babies

I spoke with my dearest friend L on the phone and she asked me about my plans for babies. I said to hear I do not care about babies right now. She said that many people who stopped trying get pregnant. I said I really don't care. My first priority right now is my well being - to take care of myself, my body, my spirit, to keep my mind sane and try not to think but instead fantasize about the unlimited possibilities of the future. I want to spend time loving myself and inspiring myself and bringing myself to the point where I am happy. I honestly cannot even think about babies, my DE plans are now on hold until who knows when?
My other priority is to get my career back on track. It got really messed up by 3 years of working at my current shitty job. Especially the last year and a half have been very bad, for my soul and my self-esteem. I am now getting cramps in my stomach as some thoughts about my current job entered my mind. Ouch!!

I feel that somehow I need to drop everything and move with H to Germany NOW, but I can't do it. I feel that my left part of the brain wants the move to be smart, with a job and with some money. I have a lot of debt due to the failed infertility treatment, so need to pay that out first.

All these job applications

I have some many circulating job applications, one in Germany, another one I am applying for is also in Germany, and one here. I am also grippling with my shitty job that is slowly killing me. I really feel that I need to hang in my letter of resignation. But I am scared not to have an income. Now my income is very large, and will remain so until September. So the plan is to stay there until September if I can stay there or find another job locally that would keep me here until end of the year.

so much is going on!

So many things are going on. H got a job offer in Germany, so he is moving there in July. I am moving there too but a bit later. I am so happy I can quit my stupid job now!!!

I am learning to distant heal, met with a fashion consultant to help me express who I really am. All is good.

Do not feel like going through the DE thing now. I also have until 16 June to love myself and see if a decision comes about it. If it doesn't, I have to keep loving myself until a decision comes.

I will also post an update about my business next time.