visit to a clairvoyant

I am going to a clairvoyant - the same one who predicted I will get pregnant - and that H will move abroad in two weeks.

Also, I went to this evening with a very famous clairvoyant here. I am thinking of taking her course. However, I have a hard time understanding her - this language is something that I understand at an intermittent level. However, I did not like one thing about her. During the reading, she was talking to a woman about her and turned out not to be that woman she had a message for. Then afterwards, I felt she was trying too hard to show that she could find that woman for whom the message was. I felt she tried too hard. I was very impressed with her contact with the dead. She tried to contact two dead people and her information was spot on!

Pregnancy test

Yesterday I did another pregnancy test - I had some symptoms and signs still - and it was positive and the line was darker. On the other hand, my temperature dropped, so I cannot be pregnant. I have a smell coming from down there - could it be incomplete miscarriage? I also have pain and itching there, so maybe it is an infection? I need to call the doctor to check it out before my trip to Germany on Sunday.

News from Swiss interview

I got news regarding my interview in Switzerland. I was told that they thought I was nervous, had poor eye contact and appeared very serious/do not smile. This upset me very much yesterday: I felt unloved and unliked. I had to call H many times yesterday for comfort. I also emailed many friends/smsed many friends and they all sent me what I needed - an affirmation. I was so upset about this. I still am upset. I had a feeling I should not have gone to that interview. Now I have another interview on Monday so I do not know if this would affect me.

On the other hand I know it is for the best. For the life of me, I could not see myself living in Switzerland. It is so devoid of things that are vital to me. I do not feel the spirit of the place. I also know that "they" have a plan for me and I received a signal that this is not the job for me.

I also received a rejection from another company here. So my current job is the job for now. I also gave an ad regarding my healing for infertility. Let me see what happens with this. I hope to get a clear sign what I should do. If my phone starts ringing, this is it!

I also saw that my employment with my current company will end next year. I saw my CV and saw 2008 as the end year.

I saw a stork

Yesterday during my meditation I also saw a stork. It was standing next to me and looking at me with great interest. I want to see what happens to my friend M if she gets pregnant and then I will take this stork as a sign that something can happen to me. But I am almost sure that I can get pregnant too, I just need to cut the cords to the idea that I cannot get pregnant and importantly to the idea that I have bad or old eggs. My eggs are wonderful. They were meant to produce babies. My eggs cannot wait to make a baby. This is what I will focus on tomorrow during the self-healing session.

Things I love

For my next healing session i am supposed to write down everything that I love,like or that gives me pleasure.

Love sitting next to a window on a sunny day looking out of the window
Love to cuddle, kiss, intimacy.
Love to feel loved
Like good hot but meaningful sex
Like to feel in love
Love to be inspired by my work
Like to watch good movies or a movie that touches me on a emotional level
Like to read very much
Like to sight see
Like to spend time with meaningful people
Like to see old friends
Like to be fussed over
Like to eat berries
Like good food
like the feeling of being in my apartment surrounded by my pink butterflies.
I like looking at flowers
I like smelling the flowers
I like receiving gifts
I like receiving postcards from people - it makes me feel that care about me
I like when people acknowledge that I helped them with something or how important I am to them.
I like my daily meditation routine
I love feeling that I love myself
I loved the feeling of helping M with infertility problem
I really like helping people.
I like eating creme brule
I like shopping and buying nice clothes
I like dancing
I like pole dancing
I like listening to music

Still bleeding

And I am still bleeding vaginally. Have been bleeding now for 10 days. I hope it stops soon.

Vegetarian and my mission in life

I forgot to write about this but in my last class I was meditating on my mission for 3 days. It will be a separate post about the mission - but my mission is to help women have babies. This was very certain. When I focused on what helps me achieve my mission, I heard the message that I need to listen to myself. When I focused on what prevents me from achieving my mission, I saw H, then I saw my work building - it was really really clear. Then I also saw a plate filled with meat. So I figured that since I can't quit and cannot leave H at this moment, I want to try to be a vegetarian for one week. And it is unusual for me - I am a huge meat eater. But I have not been eating meat now for one week and it is fantastic! I do not miss it.
However it creates difficulties in finding food. I keep eating cheese so I am afraid I am gaining weight. So I need to fight some books for cooking for vegetarians.

After not eating meat, I feel much lighter inside. I believe my vibrational level is going up. Well, leaving my job is step #2. But I so much want to sell the apartment!! Then I do not need so much money.

On the way to Amsterdam and then to Switzerland

I forgot to mention that during my flight to Amsterdam, during the conversation with this guy, I kept seeing pink everywhere. I looked into the windows and saw that the windows turning pink. I thought it was a sign from the angels - a sign of what I do not know. But it was meaningful - the conversation and also finding this bed. I looked into the website and not only do they sell the bed, they also have courses in how to optimally use it. It is in Vienna. I ordered info. But I do not think the bed will cost 50 Euro. Maybe like 50,000 Euro. But I gotta have this bed for my healing practice. It is my dream bed. My clients will be squeeking in delight - it is a wonderful way to connect with their spirits. I will use it myself.

Then on the way to Switzerland I was scared to fly and saw this white cat in my mind's eye. The cat was sitting on my lap, rubbing itself against me and I was petting it. It was all during reading Sonia Choquette's book Ask your guides where she talks about animal guides. It was so delightful to spend time with this kittie. It distracted me from fear of flying. But I can totally see how the color white is important to me: my guide is a white unicorn, I see myself as a white angel, a white butterfly, I see this white pigeon sitting on my heart when I am at peace, now a white cat that I think was sent to comfort me in my suffering. Everything is white. My happy vision that soothes me is imagining leaving my home, and everything I mean everything is covered with snow - you see the line of snow blending with the white sky in the horizon. So white is important. I suppose white is a happy color for me. I wonder why.

What a day I had today!

Wow what a day I had today. I was on the plane from Glasgow to Amsterdam flying next to this dude from Iran. Before we started chatting, I was able to browse through the inflight magazine where I found my PERFECT healing bed. This is my dream come true!! It is called a coccoon. It has you laying on it, it looks like half a cocoon, and it also has color, it vibrates slightly and supposed to send people on inner journeys. This is perfect for what i want to do. They make those in Austria so I would like to order one. But now I need to manifest a bigger apartment as mine is too small for two healing beds.

Then I started talking to this Persian dude. Well, this is what he said - there is no such thing as coincidence. He started talking about Cologne near which I am thinking of moving. Then he talked about two of his friends who are reaching out to pursue their dreams and have become very rich doing that. This made me think about what I am doing. It is a message (I think) that I need to continue following my mission which is helping women who cannot have babies have babies. This is my mission. So I need to focus on my dream. Then I think I need to seriously consider this job near Cologne. Last time I had a very interesting experience during my interview seeing butterlies and angels.

Then I was on the flight from Amsterdam to Switzerland and ran into someone I knew here. She moved to Switzerland to take a new job. I asked about salaries because this is what I want to know and she told me how much she makes. So it is a good guideline for me. Amazing! I only ran into her because I missed my previous flight and one month before I asked a question what salary I should ask for during my job interview in Switzerland. And today she gave me an answer. Amazing how this works!

help to my friend M

Today I have been helping my friend M with her egg retrieval procedure. I started before her procedure surrounding her in love and sending angels to her - it was about 9:30-9:40. The procedure was at 10. Then I stopped and restarted again at 10:07. I laid down and saw so many things. Hard to remember what happened really. It was so much fun for me. First I saw archangel Gabriel who was standing behind her (behind her head) - however later it moved to the right of her and was holding her hand. Then I have been sending angels to her, then I saw a man standing on the left side of the room closer to her feet. He was wearing dark clothes. i think he was short(er) and had grey hair. I thought maybe it was her dad who passed away. I will ask her how he looked. Then on the right side closer to her feet there was a creature standing wearing a cape. I sent this creature away because I did not like it. Then I have been sending pink to her and saw the room filling with pink smoke, then saw her being enveloped with pink caccoon. She was surrounded completely except for the head. Then I asked archangel Rafael to take over the doctor and help the doctor with the procedure and I saw how it jumped into the doctor.

Then I saw a storck (sp?) standing there on the right side. First it was standing there and looking, then it got closer to M and was trying to communicate with her. Then I sent her 3 pigeons straight from my heart. I could see them fly out from my heart and land on her heart. She was very peaceful at that moment. When I saw the pigeons and felt the peace in her, I was so pleased I started to giggle. Then I sent my most prized white pigeon the one I see almost every day to her. It landed on her forehead and put a dropping in her hair. I thought it was hilarious and started laughing. It is my most prized possession if I can call it that, it is a pigeon that signifies if I am at peace or not. I see it sitting on my heart when I am at peace. It is a very important symbol for me. Then after her head it jumped on her chest and started sitting on her heart.

P.S. She JUST SMSed me as I was typing this and told me that they retrieved many eggs - a RECORD number for her. Then she has no pain after the procedure. I am so happy. Can't wait to tell her what I have seen. I will know if she is pregnant in 2.5 weeks. Cannot wait. I am sure she is going to be.

Now the follow up

Well this is the story with my little fetus. On Wednesday I started to bleed. On Saturday I went in for a scan and they saw something was there but they could not rule out ectopic. Now I am in Glasgow and went to emergency room and they referred me to another hospital where they did a scan on me for free (here in this little shithole where I live I have to pay an equivelent of 150 USD for a scan). So, I was told that my little sweet baby will come out (99 % chance). SO I feel I need to let it go and stop taking progesterone to hold on to it. Need to let it go, need to let it go, stopping progesterone tonight. I feel so very sad. My miracle natural pregnancy and my second baby lost.

I am so FUCKING sad! I do not know how to say it in any other way. I had to comfort eat myself with chinese food to take away the pain. Next week I am going to S, my healer and she can help me grieve this.

DUring my last healing session, I got in touch with wonderful feelings - I still was pregnant then and have been focusing on my baby, sending it love, sending myself love, sending love to my uterus, washing myself in the love soup. I never knew I could love something so much. It is really really wonderful. I have been telling this little being how much I love it and how much I will love it, I will always be there for her/him and will protect it and it moved to tears! I have been crying - happy tears, happy tears, but now the baby really wants to go. I was not meant to have this baby.

Today I have been focusing on sending myself love, but while doing that, saw (in my mind's eye) my stomach bleeding. Immediately I knew that the child was coming out.

I do feel It is possible for me to have a child and maybe this was just a sign. I also feel that I need to cut the cords to the idea of me being infertile. Cut the cords, cut the cords, cut the cords. Need to make myself happy, that¨'s the key.

I also felt when I went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone that I do not need to do that, it was the same when I went to get a scan - that I do not need to do that. And my gut feeling was right as always! I have also felt that this baby started to decay on Monday the 10th September.My little sweet baby. I am typing this and feel the tears in my eyes.
So now I can go to Hawaii and can start taking in clients. I believe now that M. was sent to me because I am supposed to help her and realize my mission. I am testing it now, but last time when I gave her a healing to help her have a baby, I was so moved during the healing, I started to cry. I was deeply, deeply moved. She told me she felt so light after the healing, like she was ready to fly. I am convinced she is going to be pregnant this month. Really convinced. Let's see.

healing to my friend M

Yesterday I gave a healing to my friend M who is going through fertility treatments. I thought that perhaps she and I met because my purpose is to help her get pregnant and begin helping other ladies get pregnant. That's what we focused on yesterday during the healing. My hands were shaking, they never shook before during a healing. Also during the healing I was so moved. I also got a message that she will get pregnant. We will know in 3 weeks. She wants to have twins I said I will see what I can do.

I hope she comes back for more healing. But this is a test case for me to see if it is right about my mission. If it is my mission, the universe will start helping me achieve it. So this is what i am waiting for - help start coming.

I also wrote my ad about the services I provide and will send it to this woman organization.

Unicorn card readings

This was a unicorn card reading for today regarding a question about the child
the first card was called a healer with the statement You have te power to help and heal others. the second card was Happy thoughts and the third card was happy surprize -something very good is about to happen - you can see a child on the card (a baby girl) looking into the window and seeing a unicorn.

Could this be a baby?

Ok now just did a reading about H asking about our relationship. Got two cards: the first one is water where you can see a mother unicorn and a baby unicorn saying that you need to drink more water. The second card is titled forgive - its time to let go of anger or blame. You can see a unicorn and a baby girl hugging it. She also wears pink.

Clairvoyance session for H

I gave a clarvoyance session to H. Ok, lets see. I said that he will be at this job for 6-8 months. I am sure about the numbers but not sure if it is months or weeks or what. So it will be feb through april when his job stops. Then he asked if he will be kicked out or not. I could see him walking out of his office in a good mood.

Then he asked if he is going to return to his home country after his time at his current company is over. All I saw was a forest filled with pine trees. I told him that. I also gave him an angel reading on what his purpose is with his job in Germany. It said that something great is awaiting him soon - perfect timing. He also got a card that was called Listen (about the past), Family (present) and Perfect timing.

I did an angel reading on my current situation - and got Play, Open yourself to love and Cupid. All of these have little children drawn on them. I am really enjoying the clairvoyance sessions I am giving. Hmmm. Something for me to think about.

Still positive

Today I woke up at 3:30 to pee on a stick and again so a second line. I was a bit concerned that it was still faint. The amount of HCG in urine should have increased so the line should have been darker.

But in any case, here it is. I need to find a doctor next week for an ultrasound and a beta test.

positive pregnancy test?

I just peed on a stick and saw a faint second line. What the fuck! I could not believe my eyes!!! Ok, lets recap I was there vising H in Germany on 24 August, I was not sure if it was my ovulation day or not. We had sex and now my period is 7 days late, and then I feel sort of hormonal and weird so I thought I should pee on a stick. So I did and there was a second line. I could not believe it at first it was so faint. So tomorrow I am going to pee again. If it is positive I am going to see a doctor on Monday or Tuesday. Ouch!! What the hell is going on!

I just paid for my angel course!