Sunday, March 7, 2010

what am I grateful for today

I am grateful because the spring is coming. It feels WONDERFUL. I have discovered my new passion - cooking. I cannot stop cooking. This is really really great.
The thing with BG is going thru so that H and I can separate. My friends came for dinner, very grateful that I had company and could take care of them. Was grateful for an insightful seminar this weekend.
I am grateful because I m anticipating that tomorrow I will be cooking again. IT is wonderful. I am grateful because the sun shone today and yesterday and it was fantastic. I am grateful because I did my detox today and did not eat anything. I could do it! I had the will power. My trip to the UK is coming up and I am really looking forward to that.

my 10 reasons why I am grateful for leaving H

Why am I grateful for leaving H
1. I learned that being with him was making me ill. I was getting so sick and now have a chance to recover.
2. I am feeling at a much higher vibrational level than I was when I was with him
3. I am much much happier without him so much I cannot now understand why I spent such a long time with him.
4. I am free and can decide how to live my life
5. I can decide where I am going to live. SO I can pick the place that really resonates with the real me.
6. I don't need to ask him for advice. Much of his advice was not useful and was fear based not love based
7. This has given me courage to follow my heart in other decisions. I can see that I left him and I am ok.
8. My life is more exciting now, more vibrant after I left him
9. I am rediscovering myself, who I am.
10 I have a real chance at love, meeting a man whose heart open to me, my divine partner.
11 I have a real chance at having a family, it was not meant to be for us to have a family.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

what am I grateful for today?

Am grateful for today as I had a fantastic day. Had a nice visit by my colleagues, the food turned out great, it was a very cozy evening.
Grateful today, had a nice walk and also had plenty of sleep last night. I rule!!! Grateful that I am here by myself without my roommate. It is so nice!!!

my colleagues visit today

Today my colleagues came to have dinner with me. I cooked and cooked. I put so much love into my cooking. Was so happy they came. I made a fantastic bresaola salad with ruccola and parmegan cheese. The main course was chicken with oranges and apricots and for desert I made creme brulee. It was fantastic!!!
I was so happy and happy I could cook for them and give them some warmth and niceness.

They liked the food and asked me for the recipees of the main course.

Monday, February 15, 2010

what am i grateful for today?

I am grateful that i had a nice day, went to the sauna today grateful to be alone in my apartment. Thank you, God.
Grateful for all my clients. Sending them healing green light. Grateful that there are plenty of jobs out there. Grateful that i am getting better and better every day. Grateful I decided what I am going to cook for my colleauges. This is nice. I feel so warm and cozy about that. Grateful that I don't have to work for 4 days. It is so nice!

grateful that my white angel bear, Putin, is watching over me. Grateful to be surrounded by so many men. Grateful i found a partner for my tantra class on 1 March. Yey!!! Grateful for all these opportunities I have here, grateful that tomorrow I am starting Chi Gong. Grateful I understood that my lifestyle was wrong and I can correct it. From now on, the only thing that matters in my life is my mission and love.
Grateful that people i dont need are leaving my life or have left or will leave very soon.

winter swimming

went winterswimming with 2 friends yesterday. Felt amazing, the sea was 0 degrees. But today do not feel so good. I think i overdid it. I planned to go winter swimming every day but i can see it is not a good idea.
today feel weak, moody and depressed and loosing more hair.
This is the thing - when I get moody, I eat more. Then the hair starts falling out. I am sure there is something hormonal going on or maybe not? Or maybe the hair is falling out because i eat more??? the thing is i did not meditate this morning - so see the results immediately.

today i felt a bit apathetic, but managed to get books in the library about cooking.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

future

somehow even though I am almost unemployed, I do not feel I need to do anything until mid-March. In mid-march something will turn up that could turn out to be something.
it is a bit strange but i feel like my new job or role is in the making right now. something is cooking.
but now i need to use this time to heal myself.

gratitude

what am I grateful for today?
I am grateful that I had a very nice and quiet day. I had lots of´food that i love - NUTS, which i really enjoyed. I went to the spa, enjoyed the sauna. Enjoyed 3 hours of sleep. that was very refreshing.
I am grateful to have been of service to 2 people today to whom I channelled messages. One of them just sent me a BIG thank you. I am grateful that she appreciated what I had to say and took my advice to heart. I am grateful that tomorrow i am going to do winter swimming. Greateful for my home being so beautiful and so peaceful. Grateful that it is clean. I am grateful that I dont have money concerns or fears related to money even though I quit my job. I am grateful because I know that they (the Spirit) is supporting me.
I am also grateful for the reading I received today regarding my career. So grateful. Moved me to tears.
"Children and guiding children seems to be a service you are gifted in. I see you assisting children who cross over and communicate with their loved ones here. Children trust you so much. I feel like you work with children at night in your sleep too.

I see your spirit guides and deceased love ones around you now; very strongly and many. It seems like your communication with them flows easily and strongly and they are doing everything possible to assist you in preparing for your future. They are preparing ahead of you before your get to the new place you are going to go, so that it is an easy transition for you. This will be a smooth transition. They are lining up a place to live and opportunities that would allow you to set up shop if you will. You will wonder how all these miracles occurred. Trust that it was those on the other side that are doing so much work for you. You have like a huge entourage. You are like a celebrity with all of these assistants making sure that when you arrive everything is in order for you. Wow there is not way you could ever feel alone. It's like a big group hug.

So not to worry because the next place you go is divinely guided. It is not a coincidence you are making this move. It is perfect and it will be better for you. A new world is opening up for you. Your vibration too has changed and this new place will support this much more.Don't worry is the next message. Open your arms to heaven a receive the blessings coming to you. Although, these changes seems a little scary know what you are more then well cared for."

I loved this!
Grateful to have had the time for myself today, grateful that i am feeling better and better every day.

diet

my impression is that when I overeat, my hairloss increases. that would make sense. that would block my spleen meridian which is also somehow connected with teh liver meridian which is connected to the hair loss.
i also stopped doing inner smile meditation. but i do do iron shirt. Have not been at work yesterday, will rest for 5 days straight. will see how the hair thing goes. tomorrow going to do winter swimming. I think it helps me too.
I got a strong message that my hair loss will stop very soon. i am also being guided to do liquid diet for 5 days. Starting Monday I will do it. I just need to buy a juicer.
i also exercised today which was only 10 min on precor. It did not go well with my body. after 6 min, i did not feel well so had to decrease the intensity but still was not good. I barely made it to 10 min. but i also was not in a good mood today. i don't know if the mood comes by itself or affected by changing hormones. I did not have hot flashes for several days. I am happy about that.
yesterday (last night) i also did not do my breathing and today, more hair fell out.
however my sleep has been relatively oK. i do wake up but can go back to sleep. I think that the sleep is related to stress and the neurotransmitters are involved somehow. I just cannot get the relationship yet.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

itch

i noticed that when I eat soups and vegetables, the itching is less, so I need to go with it. Now I am also trying the alkaline diet. Let's see.

my inner journey -and my book of shadows

This will recount my inner journey I experienced when I met with O.d.B in LA.

I had to take dep breaths while she rattled around me. Then she guided me for a walk in the forest -> then I got to a cave.

A guide met me at the entrance of the cave. He looked like Chirstopher Lee in the Lord of the Ring movies, with white long hair and long beard. He was wearing white robe, with gold ornaments. He also had a long "hat" that had a cylindrical shape, but I am not sure if it was round around the edges or not. The hat was also white.

He took me to the first room which I heard was a room of the womb (but was supposed to be a room of my wounds, so I did not hear it correctly). The room was completely white, with some bareliyef in front. There was also en empty chair it the room.

I received the message that they are preparing me to be an angel, something about me bieng in the angelic realm. That scared me a little that I was going to die soon.

Next room was my gift, where my gift was. I walked in and saw a big statue of a man reading a book. He looked very strict. Then in this room my guide gave me this beautiful book - red velvet with stones and a pen (like they used to use in the old days, ink pen).

The book was empty. I took it that I am supposed to fill it up with stuff. Do not know what it was for or was it a journal?

Next room was a room of grace. I saw this transluscent being that looked sort of like a heart, but with wings. It wanted to hug me with its wings, but I was afraid, so it did not hug me.

Then the next room was a room with my contract - the contract was with H. It looked like put together piece of paper inside 2 leather holders. It said to me that the contract was with H and I need to destroy it as my purpose with him was over. I threw it into the fire inside a fireplace and it burned.

Then on my way back I met a new guide, panda bear, but had a hard time holding on to him. On the boat, all I had with me was the book with a pen.

I did not know what the book was for, so O. tried to help me figure out the purpose of the book. First I saw my guide telling me, start writing, you are ready. Then when O. blew air into my navel, and moved away, I cleared heard. "The book of Shadows". So here it is. It was an incredible experience and after this I knew I was a witch who was ready for being who she is.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

what am I grateful for today?

I am grateful for many things today
Had a fantastic day working from home
The weather was great - sunshine and frost
Beautiful view from my window - love it
Love this apartment!!
Got paid today
Will get payment for 3 months and will not have to work
Feel that my friends love me and care about me
Got some advice what I should do to heal myself
my health is getting better
Enjoyed my trip to the spa today
Channelled that I am almost ready to be a mother. My child/children are coming a girl and a boy.
IT is slow at work today, so don't have to strain myself
The work is paying for my therapy
The insurance is paying for my acupuncure
I have an abundant frame of mind
Have been in a fantastic mood
Love the cards I got - soul destiny cards
Am very happy about my upcoming cooking class.
Life is good!!!

amazing

I am quite amazed about the message that I am almost ready to be a mother. Amazed. I also know it. i know that it is coming. But who is the father? what should i do to manifest it fully? so many questions...

I need to go to the church and ask there. perhaps tomorrow...
I need to get guidance on the job - which I quit. what do I do now? Am I crazy for listening to my guidance??? What I am doing is so weird, and yet I trust my guidance.

I also felt that something is about to happen and I should not make any plans until something happens. And it will happen soon. I asked what will happen and saw a picture of death. I asked who is going to die, I saw a picture of H's granny. But what does it have to do with me?
I talked to him today, he confirmed that the granny is not doing well and his mother asked him to come spend some days with her.

Let's see.

By the way, what I predicted about him and the package, came into being. He got the package. I said he would get 7 months, he got 8.

Got this message today

I got this message today from these wonderful cards I got. However before I write about that, I noticed that the better my mood is, the more things I get and the better my manifestation techniques get.
For example, in LA I was so miserable before new year's, so not so much happened, then went to tantra which made me feel so good, and just now found my gratitude post. After 3 January, things really started happening /manifesting with super cosmic speed. So the key is to keep myself in a good mood, keep my head above the depression/anxiety/bad mood mode.

Now to the message
The question was about the situation and next steps re H/possible relationship
1. The first card reflects the situation as it is now.
#34
You are angry my child. You are furious. Your fury consumes you: The heat has gone to your heart and your mind. All you can think about is your eggs, your baby, your unsuccessful pregnancy. What you think about is the good, what you forget about is the bad. You haven't seen eye to eye fora long time. Not connecting, yelling at each other, not hearing each other, closing to each other's dreams.
Your blood is boiling, your a full of steam, release it, release it!

2. About what I should do, next steps so to speak, #9.

Heal yourself, use reiki. Use green light. Use the cards. Visualize yourself as a mother. You are mother of 2 beautiful children. You love them, they love you. Visualize yourself as a mother of a little girl and a little boy. They love you so much. Deep within there is an eternal flame of love. The flame that never goes out. Nobody can extinguish it. Cherish this flame, protect it, shelter it for it is your heart that needs protection. Carry your heart, shield it, protect it from bad influences. What you need is to speak your truth. Always, in all circumstances. The children are coming. You are almost ready to be a mother.

3. The outcome #11

You will be happy my child. In the abyss of bliss. Smiles, happiness, love, fireworks in the bedroom - tantric sex. Tantra, out of body experience, connection of the souls, connection of the hearts and minds. Love, light surrounds you. You are in the flow.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

gratitude journal

It is essential that I start the gratitude journal. What am I grateful for?
Being able to come to lala land on holidays for 5 weeks. It is amazing. Not paying anything for my accommodations, being taken care of and pampered here by my mother. Having my own bed to sleep in and my own room.
I am grateful for my health being better, for finding a healer who can help me. Grateful for friends who care about me and miss me back at home.
having the time to dance, rollerblade, read, discover myself and for trying tantra. That was amazing. Learning all of these things that will help me in my next relationship.
meeting J.N. here as he helped me to brainstorm things with myself about what i want to do.
Having fantastic partners at my tantra class.
Learning wisdom and insights from the books I a reading now. being inspired to quit my job. It is a good thing for me.
Grateful that i am being lead by God to my next step and to my perfect man and perfect health. Grateful that my faith has been strengthened. Grateful that there are plenty of things I can do here for free.

Grateful for eating delicious hot food every day. thank you.
Grateful for my clients contacting me so I can help this woman and her husband have a baby. I am so grateful!!!! I am sending them lots of love.

Friday, January 1, 2010

THe dance exc

Relax. Close your eyes.

Recall the first songs you heard as a child. Being to sing them in your thoughts. Little by little, let a certain part of your body - your feet, your stomach, your hands, your head and so on but only one part, begin to dance to the melody you are singing.

After 5 min, stop singing, and listen to the sounds all around you. Compose an internal melody based on them, and dance to it with your whole body. Don't think about anything in particular, but try to memorize the images that spontaneously appear.

The dance offers an almost perfect means of communication with the Infinite intelligence.
Do for 15 min.

The listening exc

Relax. Close your eyes.

Try for several min to concentrate on all of the sounds you hear in your surroundings, as if you were hearing an orchestra playing its instruments.

Little by little, try to separate each sound from the other others. Concentrate on each one, as if it were the only instrument playing. Try to eliminate the other sounds from your awareness.

When you do this exc every day, you will begin to hear voices. First, you will think that they are imaginary. Later, you will discover that they are voices of people from your past, present and future, all of them participating with you in the remembrance of time.

This exc should be performed only when you already know the voice of your messenger.

Do this exc for 10 min at a time.

The shadows exc

relax completely

For five min, study the shadows of all of the objects and people around you. Try to identify exactly which part of the object or person is casting a shadow.

For the next 5 min, continue to do this, but a the same time, focus on the problem you are trying to solve. Look for all of the possible wrong solution to the problem.

Finally, spend 5 more minutes studying the shadows and thinking about what correct solutions remain. Eliminate them, one by one, until only single correct solution is left.

the Ram breathing exc

Expel all of the air from your lungs, emptying them as much as you can. Then inhale slowly as you raise your arms as high as possible. As you in hale, concentrate on allowing Love, peace and harmony with the universe to enter into your body.

Hold the air you have taken in and keep your arms raised for as long as you can enjoying the harmony between your inner sensations and the outer world. When you reach your limit, exhale all of the air rapidly as you say the word RAM.

Repeat for 5 min each time you do the exc.

The blue sphere exc

Seat yourself comfortably and relax. Try not to think about anything.

1. feel how good it is to be alive. Let your heart feel free and affectionate, let it rise and above and beyond the details of the problems that may be bothering you. Begin to sing softly a song from your childhood. Imagine that your heart is growing , filling the room and later your home with an intense, shining blue light.

2. When you reach this point, begin to sense the presence of the saints (or other beings) in which you placed your faith when you were a child. Notice that they are present, arriving from everywhere, smiling and giving you faith and confidence.

3. Picture the saints approaching you, placing their hands on your head and wishing you love, peace and communion with the world - the communion of the saints.

4. When the sensation becomes strong, feel that the blue light is a current that enters you and leaves you like a shining, flowing river. This blue light begins to spread thru your house, then thru your neighborhood, your city, and your country; it eventually envelops the world in an immense blue sphere. This is the manifestation of the great love that goes beyond the day to day struggle, it reinforces and invigorates, as it provides energy and peace.

5. Keep the light spread around the world for as long as possible. Your heart is open, spreading love. This phase of the exc should last for a minimum of 5 min.

6. Come out of your trance, bit by bit, and return to reality. The saints will remain near. The blue light will continue to spread around the world.
If doing this with more than 1 person, need to hold hands.

The arousal of intuitiion

make a puddle of water on a smooth, nonabsorbent surface. Look into the puddle for a while. Then, begin to play with it, without any particular commitment or objective. Make designs that mean absolutely nothing. Do this exc for a week, allowing at least 10 min each time

THe Seed Exc -repeat 7 consecutive days

Kneel on the ground. Then seat yourself on your heels and bend forward so that your head touches your knees. Stretch your arms behind you. You are now in a fetal position. Relax, releasing all of your tensions. Breathe calmly and deeply. Little by little you will perceive that you are a tiny seed, cradled in the comfort of the earth. Everything around you in warm and delicious. You are in a deep, restful sleep. Suddenly, a finger moves. The shoot no longer wants to be a seed; it wants to grow. Slowly you begin to move your arms, and then your body will begin to rise, straightening up until you are seated on your hells. NOW you begin to lift your body up, and slowly, slowly you become erect, still kneeling on the ground.

The moment has come to break completely thru the earth. You begin to rise slowly, placing one foot on the ground then the other, fighting against the disequilibrium just as a shoot battles to make its own space, until finally you are standing. Imagine the area about you, the sun, the water, the wind, and the birds. Now you are shoot that is beginning to grow. Slowly raise your arms toward the sky. Then stretch yourself more and more, more and more, as if you want to grasp the enormous sun that shines above you, giving you strength and attracting you. Your body beings to become more and more rigid, all of your muscles strain, and you feel yourself to be growing growing, growing - you become huge. The tension increases more and more until it becomes painful, unbearable. When you ca no longer stand it, scream and open your eyes.

rituals - the messenger ritual

1. Sit down and relax completely. Let your mind wander and your thinking flow without restraint. after a while, begin to repeat to yourself "now I am relaxed and I am in the deepest kind of sleep".

2. When you feel that your mind is no longer concerned with anyting, imagine a billow of fire to your right. Make the flames lively and brilliant Then quietly say "I order my syubconscious to show itself. I order it to open and reveal its magic secrets". Wait a bit and concentrate only on the fire. If an image appears, it will be a manifestation of your subconscious. Try to keep it alive.

3. Keeping the fire aways to your right, now begin to imagine another billow of fire to your left. When the flames are lively, say the following words quietly: "may the power of the Lamb, which manifests itself in everything and everyone, manifest itself also in me when I invoke my messenger. Name of the messenger will appear before me now2

4. Talk with your messenger who should appear between the two fires Discuss your specific problems, ask for advice and give him the necessary orders.

5. When your conversation has ended, dismiss the messenger with the following words: "I thank the Lamb for the miracle I have performed. May (name of msgr) return whenever he is invoked, and when he is far away, may he help me to carry on my work.

realization after reading the Pilgrimage

What I have realized today after reading the PIlgrimage was that H was my guide, just like Petrus was in the book. He was guiding me and he gave me all he could as a guide/teacher. We separated because I could move on and proceed and function without him. So his role in my life disappeared.
This realization really hit me today.
Just like the main character proceeded without the guide and found his sword/completed his journey, in the same way I will proceed with mine and will find what I am looking for, whatever it was meant to be.

happy new year!

happy new year to the world!!!!