I have been sad

I have also been sad. I think it started a few weeks ago, after I started working with a new guy from the US which has had a bad effect and resulted in me working very late (until 19-21). I also stopped yoga since this summer which was not really a problem during the summer. Then I stopped my exotic dancing course about 2-3 weeks ago. I also had my Buttefly friend visit which I feel exhausted me psychically. I felt a bit exhausted while she was here, but I did not notice it. It got worse after she left. Then I feel that maybe the prosperity plan is also making me worse? but I am not sure about that.

29.10.07 12:58 update - then I realized i have had a lot of grief related to the loss of my little angel. I also have been waiting for my HCG to go down so my hormones were out of wack completely. But I have a lot of grief, so I need to get help from S.

Then I have a problem with my close friend Y because I feel I give so much and she gives so little - the balance in the relationship is not there. We have talked about that and she agreed. Then she is hurting me by talking so much about her son, how much she loves him, and how much he loves her. He tells her I love you mommy -when I heard that, I felt 1000 knives going into my heart. I told that to her as well. I saw that you should adopt a different behavior with me - you cannot tell me everything that comes to your mind. I was surprized she could not understand why I was upset but she got it in the end.

I am not sure she is the person I should be close to. She promised not to talk about this, but I do not think she can do it. So I need to keep distance. Also, when I plan to visit, she talked about getting together but I am not sure I feel like it. She invited me to her home offering that she would cook for me - because this is how she shows love - but I felt I should not do it - both the son and the husband are going to be there. I only need to spend time with her (maybe!) and definitely not with her family at this moment.