Well this is the story with my little fetus. On Wednesday I started to bleed. On Saturday I went in for a scan and they saw something was there but they could not rule out ectopic. Now I am in Glasgow and went to emergency room and they referred me to another hospital where they did a scan on me for free (here in this little shithole where I live I have to pay an equivelent of 150 USD for a scan). So, I was told that my little sweet baby will come out (99 % chance). SO I feel I need to let it go and stop taking progesterone to hold on to it. Need to let it go, need to let it go, stopping progesterone tonight. I feel so very sad. My miracle natural pregnancy and my second baby lost.
I am so FUCKING sad! I do not know how to say it in any other way. I had to comfort eat myself with chinese food to take away the pain. Next week I am going to S, my healer and she can help me grieve this.
DUring my last healing session, I got in touch with wonderful feelings - I still was pregnant then and have been focusing on my baby, sending it love, sending myself love, sending love to my uterus, washing myself in the love soup. I never knew I could love something so much. It is really really wonderful. I have been telling this little being how much I love it and how much I will love it, I will always be there for her/him and will protect it and it moved to tears! I have been crying - happy tears, happy tears, but now the baby really wants to go. I was not meant to have this baby.
Today I have been focusing on sending myself love, but while doing that, saw (in my mind's eye) my stomach bleeding. Immediately I knew that the child was coming out.
I do feel It is possible for me to have a child and maybe this was just a sign. I also feel that I need to cut the cords to the idea of me being infertile. Cut the cords, cut the cords, cut the cords. Need to make myself happy, that¨'s the key.
I also felt when I went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone that I do not need to do that, it was the same when I went to get a scan - that I do not need to do that. And my gut feeling was right as always! I have also felt that this baby started to decay on Monday the 10th September.My little sweet baby. I am typing this and feel the tears in my eyes.
So now I can go to Hawaii and can start taking in clients. I believe now that M. was sent to me because I am supposed to help her and realize my mission. I am testing it now, but last time when I gave her a healing to help her have a baby, I was so moved during the healing, I started to cry. I was deeply, deeply moved. She told me she felt so light after the healing, like she was ready to fly. I am convinced she is going to be pregnant this month. Really convinced. Let's see.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment