Saturday, May 28, 2011

have been "progressed" into the future

Last year (2010) my coach "progressed" me as opposed to regressed me into the future. This is what I saw. When I am 40,5, 42 and 43, I saw myself with a man in an apartment. The surroundings outside were snow -covered streets. it was in the suburbs somewhere and the place reminded me of Germany but I do not know where it is.

When I was 46 - there was a little girl that was my own daughter. I am living in the house, nice cozy house. There is a man in the house and I was sure that this little girl was mine. not from a donor egg but from my own egg. Her hair is exactly like mine but lighter (her father has lighter hair so it makes sense). She is so gentle and so pure and we have such a strong heart-to-heart connection! That encouraged my belief that I can have my own biological child but of course, I had doubts.

There was snow outside the house.

When I am 50 yo I reach a place where I feel a lot of harmony and happiness inside me. I am working for myself, connecting children with their parents (not sure if it is adoption or something else that brings mothers /parents who cannot or could not have babies together with their babies. I saw myself as a "blue fairy" that grants people their most sacred wish - that of motherhood or parenthood. Already start feeling tears in my eyes as I write about this.

Ok from this regression showed me that I will be in a country with snow. I have a job in a big office. A big international corporation. Huge building. Blue fairy is gifted at making the right match between mothers and children. She (I) make women mothers and grant their most sacred wish. Not sure if this is a company I open that deals with adoptions or organization that deals with children or products for children. I have no idea. But let's see.

My sweet little soulmate child is on her way to me. Now need to find a job to support her and a man who will be her father. Needs to be the right father for her. I am in a fortunate position where I can select her father.

I am tired of my lover's mysteries

I am sick and tired of my lover's mysteries. I feel I need to end the way things are. Tomorrow we are going to meet and talk and I will tell him how I feel. I do not want to hang in in this uncertainty, not knowing what is going on. I will focus on the positives and will find out what he wants to do and take it from there.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

what's happening with me and my lover

OK what is happening with me and my lover who is also my friend? He became non-responsive without telling me that he does not want to be with me anymore. I asked him when i am going to see him - no response. Sent him a link with a movie I want to see - no response. Did he meet someone else? Is he tired of me?

My guides told me not to jump to conclusions and it is not what I think. His purpose in my life is not over. he is a great friend in the time of need. I asked if we are going to have a sexual relationship and the answer was yes, for the time being. So where is this damn sex? I am pregnant and I need it. And want to feel close to him, smell him, touch him. OK, the 6 healing sounds practice is really helping me to calm down, so I will let it go and stop contacting him for now. He has some emergency stuff at work until the first week of June. I will wait until then and see what happens.

Angel reading from my friend Z.

Z. came a couple of weeks ago to give me angel readings.
The first question I asked was about my divine partner. I think it was whether I will meet him or not? I can't remember.

OK. the first card she got was AA Michael "You can do it" The interpretatiion of it was find the blessings in your current situation. For me it means using hypnosis to be happy.
View yourself through the eyes of the person u'd like to meet and get to know ??? cant understand now what it says.
I need to clear and shield my energy in my living space.

The first part was what I should pay attention to -To stay focused, not get distracted and be happy.
What is blocking - Energy healing- avoid situations with negative energy.
Positive outcome - balance career and home life - this is a must for me now, since my baby is coming.

Extra card - Teacher the time is coming that I give knowledge to others.

OK but this reassured me that my divine partner is coming. That was very clear.

The next question I asked was what should I do in my life professionally.
1. You are seeing the situation accurately - Horus. I need to pay attention to old Egyptian wisdom.

2. Father, hysand, brother, son - Osiris, let go of all the old hurt in connection with men in your life - I hold a lot of anger from old time, and need to let it go.

Update 25.5.11 Strangely enough I have been doing tao practice called 6 healing sounds where you release anger among other things, and this anger is stored in the liver.

3. Follow your heart - St. Francis. Trust yourself, trust in the situation. The universe will ensure that my needs are met. Yes, this is what I need to hear now. I also got this message that I am safe and protected, no harm can come to me. Just want I need, given the situation of me not having a job.

Next question.
I asked what I should do/keep in mind to be a better mother
1. Wise decision - guardian angel -trust in your inner wisdom. You cannot make the wrong decision. Trust you make the right decisions and that your decisions are wise. Do not let anything distract you from your decisions.

Holding wisdom in my arms - I am divine mother holding an owl in my arms - close to my heart. Let go of how I used to make decisions in the past. Follow my heart, be your own boss, do not be afraid.

2. You found it - St. Anthony of Padua. I found something I lost, pay attention if I feel I lost myself or lost something else - need to know if I found it already. Keep faith that I found or will soon find what I was looking for. This situation is what I was looking for. Call AA Chamuel if I lose something. Can't lose my way as long as I am connected to my heart.
Keep faith and confidence in myself. Pause if feel somebody dragging me in the wrong direction. Do not let people distract me from my path.

Pause - look inside myself and connect with myself if too tired. Will know which ppl to ask for help or advice and which ppl not to ask for advice. Need to be patient. Have to get to core to things when u make decisions - can only do it when in harmony. Hold on to your heart and your core.

Stay focused on your inner truth when you get a child. Important to relax and catch a breath before you move on in whateer matter - will be a success story.

3. Pause - guardian angel, beautiful woman, color, state of mind. Taking a break to take care of myself, my inner peace and my well being.

More about H and my baby - something i found that i wrote more than 2 years ago

I wrote this more than 2 years ago, some time in 2009 I think before I left H.
I hate loose pieces of papers, that is why I have to transcribe it here.

This is what it says. "My love life is non-existent. I long for a partner who is there emotionally or physically (and H was not). I stay in relationship that needs to end, and it makes me sick and depressed.

I want a partner who will encourage me to pursue my divie purpose. Who will be happy when I'm happy. I want to be in a flow with him together. The 2 of us flowing far away, the synergies ever before imagined.

Next steps - I need to leave H, as the relationship ran its course. Going to Russia where you meet your destiny.

What is my heart's desire? To have a child, to have my baby girl holding me and me holding her.

Update 25.5.11 As I am writing this, I have tears i my eyes. Yesterday I tried to talk to my baby to tell her how much I love her, but got chocked up in emotions. Had a dream last night about holding my baby and kissing her, and I could not get enough of that or feeling my face and lips against her skin. So overwhelming. Have tears in my eyes now as I type this.

What steps should I take to make it reality?
Leave H, he is stopping you from being reunited with your daughter.

What is blocking me from getting this now? H. Your relationship is over. He is not the right father for the child.

Update 25.5.11 I completely forgot I wrote this and just found it now and had goosebumps as I read it. I saw H last week and kept thinking that he would not be the right father for my child. And also talked to my mother about this 2 weeks ago.