermarket - that reminded me of my butterfly friend. I was watching it and it was flying around me. Then on Saturday I saw a feather flying across the window. Then on my way to the interview I saw many many signs. I thought it would be because the interview went well. But it did not. I did not like the people. They seemed very stressed. Two of them got sick at the same time and did not show up to interview me. So I am going to decline this position.

visit to a clairvoyant

I am going to a clairvoyant - the same one who predicted I will get pregnant - and that H will move abroad in two weeks.

Also, I went to this evening with a very famous clairvoyant here. I am thinking of taking her course. However, I have a hard time understanding her - this language is something that I understand at an intermittent level. However, I did not like one thing about her. During the reading, she was talking to a woman about her and turned out not to be that woman she had a message for. Then afterwards, I felt she was trying too hard to show that she could find that woman for whom the message was. I felt she tried too hard. I was very impressed with her contact with the dead. She tried to contact two dead people and her information was spot on!

Pregnancy test

Yesterday I did another pregnancy test - I had some symptoms and signs still - and it was positive and the line was darker. On the other hand, my temperature dropped, so I cannot be pregnant. I have a smell coming from down there - could it be incomplete miscarriage? I also have pain and itching there, so maybe it is an infection? I need to call the doctor to check it out before my trip to Germany on Sunday.

News from Swiss interview

I got news regarding my interview in Switzerland. I was told that they thought I was nervous, had poor eye contact and appeared very serious/do not smile. This upset me very much yesterday: I felt unloved and unliked. I had to call H many times yesterday for comfort. I also emailed many friends/smsed many friends and they all sent me what I needed - an affirmation. I was so upset about this. I still am upset. I had a feeling I should not have gone to that interview. Now I have another interview on Monday so I do not know if this would affect me.

On the other hand I know it is for the best. For the life of me, I could not see myself living in Switzerland. It is so devoid of things that are vital to me. I do not feel the spirit of the place. I also know that "they" have a plan for me and I received a signal that this is not the job for me.

I also received a rejection from another company here. So my current job is the job for now. I also gave an ad regarding my healing for infertility. Let me see what happens with this. I hope to get a clear sign what I should do. If my phone starts ringing, this is it!

I also saw that my employment with my current company will end next year. I saw my CV and saw 2008 as the end year.

I saw a stork

Yesterday during my meditation I also saw a stork. It was standing next to me and looking at me with great interest. I want to see what happens to my friend M if she gets pregnant and then I will take this stork as a sign that something can happen to me. But I am almost sure that I can get pregnant too, I just need to cut the cords to the idea that I cannot get pregnant and importantly to the idea that I have bad or old eggs. My eggs are wonderful. They were meant to produce babies. My eggs cannot wait to make a baby. This is what I will focus on tomorrow during the self-healing session.

Things I love

For my next healing session i am supposed to write down everything that I love,like or that gives me pleasure.

Love sitting next to a window on a sunny day looking out of the window
Love to cuddle, kiss, intimacy.
Love to feel loved
Like good hot but meaningful sex
Like to feel in love
Love to be inspired by my work
Like to watch good movies or a movie that touches me on a emotional level
Like to read very much
Like to sight see
Like to spend time with meaningful people
Like to see old friends
Like to be fussed over
Like to eat berries
Like good food
like the feeling of being in my apartment surrounded by my pink butterflies.
I like looking at flowers
I like smelling the flowers
I like receiving gifts
I like receiving postcards from people - it makes me feel that care about me
I like when people acknowledge that I helped them with something or how important I am to them.
I like my daily meditation routine
I love feeling that I love myself
I loved the feeling of helping M with infertility problem
I really like helping people.
I like eating creme brule
I like shopping and buying nice clothes
I like dancing
I like pole dancing
I like listening to music

Still bleeding

And I am still bleeding vaginally. Have been bleeding now for 10 days. I hope it stops soon.

Vegetarian and my mission in life

I forgot to write about this but in my last class I was meditating on my mission for 3 days. It will be a separate post about the mission - but my mission is to help women have babies. This was very certain. When I focused on what helps me achieve my mission, I heard the message that I need to listen to myself. When I focused on what prevents me from achieving my mission, I saw H, then I saw my work building - it was really really clear. Then I also saw a plate filled with meat. So I figured that since I can't quit and cannot leave H at this moment, I want to try to be a vegetarian for one week. And it is unusual for me - I am a huge meat eater. But I have not been eating meat now for one week and it is fantastic! I do not miss it.
However it creates difficulties in finding food. I keep eating cheese so I am afraid I am gaining weight. So I need to fight some books for cooking for vegetarians.

After not eating meat, I feel much lighter inside. I believe my vibrational level is going up. Well, leaving my job is step #2. But I so much want to sell the apartment!! Then I do not need so much money.

On the way to Amsterdam and then to Switzerland

I forgot to mention that during my flight to Amsterdam, during the conversation with this guy, I kept seeing pink everywhere. I looked into the windows and saw that the windows turning pink. I thought it was a sign from the angels - a sign of what I do not know. But it was meaningful - the conversation and also finding this bed. I looked into the website and not only do they sell the bed, they also have courses in how to optimally use it. It is in Vienna. I ordered info. But I do not think the bed will cost 50 Euro. Maybe like 50,000 Euro. But I gotta have this bed for my healing practice. It is my dream bed. My clients will be squeeking in delight - it is a wonderful way to connect with their spirits. I will use it myself.

Then on the way to Switzerland I was scared to fly and saw this white cat in my mind's eye. The cat was sitting on my lap, rubbing itself against me and I was petting it. It was all during reading Sonia Choquette's book Ask your guides where she talks about animal guides. It was so delightful to spend time with this kittie. It distracted me from fear of flying. But I can totally see how the color white is important to me: my guide is a white unicorn, I see myself as a white angel, a white butterfly, I see this white pigeon sitting on my heart when I am at peace, now a white cat that I think was sent to comfort me in my suffering. Everything is white. My happy vision that soothes me is imagining leaving my home, and everything I mean everything is covered with snow - you see the line of snow blending with the white sky in the horizon. So white is important. I suppose white is a happy color for me. I wonder why.

What a day I had today!

Wow what a day I had today. I was on the plane from Glasgow to Amsterdam flying next to this dude from Iran. Before we started chatting, I was able to browse through the inflight magazine where I found my PERFECT healing bed. This is my dream come true!! It is called a coccoon. It has you laying on it, it looks like half a cocoon, and it also has color, it vibrates slightly and supposed to send people on inner journeys. This is perfect for what i want to do. They make those in Austria so I would like to order one. But now I need to manifest a bigger apartment as mine is too small for two healing beds.

Then I started talking to this Persian dude. Well, this is what he said - there is no such thing as coincidence. He started talking about Cologne near which I am thinking of moving. Then he talked about two of his friends who are reaching out to pursue their dreams and have become very rich doing that. This made me think about what I am doing. It is a message (I think) that I need to continue following my mission which is helping women who cannot have babies have babies. This is my mission. So I need to focus on my dream. Then I think I need to seriously consider this job near Cologne. Last time I had a very interesting experience during my interview seeing butterlies and angels.

Then I was on the flight from Amsterdam to Switzerland and ran into someone I knew here. She moved to Switzerland to take a new job. I asked about salaries because this is what I want to know and she told me how much she makes. So it is a good guideline for me. Amazing! I only ran into her because I missed my previous flight and one month before I asked a question what salary I should ask for during my job interview in Switzerland. And today she gave me an answer. Amazing how this works!

help to my friend M

Today I have been helping my friend M with her egg retrieval procedure. I started before her procedure surrounding her in love and sending angels to her - it was about 9:30-9:40. The procedure was at 10. Then I stopped and restarted again at 10:07. I laid down and saw so many things. Hard to remember what happened really. It was so much fun for me. First I saw archangel Gabriel who was standing behind her (behind her head) - however later it moved to the right of her and was holding her hand. Then I have been sending angels to her, then I saw a man standing on the left side of the room closer to her feet. He was wearing dark clothes. i think he was short(er) and had grey hair. I thought maybe it was her dad who passed away. I will ask her how he looked. Then on the right side closer to her feet there was a creature standing wearing a cape. I sent this creature away because I did not like it. Then I have been sending pink to her and saw the room filling with pink smoke, then saw her being enveloped with pink caccoon. She was surrounded completely except for the head. Then I asked archangel Rafael to take over the doctor and help the doctor with the procedure and I saw how it jumped into the doctor.

Then I saw a storck (sp?) standing there on the right side. First it was standing there and looking, then it got closer to M and was trying to communicate with her. Then I sent her 3 pigeons straight from my heart. I could see them fly out from my heart and land on her heart. She was very peaceful at that moment. When I saw the pigeons and felt the peace in her, I was so pleased I started to giggle. Then I sent my most prized white pigeon the one I see almost every day to her. It landed on her forehead and put a dropping in her hair. I thought it was hilarious and started laughing. It is my most prized possession if I can call it that, it is a pigeon that signifies if I am at peace or not. I see it sitting on my heart when I am at peace. It is a very important symbol for me. Then after her head it jumped on her chest and started sitting on her heart.

P.S. She JUST SMSed me as I was typing this and told me that they retrieved many eggs - a RECORD number for her. Then she has no pain after the procedure. I am so happy. Can't wait to tell her what I have seen. I will know if she is pregnant in 2.5 weeks. Cannot wait. I am sure she is going to be.

Now the follow up

Well this is the story with my little fetus. On Wednesday I started to bleed. On Saturday I went in for a scan and they saw something was there but they could not rule out ectopic. Now I am in Glasgow and went to emergency room and they referred me to another hospital where they did a scan on me for free (here in this little shithole where I live I have to pay an equivelent of 150 USD for a scan). So, I was told that my little sweet baby will come out (99 % chance). SO I feel I need to let it go and stop taking progesterone to hold on to it. Need to let it go, need to let it go, stopping progesterone tonight. I feel so very sad. My miracle natural pregnancy and my second baby lost.

I am so FUCKING sad! I do not know how to say it in any other way. I had to comfort eat myself with chinese food to take away the pain. Next week I am going to S, my healer and she can help me grieve this.

DUring my last healing session, I got in touch with wonderful feelings - I still was pregnant then and have been focusing on my baby, sending it love, sending myself love, sending love to my uterus, washing myself in the love soup. I never knew I could love something so much. It is really really wonderful. I have been telling this little being how much I love it and how much I will love it, I will always be there for her/him and will protect it and it moved to tears! I have been crying - happy tears, happy tears, but now the baby really wants to go. I was not meant to have this baby.

Today I have been focusing on sending myself love, but while doing that, saw (in my mind's eye) my stomach bleeding. Immediately I knew that the child was coming out.

I do feel It is possible for me to have a child and maybe this was just a sign. I also feel that I need to cut the cords to the idea of me being infertile. Cut the cords, cut the cords, cut the cords. Need to make myself happy, that¨'s the key.

I also felt when I went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone that I do not need to do that, it was the same when I went to get a scan - that I do not need to do that. And my gut feeling was right as always! I have also felt that this baby started to decay on Monday the 10th September.My little sweet baby. I am typing this and feel the tears in my eyes.
So now I can go to Hawaii and can start taking in clients. I believe now that M. was sent to me because I am supposed to help her and realize my mission. I am testing it now, but last time when I gave her a healing to help her have a baby, I was so moved during the healing, I started to cry. I was deeply, deeply moved. She told me she felt so light after the healing, like she was ready to fly. I am convinced she is going to be pregnant this month. Really convinced. Let's see.

healing to my friend M

Yesterday I gave a healing to my friend M who is going through fertility treatments. I thought that perhaps she and I met because my purpose is to help her get pregnant and begin helping other ladies get pregnant. That's what we focused on yesterday during the healing. My hands were shaking, they never shook before during a healing. Also during the healing I was so moved. I also got a message that she will get pregnant. We will know in 3 weeks. She wants to have twins I said I will see what I can do.

I hope she comes back for more healing. But this is a test case for me to see if it is right about my mission. If it is my mission, the universe will start helping me achieve it. So this is what i am waiting for - help start coming.

I also wrote my ad about the services I provide and will send it to this woman organization.

Unicorn card readings

This was a unicorn card reading for today regarding a question about the child
the first card was called a healer with the statement You have te power to help and heal others. the second card was Happy thoughts and the third card was happy surprize -something very good is about to happen - you can see a child on the card (a baby girl) looking into the window and seeing a unicorn.

Could this be a baby?

Ok now just did a reading about H asking about our relationship. Got two cards: the first one is water where you can see a mother unicorn and a baby unicorn saying that you need to drink more water. The second card is titled forgive - its time to let go of anger or blame. You can see a unicorn and a baby girl hugging it. She also wears pink.

Clairvoyance session for H

I gave a clarvoyance session to H. Ok, lets see. I said that he will be at this job for 6-8 months. I am sure about the numbers but not sure if it is months or weeks or what. So it will be feb through april when his job stops. Then he asked if he will be kicked out or not. I could see him walking out of his office in a good mood.

Then he asked if he is going to return to his home country after his time at his current company is over. All I saw was a forest filled with pine trees. I told him that. I also gave him an angel reading on what his purpose is with his job in Germany. It said that something great is awaiting him soon - perfect timing. He also got a card that was called Listen (about the past), Family (present) and Perfect timing.

I did an angel reading on my current situation - and got Play, Open yourself to love and Cupid. All of these have little children drawn on them. I am really enjoying the clairvoyance sessions I am giving. Hmmm. Something for me to think about.

Still positive

Today I woke up at 3:30 to pee on a stick and again so a second line. I was a bit concerned that it was still faint. The amount of HCG in urine should have increased so the line should have been darker.

But in any case, here it is. I need to find a doctor next week for an ultrasound and a beta test.

positive pregnancy test?

I just peed on a stick and saw a faint second line. What the fuck! I could not believe my eyes!!! Ok, lets recap I was there vising H in Germany on 24 August, I was not sure if it was my ovulation day or not. We had sex and now my period is 7 days late, and then I feel sort of hormonal and weird so I thought I should pee on a stick. So I did and there was a second line. I could not believe it at first it was so faint. So tomorrow I am going to pee again. If it is positive I am going to see a doctor on Monday or Tuesday. Ouch!! What the hell is going on!

I just paid for my angel course!

angel healing and weight loss

My friend H is coming next week. I want to experiment to see if I can help her lose weight with my healing. It is going to be a lot of drawing for her and sending love to her whole body. Well, let's see.

I also did angel healing for the first time with H last week. It was absolutely fantastic! His physical pain has disappeared. I could feel that it was something related to his fear and he did not want to let go of his fear. But it went so well, I asked for help to conduct this healing, and give him the healing that he needs and I was guided all the way during the healing. I had no idea what I was going to do next but the effect was really really wonderful

what I asked for today

I went to this seminar talking to Angels. I thought we would learn healing with angels but it did not happen. Instead, I asked the angels for a baby and a family. I know they will deliver.

H is not liking his job in Germany so he is thinking of returning back here.

From my new friend, the Summer Butterfly

This is from my new friend, the summer butterfly who gave me guidance what I have to do to sell my apartment - which is ask the angels for help.

It is amazing that we discovered that I am a winter butterfly. that is why I see myself as a white butterfly and get so happy when I see the snow. The color white is somehow important to me. But here it is - my prayer to angels.

Thank you dear Angels to help me sell my apartment in Sluseholmen for 2.9 million, so that everyone is happy. I am very happy, H is very happy and the buyer is also very happy as it is the perfect apartment, with a great view and a very good investment for him. I am ready to let go of fears and worries about my finances. This apartment is gone from my life forever. Please, dear angels, help me with this and support me in my future. Help me live in the present time and alleviate all of my concerns about money and finances.

Well today I have an open house, and did a card reading on that. The card I pulled out, said Go For It. Let's see.

Butterflies

It is an amazing twist of fate as I met another butterfly on the internet through the angel course I enrolled into.

There are too many coincidences, this emailing has been a hair raising experience for me.

I see myself as a white butterfly flying from flower to flower collecting nectar.

Angel cards again

When I do my angel card reading, they do show that I will have a new partner and I keep getting this card saying "marriage".

In the meantime I need to find a healer to help me deal with lots of anger issues towards my father. This anger is suffocating me. I did not know about it until recently but thank God I got in touch with it during my healing session.

Previous post and other things

I just read my previous post and saw that I said that I will put this baby apartment for sale. Why did I say baby apartment? It is a typo but why did I use the word baby?

A few things: a woman contacted me with some questions because of my blog. I was so pleased that I could help her. I also felt it was a sign. I asked a question some time ago whether I can really help people. And this was a sign that I could. But something is blocking me, I am not able to start somehow. D. offered to help me look what is blocking me to start helping people for real. I did not ask her to do it, but I was asking myself why is it that I have stopped preparing for the launch of my own business. And here I was talking to D. about this block and she offered to help even though I did not ask her for help. We hated each other some time ago, but now I can see her beautiful spirit. When she offered to help I felt a bit strange because I did not ask her about it, but then I thought that this is a gift she is offering and I should accept her gift and be grateful. So next saturday we are going to chat.

I also feel that I need to do two things: one is change the message on the asnwering machine since H. moved out. Another one I should buy a healing bed. I am also having resistance to enroll in a psychotherapy class. I feel that I want some more alternative training. I feel that I should enroll in a clarvoyant class instead. I will try to find out about Maya F. course. I really liked her but do not know if she would accept me. I will more about this course. In the mean time, I am going to this angel healing course in 2 weeks. Let's see what comes out from there. I really want to communicate with angels and the divine and not with the spirits that passed on.

I also had some Q&A with myself while M. was sending me distant healing. All of a sudden in the last 10 mins of healing I felt that my 3rd eye really opened. I felt that I was super clarvoyant in those 10 minutes. I asked about H, whether we are going to stay together. All the answers to my questions were very clear, unlike normally the answers are a bit blurred. the answer was no. I asked when are we going to separate. The answer was soon. I asked why. The answer was that there would be someone else. I asked who would it be that would find someone else. The answer was that it would be me. I felt sad and asked if it is a good thing that we are separating. the answer I got was yes. I also spoke to M. about her experience of sending me distant healing. She said that when she touched my jaw, she had a feeling of love coming into my life. Love with a younger man. That there would be love on both sides. Maria I believe is a very good clarvoyant. Let us see what happens. I told her that H. is younger than me, but there is no love there any more.

In the meantime I really want to sell the apartment. I have been asking for divine help to help me do it every day.