Sunday, November 9, 2008

donor egg discussion with H

Today H told me that we need to proceed with donor egg thing. He said we better get our things together and go to Czech republic to get this thing done.

But I cannot do it now, I am feeling so sick. I need to first get better.
I also gave him an ultimatum that either he returns from Germany ASAP or I am going to leave him. So he said that if he doesnt find anything by the end of the year, he will quit and move back wiithout a job.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

long time no post

Long time no post. I can see that my attempt to get a child is now on hold as I am taking care of my health and do not care now so much if i get a child or not. So I started a new blog to describe only my Russian experiences, "I blog about Russia".

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Russia and other things

Asked what I should do in Russia during my upcoming trip. I need to meet with Victoria (not sure if there is a person by this name, need to check). What about J.V.? She will not be available. Who else should I meet with on Wednesday? KK, O, What about I.Leon? Yes, an intro meeting is important.
I need to send him the questions.
I also need to meet with the regulatory.
I need to sit next to I.Sup at dinner.
What should I talk about? Focus on anothere. Speak Russian as much as you can.

Any advice for me? Be yourself. Be open, be watchful, something good will happen. It will be a surprize, completely unexpected. what's my purpose for going there? A child and a husband who love you. WIll I meet the husband next week? No, not just yet. You have to wait until your next visit in November. Am I going to Russia again? Yes, my dear. When? November. And then? YOu will move to Russia. Why? Love. Real love. With whom? WIth a child. A child is calling you. Bringing you and the father together. What do I need to do to help this process? Do nothing, you are being helped. The road is straight and unabstracted. Nothing can go wrong. What will happen with Russia? you will be invited again. Will I move there? Yes, next year.

went to Tom

I went to my teacher, Tom, on 10.September. I asked why do I have health problems. He said I have tightness in the system, too much thinking/worry. Drained the system. My immune system is low (which is true). I have stresssed my body.
I am not true to my soul, what is it that my soul wants?

I need to learn how to say no, people should not cross my boundary. I am the center of the universe but did not learn to prioritize myself.

I have grown and H did not grow as much. I want to stand up, do not want to be a little girl. Want to be myself, but am pushed to be a little girl with him. Somehow if I am strong, he is no longer needed.
He said I am loyal to him, too loyal, I need to be loyal to myself. I need love. I need to find out what I want 100 % and be in that.
Then he said something about a white knight but not that he saw that a white knight would rescuce me but that if he did come to rescue me I would not have recognized him. I need to flirt a little and see how it feels. Forget my being loyal, this comes from the ego, be loyal to me first and then loyal to others.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

no time to write

A lot of things happening, but not so many time to write. I am now focusing on Russia, I believe it is leading me towards my child.

I will need to transcribe all info about Russia into one post. I will do that.

On antother note, I have been diagnosed with vitamin D deficiency and I feel like shit. Really. So this was also the reason why I havent posted much.

Going to Moscow - I have been invited, the company arranged the meeting for me as I predicted in 3rd week of September. Let's see.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

23 July 08, notes from the angels

Should I apply for the two jobs? Yes you should go for it? You will get better by then (health wise). Will I get these jobs? No. The job with Russia will appear, wait for that. Late this year/early next year. You will move in March. Move where? Abroad. What should I focus on at work? T., my colleague.

22 July 08, Notes from the angels

You should go to Russia on 26 August. Why? Destiny. Set up meetings -with O and consultants.
Go there for 3 days. Email O.
Should I apply for ass'te dir job? No you should wait. Get M's job.

21 July 08, notes

Leave them, y child. Do not argue, do not. Simply say what you feel.
Should I have dinner with his sister? No. Should I call her and discuss what happened? Yes. What should say? Ask questions - what questions? Why? Why do you do this if nobody asked you for your help? What should I do about his mother? Drop sagen. Should I call her? Yes What should I say - you are upset you are not treated like a family -being sick I would like them to see some concern about me.
Ask about clairvoyance and tarot, but do not pushy, say she has not your permission to do it.

What should do with H? Love him. Show him the love. what should I do this weekend with him (I am going to visit him today through Tuesday the 29,7)? Love him. He loves you. Show him the love. Enjoy him. I it is his birthday. Anything specific I need to do? Hold hands and go for a walk. How does this relate to my decision today (leaving his family since they have bad vibes. I decided I do not want them in my life). You will find out in due time.

21 July 08, notes from the angels

Things are on the way to bring me my baby. Soon. this year. You must go to Russia this summer. Your current company will arrange this meeting. Should go end of August. You will arrange the meeting and the rest will fall into place.

14 July 2008, notes

I am sad, scared, frustrated, feel of irritation toward myself. I feel a lot of blame. Why cant I be normal?
What should I do to stop my hair from falling out? Go see a doctor. What should I do? Call a doctor.
What about pregnancy? Put it on hold. How long? A few months. Focus on yourself, love yourself. What about H? Leave him. What about Russia? What about a child?
What should I ask at the doctors? Blood test, hormones.

12 July 2008, after reading Fertile Female

Who is the fertile female inside of me? What does the ultimate mother insdie me look like?

11 July 2008, notes from someone (not angels)

M Should I stay here in this country?
A No,
M Should I stay here?
A No. Leave as soon as possible. It is bad for you. BAD!
M In what way is it bad?
A Toxic, toxic, poisons you.
M When should I leave?
A Now.
M Will I leave?
A Yes, soon, 6 months
M What is toxic?
A Water in area where you live. Move to F'holm (where I have an apartment)
M When
A Now.
M Will I move to Fholm?
A Yes. When H returns in September
M Will we sell Fholm?
A Yes

10 July 2008, notes

This week, Tues, I started sleeping. It has been 3 days and it feels good. The hair has been falling out like crazy, however. I must start using rogaine, at least on the right side of my head. Unfortunately, I have to wait 3 weeks for that. Have burning in my vagina too.
I started the acupuncture on Tuesday, together with the tea (note - the tea does nothing)

10 July 2008, notes from Angels

M How am I doing?
A Better. Your sleep is the key! Sleep, sleep, sleep.
M Should I have slept more today
A Yes, 30 min longer would be ideal.
M What else do I need to do for my health?
A You are on the right path. Please continue. Put up the curtains and it will improve more
M What about my hair?
A It will regrow
M When will it stop fall out so much?
A In 6 months (my note which is in Jan 09)
M Should I use Rogaine
A Yes
M For how long?
A For now. Use it on the half of your head, on the right side.
M What about later?
A You will see

M Should I buy HairMaxx?
A No
M Why not?
A You will not need it.
M What about jobs at the department?
A Read job descriptions and then decide. Get M's job.
M What should I focus on for now?
A The model. Get it right.
M What should I focus on later?
A Price and Russia
M Should I move to Russia?
A Yes, later on you will move there
M For now long
A Permanently
M Should I work with Russia at my current co.?
A Yes, that's a start. Schedule a meeting with O, the Russian colleague.
M What about H and his current job?
A He will be fired in 1-2 months (note August-September)
M When will he return?
A Aug or Sept.
M What about job at XXX (the company where he interviewed- my note)?
A He will get it if he wants it, but he will not get it.
M Will he get it?
A No.
M Will he move back for a job?
A No
M What about me and H what will happen?
A You will separate (Note I do not know why in my diary I crossed out " he will move, you will stay)
M Can I know more?
A Not at this moment. Enjoy him.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Message for H (done before our holiday, about 1st week of June)

M What should H do?
A get out of here. It will be hard for him.
M Should he leave now/resign?
A No he should wait for the package. GET THE PACKAGE! Do not leave without a package. He will be alright. Drag out the time. It's the matter of weeks/month. Things will be clear in the next month or two.
M What should he do with his boss, the butcher?
A Do not give in. Be gracious, be firm. Listen. Do not argue. Do not justify yourslef. Tell him what you want. Butcher will fire him.
M. When?
A In 3 months. (my comment - this takes us into August or September)
M Then what?
A he will return home, but will leave soon for the job.
M When will he return?
A In August.
M When will he leave again?
A Later.
M When will the next job come?
A Soon. A good job, he will be happy.
M What should he do now with butcher?
A Do not criticize. Be firm, do not give in, tell him what you want.

Sick - and hair is falling out

I am still very sick, having terrible problems falling asleep. However, I am trying hypnosis and it is really helping to fall back asleep. My hair is falling out like crazy and I am pretty sure it is due to sleep deprivation.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Posts from El Camino, 29.6.08

And today we are flying home, this evening at 5 pm. I will be home after midnight. I cannot wait to get out. Santiago is a tourist trap, a place where you can only shop and eat. The cathedral was interesting and I will describe my experience there separately.

Posts from El Camino, 22.6.08

It was a very hard day yesterday. We walked to Melide, about 23 km. It was hard, my body was so tired, I felt sick. H did not want to walk, he had pain in his hip, but he made it. We saw a cat on the way, with its two legs being run over by a car. Terrible. It could not walk, was suffering and screaming in pain. I wish we could take him to a vet, but how and where?

Today we stayed in Melide an extra day. Really needed it. Slept until 9 am and then after breakfast until 2 pm. On the other hand, my hair has been falling out like crazy during this trip. (note 29.6.08 - this hairloss now is a big concern as the hair is still falling out, A LOT).

Then I channeled some info. I asked this question, "How do I feel here?" (B)
A: Very very very unhappy.
B Why?
A The company, the place, the hardships. It needs to end soon. Needs to end ASAP. Go home, go home, go home NOW.
B What about finishing the trip?
A Go HOME! Need to be there. Leave, leave, leave, leave, need to be home now.
B Can I rest in Santiago?
A Only take cabs, buses, do not walk.Do not strain yourself.
B Wgat about walking to Arzua? (which is the next stop)
A Take a bus after Arzua. Go home, go home, leave, leave, leave.
B What should I do about my job?
A Go to Russia, deal with Russia
B Whaty should I do about my hair?
A Rogaine, go to Dr, check hormones, rest, sleep.

Posts from El Camino, 20.6.08

Yesterday there was a game Germany-Portugal. My "friend" told me that Ger will win and they did. I should start gambling a little bit. I thought the score would be 3:1, but it was 3:2. Today was a hard day again. I walked approximately 17.3-17.4 km from Portomarin to Airexa. I can see that it´s getting easier to walk. I noticed that I needed to eat a bocadillo around 10-10:30 to keep up my energy level, but today in addition to bocadillo, I had a desert, a flan. This flan really kick started me. I had a huge burst of energy and went well ahead of the others I was following and could not catch up with. THe road went jup and down, it went up a lot, actually, the sun was merciless. I could see that my muscles are not so tired as before, but it is the heat that I cannot tolerate.

It was also interesting to walk alone today, H took a cab and we agreed where we were going to meet. I was daydreaming more, and it also feels a bit lonely, but also freeing to walk alone. I was glad to see him.

Today I realized what the Camino trip is about. To some, it is about pushing yourslef, to others it is about walking, to others it is about losing weight. I can be about anything one wants it to be. First I wanted to push myself to see if I can overcome myself, my body, my physical limitations, and I can. However, today I noticed that my feet are swollen, my hands and fingers are swollen. I had a vision of my body as something that is really bleeding; it hasmany open wounds. I do not think now that this Camino experience is good for my body. This constant pushing myself and constant consumption of fried and junk food is not good for me. My back is tired to carry the backpack, my feet hurt in the new shoes. I am enjoying my new sandals, however, although they are not as green as before, but dusty, very dusty.

Yesterday, the place wehre we stayed, O´Mirador, was not great. NOt so clean, the beds were too close to each other, there was not enough space in the room for 4 of us. To add to this, the French or Swiss French? people were nosiy and two of them snored in a choris at night so loud that I could hear them, despite my earplugs. H told me that it was me who snored so loudly but I could not believe it.

The road today went through a very beautiful forest, but I was so busy pushing myself that I did not notice much of the surrounding. It is a shame.

Posts from El Camino, 19.6 about 18.6.08

Yesterday we went to Serria from Triacastela, the day before, 17.6.08, we actually planned to walk to Samos from Alto do Poio. We stopped in Triacastela for lunch, and after menu del dia, I really felt I could not walk any more. I said nothing to H. We passed the city, started walking on the freeway, him in front of me, and then suddenly when I wanted to ask him to return t Triacastela, he turned to me and said that somebody is pulling his backpack back, as if trying to stop him from walking. Then I said that we should return. So we returned to Triacastela, a lively city, with restaurants and lots of people on the streets. So nice, it felt like a resort, in the middle of this hard and strenuous experience. The feeling of a resort town was nice, but somehow it felt a bit out of place here.

Yet they also had 2 matches -EuroCup - Russia -Sweden and Spain against Greece. Myt prediction about Russia winning was right, yet my prediction about Greece winning was not right. Still I insist it will be Spain who will win this championship. (Note 29.6.08 before Eurocup started, I predicted that Spain will win. The final game is today, let´s see).

Posts from Santiago de Compostela, 19.6.08

A few missed days, did not feel like writing, Today during the trip from Sarria to Portomarin, H had a lot of pain in his hips. We had to walk about 3 km to a bar in Serria county and take a cab to Portomarin. Portomarin is approximately 99 km to Santiago, or so I heard from someone today. I did not check the distance on the map to verify. A big lesson here, during this trip, is to be in the now, walk, enjoy the walk, enjoy the perseverence, yet at the same time, to listen to my body. You learn to think only a few km´s ahead, and not plan too much for tomorrow or day after tomorrow, etc. The state of your mind and also the state of your legs determine where you will end up. Such a lesson to learn for "real" life after the Camino.

The road today went up and down, we passed a forest and some villages that smelled of cow shit. There were lots of loose dogs, I was quite scared. I was also a bit upset that H could not walk today, I was not sure what to do, should I walk the distance- I felt up to it or should I take the cab with him? I asked my advisor and he said "go with him". So I did. We arrived to a private refugio, O´Mirador. It is packed wiht people, lots of Germans. I see the same Germans, a girl from Cologne, 2 women from another hostel where we stayed, an older german couple in their 60´s who walked from the French border.

I was also a bit upset, I "needed" this exercise, so I went for a short walk around the refugio. We´re next to a lake, so I crossed a small bridge we are going to cross tomorrow.

I convinced H to ship some of our things poste restante to Santiago - we sent 6.1 kg, mostly his stuff. Hew also bought 2 walking sticks, I hope they help with his hip. I walked in my new shoes, cute sandals made by Teva. I bought them yesterday in Serria and paid 80 Euro. I loved them. They are green and look like animal paws. So comfy! I was looking forward to walking in them, but htis has to wait until tomorrow.

Posts from Santiago de Compostela, 14.6.08

Today the real tour started. We could not get out of Ponferrada by walking out of the city, but by chance were guided to a bus stop with a bus that took us to the next village, so we "saved" 4.8 km. Then the walk began. It was hard. The path went up and the sun was up there and it was hot and hard. As I walked, I got a message from the owl that said that a surprize is waiting for me in Santiago. Let´s see (note 29.6.08, not sure what the surprize was, maybe that I will not like Santiago which actually did surprize me how much I hated being here. It was unbearable). My bag is so heavy, it is about 10 kg (note 29.6.08 - we shipped 6 kg to Santiago poste restante, so it got a bit easier). Somewhere during the last 3 im, it became easier for me to walk.The path still went up, but it was no longer as hard.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

i realized i have not posted for a while

I realized I have not posted for a while.
I am now in Santiago, after walking almost 200 km, tomorrow is the last day that we have to walk 5 km. It was a horrendous trip. I am so miserable. I cannot wait to go home.
It was real suffering, both physical and emotional. Get me the fuck outa here! But tomorrow is the last day of walking and then it is the end of it on Sunday when I am flying home, Thank God!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Conversations with the Owl

I asked yesterday what will happen tomorrow wrt J and the company things.
Owl: Nothing, You did your part, now it is your turn to rest and do nothing. The right people will come/approach you. Just wait and see.
Me: How long shouldd I wait?
O: A month or so
M: will something else happen tomorrow?
O Relax and enjoy. See above.
M: what about hte love of a child?
O yes its the child you were meant to have. Just wait and it will come. A great love of your life.
M Is it a man?
O No it is your child. It will be a surprize. You will be surprized.
M How is it related to RUssia?
O Just wait and see. Wait a month and things will be more clear.
M What will happen in a month
O Be patient

I was told that my mission for this trip is now completed. I need to enjoy.

M what is the purpose of J
O business, will help you will your goals. He can help you get here and achiee your goals. He can help you that/get you here.
M when?
O in two years you will move to Moscow.

The owl keeps telling me to relax. That things will now come themselves. Things like the love of a child.

Kazan' cathedral

I went to the Kazan' cathedral, the acting cathedral in the center of St. Petersburg. Well, when I approached the entrance, I saw women were putting something on their heads to cover them. I had nothing I could cover my head with. So immediately I felt resistance and did not want to go in, but I did. When I entered, I felt like I was not supposed to be here.

I really felt that I had to leave. But I still resisted, then suddenly I saw a vision of JC on the cross, who was showing me a finger pointing to the door. I did not believe I actually saw this, but then I saw it again: he was very persistant. I left after that.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

purpose of this trip

When I asked on the morning of the 19th what is the purpose of my trip to Russia, I got that this has to do with the love of a child or a love for a child. I could not understand how it is related to anything, but maybe this experience in the church today is something related to it?

The Saviour on the Spilled Blood Church

I had a very religious experience today. During the break in the congress I went to the Church of the Resurrection of Christ (AKA The Saviour on the Spilled Blood) or церковь Спаса на Крови.

I felt I needed to go in, so I did. There were 2 very special frescos - the first one was of a man with a beard holding a baby in his arms. He was giving the baby to a woman (I guess maybe it was God giving Jesus to Mary). But I had a vision where I saw this man giving this child to me, I took it, held it, and then it turned into my daughter, my baby daughter - I felt so much love for her, I was so moved, I had tears. She gave me such a big hug and held on to me, and was almost asleep. I felt she loved me so much! This was a special experience.

I saw this man first giving me a child from the painting where he was, then identical vision where this man was standing on the floor and giving me this child.

Then there was another painting of Jesus surrounded by white light, walking forward and there were two people surrounding him, one on the right and another one on the left. Suddenly I had a vision where I saw him coming out from somewhere surrounded by the white light and I was standing there on his right side. As he passed me, he gave me a kiss on my forehead, so gently and lovingly, as if blessing me, forgiving me, absolving my sins. I was a bit shocked about this. I felt his lips on my forehead.. Then I moved away from this fresco and when I returned to it to try to repeat the experience, I could not find this fresco. So I did not find it. This was very surprizing.

Then I passed this souvenir shop where they were selling Russian painted eggs and there was one that moved me -it was an egg with a painting of madonna and a baby and the baby was wearing pink like it was a girl. I had to have it, so I bought it.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Hello from Russia

Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I am now in Russia. Woo-hoo!!



I feel that I need to be here and this morning when I asked my new friend the owl, what this is about, I got that this is about a child. A love of a child. So let's see what this trip is leading to.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

another dream

I had another dream on Sunday night where I saw my sister in law pregnant - and she is 45 and then my mother in law told me that I will be pregnant in October-November.

I started my own preparations for this.I told my acupuncturist about this and asked for some extra treatments. she said that whatever she is giving me is supposed to help with this too. Then I am going to ask my teacher, S, for those Ayurveda pills she mentioned to promote uterine health. I have also been sending love to my uterus and ovaries for several days and it feels very good.

I am not sure who the father is, neither do I know if it is a natural pregnancy or not. I am asking AA Michael to guide me through this and to help me and to lead me to my highest good in this process.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

another dream

Last night I asked what I should do to help me with my business/mission, etc and got this dream with this poem - everything, everything everything is good, everything is as it should.
My feeling is that it is an affirmation and I need to affirm to help me with next steps, in everything, actually.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A dream about a new man

I asked yesterday what should I do to get this baby and had a dream in which I met a new guy. Two new guys actually. The first guy was a latin guy, from Latin America. He was a doctor. He was a short guy with dark hair, very interesting, very pleasant, I enjoyed talking to him but was not sexually attracted to him.

Then suddenly the dream switched to another guy who was very tall but very thin, he had this soft energy about him, this feeling of kindness and I was attracted to this guy. Very interesting. I do not know if it was a clairdream, but this was my thought.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

day 54

My consciousness of the truth is my supply. The divine inside of me is my supply. I have supply of abundance and love inside me. I am my own love and my own abundance. Abundance is love. I can manifest my abundance because the abundance is inside me. I can manifest my love because I am the source of love. My love is deep, my love is humongous, it spills out of my pores into the universe. The clients can feel it and they come to me. I am love. I am loved. I create love.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

day 53

All I need to do is be conscious of the truth which is the source of prosperity and love is inside me, the source of prosperity and love is my soul. Once I am conscious of this simple truth, I become a master manifester and things around me start manifesting easily and effortlessly. The clients are also coming to me, easily and effortlessly. All is well here, as I am manifesting that all is well and things are going great.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

day 52

I understand that my soul is the direct source of all my good. My soul is both supply and the source. My soul is connected to God, it is divine, my soul is God. It is a vast source of anything - prosperity and love. My soul is love. My soul fills me up with love to the extent that it starts excreting through my pours. My soul is love. I breath out love. Love is also prosperity. Prosperity is love. I am filled with love and prosperity. All good things come from my soul because it is a powerful manifester and can manifest everything - there are no limitation.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

day 51

God is abundance. It is a providing source of infinite prosperity, and it is internalized inside me. God is inside me and God inside me is the source of all. God inside me provides everything for me - it is the source of all. It is the source of all - prosperity and also love. Love is also prosperity and prosperity is love. God inside me provides the source of love for me that is unending and omnipresent. It is inside me and it surrounds me. It is in my heart and it is in my soul and it is in my body. I have so much love to share with the world!!! I have abundance of love.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

day 50

I did get a massage today and got a facial in Hawaii, so need to do day 50.
I am aware that God within me is the only source of my prosperity. It is the only source, so inside of me is the source and it is not outside of me. I need to focus on the divine within me as the source of all. It is a source of all - prosperity and love. My supply of clients is within me. I am my supply of clients. So I need to always remember this truth that I am my own supply. I need to keep my mind focused on this truth always and at all times.

Monday, April 7, 2008

day 49 of the prosperity plan

I am now aware of the truth that the abundance is inside me. I am now aware, I am now in the flow. When I am aware, I am in the flow. Things come effortlessly and easily to me, they are pouring down without any effort. I can manifest anything I want because I am the source of everything. I am the source of abundance. I am the source of love.

The clients are coming to me and they receive my love in abundance. They receive the healing that they need and giving me what they can in exchange. They are happy to give to me because they receive unlimited love and acceptance. I am filled with love that is pouring through every pore of my body. This love is coming straight from my my heart. i am the source of it. The clients feel it and come to me in great numbers. I give to them and they receive and they give to me and I receive. My love is profound and my healing is profound. They come in pain and leave happy.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

readings day 2

About what I should do - to counsel people about the kind of healing they need to get for their physical body to help them get clear so I will heal them and they will heal others. I need to study and do workshops to do this.


Next reading from I. She said I need to listen to my body about the baby. I need to trust and affirm that my body can carry a baby. Affirm "I trust my body" and can carry pregnancy. She saw me with lots of adopted children and was not sure if any of these were mine - it was me taking care of these parentless children.

Baby thing is creating a strain on our relationship - need to give it a break. Water is very healing for me. I will meet a teacher who will make a difference for me - because of healing and teaching. My body does not like something (so true!)

What do you know? A DLO refused to come through

Today a DLO (deceased loved one) refused to come through. She told me I am happy, I am at peace, leave me alone. I did not know what it was about, but of course now I have more info that these things do happen. They do not want to be disturbed.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

So I am now a medium!

Well, I am now a medium. I feel so drawn to do mediumship. I have some confusion about it but things are getting clearer and clearer.

Today I had my friend who came to speak to her dead relatives. She wanted to talk to her father, but i felt it was the mother who wanted to speak to her. We were doing some blah blah, but I felt that the mother started rushing me because she wanted to speak to her daughter. I really felt she was inpatient, and she was circling around the daughter inpatiently. I could really feel her energy.

She (the mother) showed me the book to show to my friend. Inside the book, there were writings in Hebrew, I almost had a feeling that it was the jewish book that is the same with the bible. I asked what is this book about and got the answer The Bible. It turned out my friend knew exactly which book it was, it was called the Book of Ruth which is from the bible. It was amazing and unbelievable.

Yesterday another client came to see me and her mother wanted to tell her daughter to make piece with her (my sitter's) sister. The mother knew it would be very hard for the daughter to do, but she said it is impossible for the other daughter to make the first step, so my sitter who is very strong needs to do it. She also described her husband (mother's husband), as very stubborn. It was a special experience and my sitter at the end asked me if I am interested in updating my website which is something I wanted to do for a long long time but the time was not right and the offers from people were not right. This is the right offer.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Channeling messages about my purpose, day 2

This was completely channelled during the course. The questions are from me and the answers from the angels.

B. What is my life's purpose?
A Help women have babies. (When I answered that, I felt extremely overwhelmed with tears. I had this feeling of love in my heart).

BHow can I help them have babies?
A Adoption. "You will give them babies".

BCan I help them get pregnant?
A No, it is not what you should.

Ok, the ego did not want to accept that, so I asked again
B Can I help them get pregnant? Should I helpe them and heal them?
A You should heal their hearts and soul by giving them babies.

Ok, still hte ego is fighting this answer, I am clearly not comfortable on the mind level
B Can I heal them somehow and they will get pregnant?
A I saw a picture of myself giving literally a woman a child in a palm of my hand. (It was so deeply moving. My whole heart and sould were moved. I uttered a scream because my whole heart was crying and it was so touched. I had to cry, it was unbelievable).

B. How can I do this, how can I change for the better?
A Accept

B What should I do?
A Go to Russia

B When will I start this?
A in 2010.

B Where will I live at that time?
A no answer

B Where will I live at that time
A No answer

B Where will I live at that time
A Here

B Where here?
A No answer

B What should I do in Russia?
A Smotret' det-doma. Find children without parents and give them parents.

B How does healing and clairvoyance relate to these children?
A you can more clearly see.

B Will I use clairvoyance?
A Yes, but it is not what you should do (my feeling was that it is not the main thing I will be doing).

reading 1 and reading 2 and 3, day 1

reading 1
This is the first reading I receied. I will have two children, a boy and a girl. The girl will be a crystal child, very connected to me, so connected that our hearts beating like one. the boy will be good natured, just like the Dad. I will be with a man who will be a good provider, good natured, grounded, a bit older. I am very happy, a lot of harmony between the 3 of us - me and the 2 kids. She did not see the 4 of us in the picture but we are a family.

Reading 2
About H, I need to stand your ground inner power. He has a lot of undercurrents - job/career/money that he is not satisfied with. He is not satisfied with what he has, waiting for something to fall into his lap. It is not about, me, but about his undercurrent. He is not able to see how much I give because he is so distracted by the other things. I need to stand my ground, exert my power and be motherly to him, need to draw where the rlationship is going - either together or apart. She saw that there is a lot of love there.

Reading 3
I need to live my best life - need to raise my standards, whatever it means, look inside myself and will know the answer. She said that she got a feeling I will let H go and there is another one who is right for me. She had a sense I will move to another town (not country, but town).

well hear we go

Below will be the notes from my course. I will try to separate them by days, as there were a lot of notes and revelations.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

so much is going on!

So much is going on. I do not have enough time to write about it, but will do it when I return home.
wow, wow, wow!
And I need to continue with the prosperity plan. I will when I return.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

back to LA and the dolphin trip

Well, in a few hours, I will be on the plane to LA. Yesterday I went on a swimming with the dolphins trip. It was a milestone for me. The boat was small and jumped on the waves, so I was scared at the beginning, but then I thought that I have a HUGE mission, so NOTHING could happen to me until I achieve this mission. So I was telling myself "I am safe", "I am safe", I enjoy this ride and I really enjoyed it.

Then we saw some dolphins and it was so wonderful. We had to chase them though, so we did not get to swim with them. However, we were lucky to see humback whales very close. there were 3 -mother, son and a father. I thought that it is a message for me that my family is coming. the whales were doing all sort of things in front of us, jumping, turning, waiving their tails and fins. They were 20-30 meters away.

And... I did get into the water. I was scared, but I got in and it was wonderfully healing. The whole trip was divine and healing.

Friday, March 21, 2008

i am thinking of writing a book

I am also thinking of writing a book. I will create a separate blog attached to this one where I will be writing it.

the trip is amazing

The whole trip to this course in Hawaii is absolutely amazing! Every moment here is like a WOW moment. It is absolutely amazing. I will be posting my experiences and readings I received in this blog probably when I return. I cannot believe I only have one day left of the course!

my first mediumship attempt

Today we practiced mediumship. It was fantastic, so healing! I sensed this woman's grandmother. OK, I described her accurately, what she wore, that she was overweight and wore something over her shoulders. I was able to get in touch with the love this woman had for my "client" and this is something really amazing. I never felt so much powerful love in my heart. You cannot express it to a client, as it is so hard to translate this love into words. But what is more surprising, I could HEAR this woman (grandmother) talk and she had a southern twirl and my client confirmed that. It was amazing. She was showing things to me, like how much she loves my client. I was so touched and as a medium, I was crying because I was so moved. I love doing this, it is so healing.

well, a proof for my entry from 18 Nov 07

It happened. The scene in the restroom. My friend was able to talk to the teacher. Her back was facing the door like I said and the teacher's back was facing the wall.
I checked out the restrooms and the walls are marble-like and the same gray color, with some additional colorings. I also knew that the bathroom scene would happen TODAY. She also somehow wore a dress that was different from what I described in the blog but when I saw it I knew that today was the day. The dress did have green in it, rather greenish blue. I am still flabbergasted and so thrilled. This is the proof I needed of my abilities.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I feel a bit frustrated

Still sick, did not go to work today. I do start to feel better though, so I hope I will be ok before I travel this friday.

I am a bit frustrated because I feel I am living in this temporary state that will be over. There are changes that are coming (I feel), great changes and I live now, not in the NOW but in anticipation of these changes.

I had this feeling that a new chapter of my life will start soon, whatever this will mean. I got a feeling that I will move into the new apartment between Q2 and Q3 this year and that H will get a new job also at around the same time and this will be a very good job.

I am also frustrated because I do not have a family like everyone else and my life is not settled like everyone else I know. I want to be settled, have a normal family, a husband and a child. It frustrates me that I must wait for this to happen!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

my conversation with Ye

I talked to my friend Ye today and was amazed about this. First of all, last week she called me to ask me if she should go to a place that charges 300 dollars for hair removal or a cheaper place, farther away, that charges 120 dollars. I did not say anything to her, but immediately saw her chin (underneath of it) having a brown discoloration after treatment when I zoomed into the cheap hair removal place. the discoloration was brown and yucky, like a huge and nasty birthmark.

I also saw that if she goes to the other place, she would not have all of the hairs removed. I saw her looking in the mirror at her chin, touching it, and I could feel in MY FINGERS, that her fingers would feel prickly hairs when she touches her chin. I was very amazed about my fingers feeling what her fingers feel. To me this image meant that they would not remove all of her hair. I could also feel her irritation that not all of the hair was removed.

I had to call her when I saw the brown thing on her chin and tell her not to go to the cheap place because of what I saw. She told me that it is possible they can burn her, so she was grateful for the info.

Today I told her what I saw about the hairs left over after the more expensive treatment. What she told me was that she had the treatment done already, and it is not possible to remove all of the hair on the first try, so of course she has some hairs left. I was very amazed about this because I did not know that you could not remove all of the hair on the first try. I was so thrilled about this because it was a great confirmation. But there is more.

She started telling me about this woman she met who gave her a card. This woman is a core energetics healer. She was wondering if she could go to her for healing. When she started describing the woman to me, and she said "mouth", immediately I saw a mouth with two corners pointing down, the mouth of a woman looked like a witch's mouth, so I asked her if the mouth was like a witch's mouth and she said yes and said that the two corners of the mouth were pointing down. I was really amazed that I could see it. I also asked her if the woman's nose was quite huge, also with a hump and she confirmed. Then I told her that I can see the two eyes of thsi woman and they look like two lights - there is a lot of light coming from her eyes and she confirmed that too! I was so pleased. I told Ye that she made my day, especially with the thing about her hair removal.

Still sick and my intuition is telling me to eat things

Ok, I was still very sick but the stuff is starting to come out of my throat now, which is good but it makes it unbearable because I have to cough a lot and it also hurts. My nose was dripping today like crazy and it was so cold and windy and we were next to the water, so the cold went through to my bones. I am afraid ot get sicker.

However, my presentation went so so. I felt I could not moderate these people, but on the other hand, a positive thing was that I changed a direction of my presentation on the spot to accommodate some comments that came up. During lunch I strongly felt that I should not eat any real food, but that I could only eat sweets and soft food, so I ate apple pie which was pretty good and a mouse for lunch. I all of a sudden had this urge to eat honey - I hate honey, I have not had it in many years. But today I felt I had to eat 3 small containers of it during the meeting. Afterward for dinner I had 4 or 5 kg of tangerines and oranges and I finished off with one pineapple.

Btw, I just did a goodle search on therapeutic properties of honey and found this -Honey was originally used therapeutically for its antibacterial properties, but was replaced by antibiotics, such as penicillin and synthetic drugs, in the 1940s and 1950s. There is now a resurgent interest in honey as a topical antibacterial agent for the treatment of surface infections, such as ulcers, bed sores, and those resulting from burns, injuries and surgical wounds. The antibacterial activity of honey has been attributed to its high osmolarity, acidity and hydrogen peroxide content.

So there was a reason why I was eating honey, I felt like it was acting like an expectorant, helping me to get rid of the stuff in my throat.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Still sick and NEWS

I am still very sick. I thought I was getting better this morning, and I was better, then went to work - big mistake! Now I am getting sicker. My throat hurts less now, but I think I have a fever again and a runny nose. So I am keeping fingers crossed. I had to cancel business dinner today to preserve my voice for tomorrow's presentation.

On another note, I have news which I have to document immediately. Some time ago I received a message that I have to focus on the model. Well, I was leading one of the models, then last week my boss prioritize this model as my #1 priority this year. However, today, my colleague who was leading two other models told me that she cannot handle her models, so I will have to take them over, both of them! Now I am going to be handling 2 or 3 models, so now the message "focus on the model" really makes sense. I told my colleague about this, I am wondering how my abilities would change after DV's seminar.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Still sick

I am still so sick. My throat hurts like hell and I sound like a man. I had to cancel my trip to H's mom, unfortunately. I am even not going to eat at the sushi place where I normally eat lunch, I am going to eat at home. I will not leave my home today at all. I am eating shrimp paella today. It needs to be a warm meal.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

post # 200

This is my post #200.
I am so sick and tired of being sick. It started a little on Monday, then turned into a very nasty cold. My throat hurts so badly. I need to cough to cough the stuff out. I also tried to do my psychic CD, but had a feeling that i shouldn't. I tried to do clairvoyance, but had a strong feeling that I shouldn't, I still tried to force myself and already put the CD into the computer but then I was like, why am I forcing myself? So I stopped. I tried to put on my anti-anger CD, but feel that I shouldn't. I miss the gym, but all I can do is stay home in bed and just read my NLP book. Also very interesting. I learned from there that I am mainly visual with secondary function sensory - haha -it is no news to me. As a psychic I am also primary visual.

However, I do feel that I am getting better. Tomorrow perhaps I could visit H's mom and paint there. Let me see what happens.

However, this post is not about this. It is about me trying to zoom into two names. These are the guys I am supposed to work with. Strangely, one of them, J, is from the country N but moving to Boston for his job. I have been having thoughts about someone who also from N but moved to Boston, someone I had a crash on. However, Ea predicted that I will meet a man who will have something to do with the region where I live now, who is a business man, very smart, very good with numbers and who will be accustomed to the US culture. My impression when Ea said this was that the guy was living in the US. Incidentally, my partner, M told me about J last thursday that he is very good with numbers. When I heard this, I jumped in my chair once again. So I did not know which one of these guys, W or J is the possible guy. So I zoomed into their names. For W who is very nerdy, I zoomed into his name but did not see us doing anything romantic. I could see him touching me, but my heart did not respond to him. My heart was cold like ice.

For J when I zoomed into his name, there I saw all sorts of things. There was a very powerful erotic sexual energy. I sense him as a very short guy, maybe 168 cm -shit I hope I am wrong about this, I just saw the two of us sitting in a restaurant, engaged in a very intense conversation. It also appears that I may not work with him directly, but will work only with W. However, I will meet J in April for the meeting that my colleague is organizing. I just placed both of our names in separate bubbles and could see how the two bubbles were holding hands and dancing together. But that could also mean that we are working well on a project. ON the other hand, I can see the two bubbles, circling together holding hands, with little hearts above them. So there is potential. I could also have a feeling of intense love -when you really care and love someone very deeply, from the bottom of someone's heart - like a wife kind of feeling - that this person is feeling - for me? How fascinating. Let us see what happens next. Well, now I am not able to connect with this feeling of love again. Now, 2 seconds later, he is looking at me, and he does care about me, but I cannot get in touch with anything else, not with any more feelings.

My impression is that I am seeing my son, Alexander, but he is not showing me that J is the dad. So this is also important info. He is turning his face away from J and turning to me, and when I asked him if J is the dad, he is shaking his head no. I asked him if H is his dad, he is also shaking his head no. I asked him if there is another father and he is saying yes. So I am quite puzzled about this. Let us see what happens next. I am really really puzzled.

However I did have a feeling before this started that I may endup in Boston. I do not know.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My project has been cancelled!!

Hehe. In the last 3 weeks I felt that one of my projects, "S", will be cancelled. Yesterday I learned that it was put on hold, which basically means it is cancelled. I was so surprized.

I can also see that the message "focus on the model" was right as I am now going to be working on this model with this guy whom I suspect maybe a guy that Ea. meantioned to me - the guy I am supposed to meet because of my karma. I want to test it. I looked at the name of this guy yesterday in computer, his name is J,all of a sudden I saw a heart that encompassed his name completely. So let's what this is all about. One thing I will learn from this is to be patient to test my hypotheses.

Someone else contacted me from this blog

A woman contacted me for some clairvoyace because of this blog. I think it is amazing! I gave her some information that I could see immediately after I read her email, but yesterday while driving I saw a little more, with her attending a seminar lead by DV. I am fairly confident that she will take that at some point. I think she is practically ready for it and will want to do it. I also felt that she has this drive to open up psychically and of course if there is a drive, the third eye will open.

I so look forward to giving her a full reading. It is very interesting how I get more info about one person about one aspect of their life and get info about a different aspect of life for another person. It is completely unreal.

Clairvoyance yesterday

Yesterday I gave a teleclairvoyance to my former classmate, P.
I saw many things in relation to what she wanted to know about, about her dauther. I also saw something I never saw before. P sent me her picture and the pic of her daughter. I could clearly see P's picture crying with huge tears. This is the first time I could see - really see with my eyes open a picture that was crying. So it was a very deep issue for her, I am sure.

I could see that the situation is resolved once P resolves her issues with her husband. Then things will improve with the daughter. It was amazing how the info about the daughter was in pictures but how I started hearing messages once P was asking me about herself.

She wants to send her daughter to me which I said ok to. Also she wants to practice her healing on me, but I need to offer her something in exchange for distant healing. I offered to send healing to the situation with her family. Let's see what happens. I only tried it once before with my friend M. I think it worked very very well.

I feel that I am missing some kind of coaching skills as people are coming to me for advice a lot, they are asking what should they do. They are in pain, and I really want to help them!

Another success!!

Last week I spoke to H about his job - btw, he got promoted to dpt manager. But i told him that I was seeing some org charts - there were 3 people under him, and 2 people under his boss. He asked me to look into what will happen at the dpt meeting with his boss and colleagues. I saw one of his colleagues, he was thin, tall and had dark hair and another one was chubbier and had lighter color hair. He was sitting so I did not know if he is taller/shorter in relation to the other guy. H was surprized and impressed that I could see his colleagues because this is how they looked.

I could see a dotted line from h's boss to H. His boss also had two boxes under him, not three. H disagreed with me about that last week. I said that this is what I see. Well, yesterday he told me that one of the guys (who is now in box #3) is going to move to another department so his boss will have two subordinates. i was very surprized. So H was even more impressed. He asked me about a job he is planning to apply, how I feel about the company. After I heard the name of the company, I had a feeling that the company is shady and unstable - I had a picture of a house made of cards that was falling down. I told him that it is probably not a good idea which corresponded with how H felt about this.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

another confirmation

my friend G. called me and said that she had a job interview in a building that looked exactly what I described - a building completely surrounded by kanals. She did not get a job though but the building looked identical.

Now I need to learn more precision as I see images but it is hard to put them together and the dates. Talked to my friend M yesterday and her teacher MF uses a timeline when predicting dates.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Sending healing to my friend M

Today I sent healing to my friend M, the one who is pg with twins.
yesterday she asked me for an emergency healing - she had some brown blood and it was the ambilical cord that was bleeding a little. The doctors said to her that if it really starts bleeding then there would be no nourishment for the babies.
I sent her a healing today. this is what I saw. I felt I needed to stop after about 13 minutes because it did not look like she needed any more - she started teasing me and showed me a big nose with her hands, she was laughing and playing.
I saw a small thing on that cord she told me about,, there was some dry blood, I gave it some pink light. I also saw angels holding this cord and healing it. The babies were ok, they were playing, I heard them laughing, they were joggling these little pink hearts and sending them to each other.
The thing is and this is what I did not tell her was that the cord was bleeding a little bit, I gave it all I could.

I got a message that she must rest and take it really easy for now.

I am a bit concerned because I am not able to see two babies when they grow up, I am only able to see her with one child - and it looks like a little girl. A very cute one. M is very very happy being a mom. I told her that.

I also today reconnected enteric cords from her to the babies and from her husband to the babies.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

clairvoyance for my friend Ye.

Did teleclairvoyance for my friend Ye yesterday. It is amazing, she asks me about one issue but I get answers to another issue in her life, something that is much less important. It was amazing, I could even see that her husband injured his hand, without knowing about it in advance, of course.

But she gave me this advice - open your heart, be childlike, be open to the experiences with H, be open to your experiences in CA, see what happens.Keep being open. She said that things will be OK and that I will have a family.

Friday, January 25, 2008

today's session

During my morning session with my guides, this is the information that came in:
I need to ask my boss for more responsibilities. I do not need to implement the measure in the study as it currently is. I asked about H what should I do if we do not separate and got the answer: love him, give to him when I asked give what? The answer was everything you've got.
I also got a clue that I need to ask about drug development today.

Note 25.1.08 -follow up
I asked my boss yesterday about getting an extra project but she said that she could give me parts of a project. I was not sure what this drug development was and how it fit but the meeting was about business development. Still waiting for H who was supposed to come at 11 but he is not here yet.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Clairvoyance and My promise to myself

I promised myself that I will not schedule any meetings with any clairvoyants until I return from the course in the US because I believe the course will change my future and lift my vibrations. I do not want to have to go to a clairvoyant twice, before and after the course. I also do not want to get a supervision with a clairvoyant until I return from the course as this course and the hypnotic tape I am listening to will improve my psychic abilities. With this hypnotic tape, I already feel that I am full pledged psychic (only after 2 days of the tape.

Already, I can feel that something has changed in the past week. My drive to move back to the states has subsided. I feel that for now I need to stay here.

Monday, January 21, 2008

guidance for today

this what I need to do today, as per my guides.
Get the model, focus on the model, somehow it is very important. At the meeting today I need to be quiet and learn. Ask questions.

I need to wait with the US project.

I am protected, i do not need to worry. This job will take me up the hill, but I will be going up and down and in a straight line. I saw myself going far away. I can also see that I will fly away waiting good bye, I took it that I will say good bye to this job. I saw that something will start happening, some kind of movement, between August 2008 and March 2009. I am protected, i am in the flow.

I also heard laughter when I asked if I need to be concerned about money. I do not need to worry.

H, his sister and my teacher S

yesterday evening H called me to say that his interview went very well. He is having another one in 2 weeks. So let's see what happens.

Then I was having this thought that somehow my meeting with S today for an individual session will not take place. I actually thought that it would be because I will have to attend a meeting at work. I also did not feel like seeing H's sister tomorrow because of everything that happened. Surprizingly there were no meetings at work that i had to attend. However, yesterday, a classmate called that my teacher is sick and the course is going to be rescheduled until February. I now have to reschedule my meeting with her since she is sick, so I am surprized that I felt that the meeting will not take place and it did not. Amazing!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

a new friend, new signs, and cafe Schweik

Well, some time ago, I made a wish to make some new friends here as I am feeling very isolated and lonely. Some time after that a girl emailed me about my clairvoyance, she wanted to meet me first in a restaurant to talk to me. I did not know what she wanted actually, she did want clairvoyance, but before we said good bye, she asked me if I am interested in doing something this weekend, going to a museum or meeting for coffee.

My initial reaction was to say that I am not looking for friends but then I remembered that I made a request to get a friend.

So we met today, went to the park. One sign of something was that her husband is from the same place where H is now living which I took as a sign of something. Also, my former roommate and another friend are also from the same city. Why is this city somehow following me around?

She also talked about their trip to N.Cal, how they were in Carmel and how much they liked it. H also liked it very much, they drove to LA via PCH which is what H really liked, so I took it as another sign. I was very surprized she was talking about that.

There were a lot of things we talked about - how her son is growing and developing, how he is now quadrilingual. She told me that it is better to have a positive outlook on life. She also said that she did not have to struggle, things just started happening for her. She and her husband came here, not being married, together. Her in-laws also live where H is living now.

Then she asked me about a movie if I want to see something maybe all of us could go and see it. Somehow it resonated with me, I do not know why. Why is it that this city in Germany is pursuing me?

OK, on the way back I was walking to my car and passed by a cafe called Cafe Schweik. This was a sign that I took that H is saying good-bye to me. We stayed in Prague during fertility treatments next to Cafe Schweik, and here I had to pass one by now. I did not know they had one of those here.

He was staying with his sister this weekend and last weekend and did not call me at all. So we know what is going on. Also Daniel said it will be over in two weeks which is taking us to basically tomorrow. So I am waiting for him to say it is over.

talking to Mary

Today I spoke with Mary, one of my guides. I am very sad , bitter and angry about what happened between H and me. I feel like he disappeared from my life, his energy is totally missing.

I am sad that things did not work out the way I planned -marriage and baby. Looking around at my friend M who is now pregnant, my friend L who had problems and then had a baby and now problems are gone, my friend Ye. who also had problems and after having a baby the problems are now gone, I feel so bitter that it did not happen to me! H and I loved each other so much, what the fuck happened to this love? The love I felt for him was unreal? What killed this love, what made it disappear? What would happen if I dropped everything in the summer and moved with him to Germany? Would I have gotten pregnant?

I asked Mary what I should do to help me move on and deal with the situation. She said that I need to let my grief out first and nourish myself, hug myself and hold myself. things will be ok. I also heard that I will a man and a baby.

I saw that my path is going to bifurcate in q3 2008 (July-Sept) and to me it means that I will have to make a choice. I see that one the choices will lead me through a bridge and a large body of water and another one will keep me here. There is a man somewhere, I think he is across the bridge, I feel love, there are hearts coming out of my heart toward this man. My impression is that if I take the bridge it may be better for me - oh Good God, please help me make the right choice. Please help me be at peace in the NOW.

Someone I love will be across the bridge, but I do not know if he will love me. I see myself with a baby in 2009-2010. I see a man giving me a hug. I see me pregnant with a man who has very strong feelings for me, I had a sense of stability - a husband? and it appears that it will be in 2009.

I also felt that in 3 months (April-May) things will be clear for me at work and in 5 months things will be clear for me in my life (June-July).

In the meantime I need to let go of H.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I met T today

I met T. today the one that my guide told me to be very nice to. He seems very nice and also very attractive.

recap and AF

To recap, I POAS'ed again yesterday night, BFN and this morning, another BFN. This morning, as a present to me, my AF began. So no babies for me for a while.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

a double BGN

Did do a POAS thing and got a double BFN on Monday night and Tuesday morning. However when I thought when my AF started last time, it was around the 18th, so if no AF on Saturday, I should POAS again.

Monday, January 14, 2008

focusing on work today the the little bean

Today I was meditating on what I am doing at work. Received instructions - I need to become my colleague M #2 and have solid knowledge about the p.strategies.
Meet with T. to get an overview of the program.

on another note, my little possible bean is hmm, not sure what is happening there. Temp dropped today to 36.9. I started taking progesterone but if no AF tomorrow morning, I will take a test.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

feeling down and blue

I am feeling down and blue. Perhaps I need to eat something. Haven't eaten all day today.

But I am feeling unhappy. What I did do is painted a painting for my mother for the upcoming visit. I hope she likes it.

vision of a child

About 2 weeks ago, I saw a vision of a woman angel (I think) giving me a baby, so this is how i know that some kind of baby is coming. I do not know if this is this baby or not, but i am sure something is on its way.

temps

I have been measuring my basal temps and now am seeing a triphasic pattern (2nd day of triphasic pattern). Trying to suspend my disbelief, I have been talking to my guides. It is not clear to me if it is something or not but I did get a message yesterday that I should POAS in 3 days which would make it Tuesday. I asked when I should expect my period, and got strange answer, one was the weekend and then I asked again and got another answer, in weeks. So I do not know anything. It is very difficult for me to stay calm about this particular issue.
Of course, I could not wait and POASed today and it was BFN. I have been seeing this little embryo in my visions, seeing heartbeat, I have been healing myself and asked my guide Mary to heal my uterus which we both took out, healed it, then took out the embryo, and healed it too. Amazing.

Yesterday I felt life inside me, today I am not sure, I want to take this one day at a time. My guides answers about this are a bit shady. Maybe I am forcing them to say something that they shouldn't, but I asked if it is a child what should I do to let it develop, and was shown my closet where I keep progesterone pills. Mary showed me that I should take 3 progesterone pills per day.

It is also very difficult to sleep, I wake up again every day at 5 am.

new way to do clairvoyance

yesterday my friend G. came. I gave her a clairvoyant reading but I used my angel cards for inspiration. It was fantastic. I think I need more cards. It is possible that I should be using tarot. I want to do an internet search to see if I can find unicorn tarot cards.

talking to my fear, what I think about food

Yesterday I spoke to my fear. It was my fear of loss, fear of pain, fear of being alone. This is the dialog:
Me What are you here?
Fear (F) You need to go through this
Me Why
F You need to learn to be alone and content
Me Why?
F Because you will be by yourself for awhile.
Me When, how long?
F Now, for some months and in the old age.
Me Will there be someone in the middle?
F yes. You need to be alone, it is ok to go through the cleansing that will prepare you for the next phase of your life.
Me How do I prepare for it?
F Learn to be in the moment, allow yourself to feel pain/fear, do not shun it away. Talk to it during meditations, see it as your friend and teacher, not your enemy, it will teach you a few lessons. DO NOT FEAR. Continue on your path. Blessings, my child.

What is food for me? OK, I had an image of food patting my stomach and hugging me. I guess the purpose of food is to love me? I got that I need to eat cereal that I am eating now, carrots, tofu, fish, eggs. What represents taking care of myself, love, cravings, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort. I should have more fun with food. I have to have more time to cook for myself during the weekends and enjoy spending time cooking.

I also had this picture of me sitting at the same table with food (food was sitting in a chair opposite to me). We were sitting there, laughing, having fun together. Isn't it nice?

Friday, January 11, 2008

today

Today, I saw Daniel giving me a deck of tarot cards. They have a unicorn on them. Also, the girl yesterday said that the right deck will find you itself.

I also feel I need to wait until the right deck comes to me and not rush to buy one.

I asked what should I focus on today and got the answer - VD. It is the most important thing today. The thing is to be careful when expressing my opinions. I also asked who is a very important person and got an answer that it would be T.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I forgot

OK, that US project is most likely going to be delayed. One of the companies is doing some research and will not do a deal with us until that research is over. It could be 6 months.

a client and tarot cards

I had a client today who told me about the tarot cards. She is a very soulful girl, an old soul. However, she is the forth person who told me about the tarot cards. This is a very powerful message that I should look into the tarot. She also mentioned that I could learn about physiognomy and and palm reading.

I did not have so much info opening up for her, but had a lot about her boyfriend when I could sense a picture. She showed me a picture of another guy, and I could feel a lot of energy, aggression, anger from him. I saw him hitting a thing like you do to practice boxing. To her this message meant that he was fighting a lot in his life. I also described him quite accurately.

I had an urge to give her a candy box. A very strong feeling, so I gave it to her. Overall it went great. We had an amazing connection. When she left, she asked if she could give me a hug.

More clairvoyance and instructions for my work

Yesterday my clairvoyance tele-session went so so. Somehow when i asked about the person's issues, I am somewhat right but I see other issues than the person. Could it be that I am examining it on a soul level and the person may not be aware?
Yesterday she asked me if I use tarot cards, so it may be something. Again, I am getting this thing about tarot cards but do not get the message about buying them.

I had a thought about going to get supervision with Ea.C. Today I asked my guide and he said that I should wait a couple of weeks. I asked about my work and this is what I got
Be nice to T., the advisor
I should go to the congress in Norway
Do not need to go to the US next week

I was instructed to express my disappointment to my boss that I did not have a strategic role as I expected. However I can say that I like being there and like what I am doing, like working with M, so for now I can accept this because I am thinking to use this as a mentoring opportunity to get exposure since she has so much experience working with other country offices and pushing them. Maybe we could have mentoring meetings, but I want to find different word for mentoring. I should be very open with them. I also should state that I would like to start putting plans on how I will lead this strategic role.

I asked why I cannot sleep and was told that my body is going through a cleansing process to prepare for a pregnancy. Things are coming out, a lot is going on with me right now.

I also got a message that I left my cellphone in my car. I could not find it last night.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

more clairvoyance

I spoke to my main guide today again. This is the advice I received:
take care of your financial things
Forgive (yourself) in the situation with H
Things will be just fine
Do not go to a clairvoyant to know about the future, save your money
Start thinking of finding a new place to live
Something will happen in May
/I also remembered what Ea...., the clairvoyant said to me that I will be invited to the US and it appears that may be invited. I need to reread my diary where I wrote it down/
Be in the NOW.
He also told me that my relationship with H is now over and I should move on.
A brand new life is starting for me. It is a new beginning.

There was more, I just cannot remember it all. Next time I will have a pen next to me.

My friend M is still pg. She wanted to know if she is carrying twins or not, which is possible, I see it both ways, twins or singlets. She will know in 3 weeks.
My clairvoyance for her co-worker yesterday went so well. I even knew where her boyfriend has an apartment, in what part of the city. I also could see that her mother is sick and that her issues now are with her mother. She is having issues with her mother, but she did not want to ask about it. She mentioned this at the end. I saw her boyfriend proposing to her and she said that she proposed to him so they ARE getting married. I saw a man who was not a father but a relation to her barely walking, there was problem with him walking, he walked slowly and her FIL had a surgery on her knee last week.

I was able to characterize her boyfriend from a picture. Things were flowing much more. I really need to trust this information. Things were coming about her work, her manager, I was hearing messages (channeling) so I was relaying the messages to her. Like her boss is a sleaseball, and he is.

So I look forward to my client today and tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

advice from Daniel

i got advice from Daniel today that whatever H starts doing, I should not react to it. Just be calm and do not react. I also should work on being in the moment. But right now I need to keep advice about H in mind. I also was told that I need to forgive him, so I had a session with H where we both forgave each other, he did so after some resistance.

Monday, January 7, 2008

messages from the guide

I spoke to my main guide, Daniel. I saw him at the very beginning and now I saw him again and got to know his name. He told me that my relationship with H is going to be over soon. He said two weeks which will be around 21 January.

I asked about my love life. He told me, do not look for love, it will find you. My impression was that it will happen this year. I also saw a guy, he has blond hair. I asked him what I should do to go through this pain, all alone. He said to me that I am not alone. I have my divine support. I have many guides. He also gave me a hug. I said but what about real people? He showed me my friend M and said that she will help me and then told me to make an appointment with S, my healer. He said that I should proceed with the path I am on now - my new job and my new hobby. I asked what I should focus on the most right now and he said, the model. This is the model my colleague and I discussed today for England. Now, on the second thought, there is another model that my colleague has almost finalized, about mixed tx. Maybe I should focus on that one? But it is not my responsibility really. Ok, let us see. the buttom line is that he said I will be ok.

Why is it that of all projects I need to focus on this one. Then he said that my US project, I do not need to do too much for it now, as it will get delayed, by maybe 4 months or so, taking us to April. I am not sure about the timing but I am sure about him saying that this project will get delayed.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

day 48

Abundance and prosperity is within me. Everything I see is a manifestation of that principle.

I am abundant with love. I am abundant with love and help people without any limitations. They come to me to get help and I help them. They leave happy and satisfied. They bring gifts to me in exchange for the love they get from me and they leave perfectly happy because they receive love and the most perfect help they need.
My psychic abilities are unlimited. I can see all and hear all and there are no limitations. I can see and hear all.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

pregnant

My friend M whom I healed and whose husband I healed by reestablishing the connection between them, she is PREGNANT!!!

I want her to wait until week 12 and then ask for her recommendation when I start healing others.

more proof and .... more money

Ok, here is some more. A few days ago I saw an image of a woman angel with a tray and there was a pack of money on the tray. Then a few days later I received a notice about my vacation money. I have about 11-12,000 USD equivalent vacation money, that I can receive ANY time.

One more, I had a vision of a table filled with food and everything you can imagine. It was falling down under the weight of the food. So I took this image to mean that this is a symbol of abundance. Abundance is coming my way. I just know it.

Happy new year!!!

I spent my new year's at H's family's. It was nice, but things between the two of us are not so nice. He wants to move into a separate apartment from me. I feel I need to end the relationship but I am afraid. While visiting him in Germany, I had a feeling that I have to end the relationship, but I did not do it. Now while he was here, I got more signs that I have to do it.

I saw a vision of my son and when I asked him if H is the father, he shook his head "no". We should wait and see.

And... tomorrow I am starting my new job. Exciting!