22 July 08, Notes from the angels

You should go to Russia on 26 August. Why? Destiny. Set up meetings -with O and consultants.
Go there for 3 days. Email O.
Should I apply for ass'te dir job? No you should wait. Get M's job.

21 July 08, notes

Leave them, y child. Do not argue, do not. Simply say what you feel.
Should I have dinner with his sister? No. Should I call her and discuss what happened? Yes. What should say? Ask questions - what questions? Why? Why do you do this if nobody asked you for your help? What should I do about his mother? Drop sagen. Should I call her? Yes What should I say - you are upset you are not treated like a family -being sick I would like them to see some concern about me.
Ask about clairvoyance and tarot, but do not pushy, say she has not your permission to do it.

What should do with H? Love him. Show him the love. what should I do this weekend with him (I am going to visit him today through Tuesday the 29,7)? Love him. He loves you. Show him the love. Enjoy him. I it is his birthday. Anything specific I need to do? Hold hands and go for a walk. How does this relate to my decision today (leaving his family since they have bad vibes. I decided I do not want them in my life). You will find out in due time.

21 July 08, notes from the angels

Things are on the way to bring me my baby. Soon. this year. You must go to Russia this summer. Your current company will arrange this meeting. Should go end of August. You will arrange the meeting and the rest will fall into place.

14 July 2008, notes

I am sad, scared, frustrated, feel of irritation toward myself. I feel a lot of blame. Why cant I be normal?
What should I do to stop my hair from falling out? Go see a doctor. What should I do? Call a doctor.
What about pregnancy? Put it on hold. How long? A few months. Focus on yourself, love yourself. What about H? Leave him. What about Russia? What about a child?
What should I ask at the doctors? Blood test, hormones.

12 July 2008, after reading Fertile Female

Who is the fertile female inside of me? What does the ultimate mother insdie me look like?

11 July 2008, notes from someone (not angels)

M Should I stay here in this country?
A No,
M Should I stay here?
A No. Leave as soon as possible. It is bad for you. BAD!
M In what way is it bad?
A Toxic, toxic, poisons you.
M When should I leave?
A Now.
M Will I leave?
A Yes, soon, 6 months
M What is toxic?
A Water in area where you live. Move to F'holm (where I have an apartment)
M When
A Now.
M Will I move to Fholm?
A Yes. When H returns in September
M Will we sell Fholm?
A Yes

10 July 2008, notes

This week, Tues, I started sleeping. It has been 3 days and it feels good. The hair has been falling out like crazy, however. I must start using rogaine, at least on the right side of my head. Unfortunately, I have to wait 3 weeks for that. Have burning in my vagina too.
I started the acupuncture on Tuesday, together with the tea (note - the tea does nothing)

10 July 2008, notes from Angels

M How am I doing?
A Better. Your sleep is the key! Sleep, sleep, sleep.
M Should I have slept more today
A Yes, 30 min longer would be ideal.
M What else do I need to do for my health?
A You are on the right path. Please continue. Put up the curtains and it will improve more
M What about my hair?
A It will regrow
M When will it stop fall out so much?
A In 6 months (my note which is in Jan 09)
M Should I use Rogaine
A Yes
M For how long?
A For now. Use it on the half of your head, on the right side.
M What about later?
A You will see

M Should I buy HairMaxx?
A No
M Why not?
A You will not need it.
M What about jobs at the department?
A Read job descriptions and then decide. Get M's job.
M What should I focus on for now?
A The model. Get it right.
M What should I focus on later?
A Price and Russia
M Should I move to Russia?
A Yes, later on you will move there
M For now long
A Permanently
M Should I work with Russia at my current co.?
A Yes, that's a start. Schedule a meeting with O, the Russian colleague.
M What about H and his current job?
A He will be fired in 1-2 months (note August-September)
M When will he return?
A Aug or Sept.
M What about job at XXX (the company where he interviewed- my note)?
A He will get it if he wants it, but he will not get it.
M Will he get it?
A No.
M Will he move back for a job?
A No
M What about me and H what will happen?
A You will separate (Note I do not know why in my diary I crossed out " he will move, you will stay)
M Can I know more?
A Not at this moment. Enjoy him.

Message for H (done before our holiday, about 1st week of June)

M What should H do?
A get out of here. It will be hard for him.
M Should he leave now/resign?
A No he should wait for the package. GET THE PACKAGE! Do not leave without a package. He will be alright. Drag out the time. It's the matter of weeks/month. Things will be clear in the next month or two.
M What should he do with his boss, the butcher?
A Do not give in. Be gracious, be firm. Listen. Do not argue. Do not justify yourslef. Tell him what you want. Butcher will fire him.
M. When?
A In 3 months. (my comment - this takes us into August or September)
M Then what?
A he will return home, but will leave soon for the job.
M When will he return?
A In August.
M When will he leave again?
A Later.
M When will the next job come?
A Soon. A good job, he will be happy.
M What should he do now with butcher?
A Do not criticize. Be firm, do not give in, tell him what you want.

Sick - and hair is falling out

I am still very sick, having terrible problems falling asleep. However, I am trying hypnosis and it is really helping to fall back asleep. My hair is falling out like crazy and I am pretty sure it is due to sleep deprivation.

Posts from El Camino, 29.6.08

And today we are flying home, this evening at 5 pm. I will be home after midnight. I cannot wait to get out. Santiago is a tourist trap, a place where you can only shop and eat. The cathedral was interesting and I will describe my experience there separately.

Posts from El Camino, 22.6.08

It was a very hard day yesterday. We walked to Melide, about 23 km. It was hard, my body was so tired, I felt sick. H did not want to walk, he had pain in his hip, but he made it. We saw a cat on the way, with its two legs being run over by a car. Terrible. It could not walk, was suffering and screaming in pain. I wish we could take him to a vet, but how and where?

Today we stayed in Melide an extra day. Really needed it. Slept until 9 am and then after breakfast until 2 pm. On the other hand, my hair has been falling out like crazy during this trip. (note 29.6.08 - this hairloss now is a big concern as the hair is still falling out, A LOT).

Then I channeled some info. I asked this question, "How do I feel here?" (B)
A: Very very very unhappy.
B Why?
A The company, the place, the hardships. It needs to end soon. Needs to end ASAP. Go home, go home, go home NOW.
B What about finishing the trip?
A Go HOME! Need to be there. Leave, leave, leave, leave, need to be home now.
B Can I rest in Santiago?
A Only take cabs, buses, do not walk.Do not strain yourself.
B Wgat about walking to Arzua? (which is the next stop)
A Take a bus after Arzua. Go home, go home, leave, leave, leave.
B What should I do about my job?
A Go to Russia, deal with Russia
B Whaty should I do about my hair?
A Rogaine, go to Dr, check hormones, rest, sleep.

Posts from El Camino, 20.6.08

Yesterday there was a game Germany-Portugal. My "friend" told me that Ger will win and they did. I should start gambling a little bit. I thought the score would be 3:1, but it was 3:2. Today was a hard day again. I walked approximately 17.3-17.4 km from Portomarin to Airexa. I can see that it´s getting easier to walk. I noticed that I needed to eat a bocadillo around 10-10:30 to keep up my energy level, but today in addition to bocadillo, I had a desert, a flan. This flan really kick started me. I had a huge burst of energy and went well ahead of the others I was following and could not catch up with. THe road went jup and down, it went up a lot, actually, the sun was merciless. I could see that my muscles are not so tired as before, but it is the heat that I cannot tolerate.

It was also interesting to walk alone today, H took a cab and we agreed where we were going to meet. I was daydreaming more, and it also feels a bit lonely, but also freeing to walk alone. I was glad to see him.

Today I realized what the Camino trip is about. To some, it is about pushing yourslef, to others it is about walking, to others it is about losing weight. I can be about anything one wants it to be. First I wanted to push myself to see if I can overcome myself, my body, my physical limitations, and I can. However, today I noticed that my feet are swollen, my hands and fingers are swollen. I had a vision of my body as something that is really bleeding; it hasmany open wounds. I do not think now that this Camino experience is good for my body. This constant pushing myself and constant consumption of fried and junk food is not good for me. My back is tired to carry the backpack, my feet hurt in the new shoes. I am enjoying my new sandals, however, although they are not as green as before, but dusty, very dusty.

Yesterday, the place wehre we stayed, O´Mirador, was not great. NOt so clean, the beds were too close to each other, there was not enough space in the room for 4 of us. To add to this, the French or Swiss French? people were nosiy and two of them snored in a choris at night so loud that I could hear them, despite my earplugs. H told me that it was me who snored so loudly but I could not believe it.

The road today went through a very beautiful forest, but I was so busy pushing myself that I did not notice much of the surrounding. It is a shame.

Posts from El Camino, 19.6 about 18.6.08

Yesterday we went to Serria from Triacastela, the day before, 17.6.08, we actually planned to walk to Samos from Alto do Poio. We stopped in Triacastela for lunch, and after menu del dia, I really felt I could not walk any more. I said nothing to H. We passed the city, started walking on the freeway, him in front of me, and then suddenly when I wanted to ask him to return t Triacastela, he turned to me and said that somebody is pulling his backpack back, as if trying to stop him from walking. Then I said that we should return. So we returned to Triacastela, a lively city, with restaurants and lots of people on the streets. So nice, it felt like a resort, in the middle of this hard and strenuous experience. The feeling of a resort town was nice, but somehow it felt a bit out of place here.

Yet they also had 2 matches -EuroCup - Russia -Sweden and Spain against Greece. Myt prediction about Russia winning was right, yet my prediction about Greece winning was not right. Still I insist it will be Spain who will win this championship. (Note 29.6.08 before Eurocup started, I predicted that Spain will win. The final game is today, let´s see).

Posts from Santiago de Compostela, 19.6.08

A few missed days, did not feel like writing, Today during the trip from Sarria to Portomarin, H had a lot of pain in his hips. We had to walk about 3 km to a bar in Serria county and take a cab to Portomarin. Portomarin is approximately 99 km to Santiago, or so I heard from someone today. I did not check the distance on the map to verify. A big lesson here, during this trip, is to be in the now, walk, enjoy the walk, enjoy the perseverence, yet at the same time, to listen to my body. You learn to think only a few km´s ahead, and not plan too much for tomorrow or day after tomorrow, etc. The state of your mind and also the state of your legs determine where you will end up. Such a lesson to learn for "real" life after the Camino.

The road today went up and down, we passed a forest and some villages that smelled of cow shit. There were lots of loose dogs, I was quite scared. I was also a bit upset that H could not walk today, I was not sure what to do, should I walk the distance- I felt up to it or should I take the cab with him? I asked my advisor and he said "go with him". So I did. We arrived to a private refugio, O´Mirador. It is packed wiht people, lots of Germans. I see the same Germans, a girl from Cologne, 2 women from another hostel where we stayed, an older german couple in their 60´s who walked from the French border.

I was also a bit upset, I "needed" this exercise, so I went for a short walk around the refugio. We´re next to a lake, so I crossed a small bridge we are going to cross tomorrow.

I convinced H to ship some of our things poste restante to Santiago - we sent 6.1 kg, mostly his stuff. Hew also bought 2 walking sticks, I hope they help with his hip. I walked in my new shoes, cute sandals made by Teva. I bought them yesterday in Serria and paid 80 Euro. I loved them. They are green and look like animal paws. So comfy! I was looking forward to walking in them, but htis has to wait until tomorrow.

Posts from Santiago de Compostela, 14.6.08

Today the real tour started. We could not get out of Ponferrada by walking out of the city, but by chance were guided to a bus stop with a bus that took us to the next village, so we "saved" 4.8 km. Then the walk began. It was hard. The path went up and the sun was up there and it was hot and hard. As I walked, I got a message from the owl that said that a surprize is waiting for me in Santiago. Let´s see (note 29.6.08, not sure what the surprize was, maybe that I will not like Santiago which actually did surprize me how much I hated being here. It was unbearable). My bag is so heavy, it is about 10 kg (note 29.6.08 - we shipped 6 kg to Santiago poste restante, so it got a bit easier). Somewhere during the last 3 im, it became easier for me to walk.The path still went up, but it was no longer as hard.

i realized i have not posted for a while

I realized I have not posted for a while.
I am now in Santiago, after walking almost 200 km, tomorrow is the last day that we have to walk 5 km. It was a horrendous trip. I am so miserable. I cannot wait to go home.
It was real suffering, both physical and emotional. Get me the fuck outa here! But tomorrow is the last day of walking and then it is the end of it on Sunday when I am flying home, Thank God!

Conversations with the Owl

I asked yesterday what will happen tomorrow wrt J and the company things.
Owl: Nothing, You did your part, now it is your turn to rest and do nothing. The right people will come/approach you. Just wait and see.
Me: How long shouldd I wait?
O: A month or so
M: will something else happen tomorrow?
O Relax and enjoy. See above.
M: what about hte love of a child?
O yes its the child you were meant to have. Just wait and it will come. A great love of your life.
M Is it a man?
O No it is your child. It will be a surprize. You will be surprized.
M How is it related to RUssia?
O Just wait and see. Wait a month and things will be more clear.
M What will happen in a month
O Be patient

I was told that my mission for this trip is now completed. I need to enjoy.

M what is the purpose of J
O business, will help you will your goals. He can help you get here and achiee your goals. He can help you that/get you here.
M when?
O in two years you will move to Moscow.

The owl keeps telling me to relax. That things will now come themselves. Things like the love of a child.

Kazan' cathedral

I went to the Kazan' cathedral, the acting cathedral in the center of St. Petersburg. Well, when I approached the entrance, I saw women were putting something on their heads to cover them. I had nothing I could cover my head with. So immediately I felt resistance and did not want to go in, but I did. When I entered, I felt like I was not supposed to be here.

I really felt that I had to leave. But I still resisted, then suddenly I saw a vision of JC on the cross, who was showing me a finger pointing to the door. I did not believe I actually saw this, but then I saw it again: he was very persistant. I left after that.

purpose of this trip

When I asked on the morning of the 19th what is the purpose of my trip to Russia, I got that this has to do with the love of a child or a love for a child. I could not understand how it is related to anything, but maybe this experience in the church today is something related to it?

The Saviour on the Spilled Blood Church

I had a very religious experience today. During the break in the congress I went to the Church of the Resurrection of Christ (AKA The Saviour on the Spilled Blood) or церковь Спаса на Крови.

I felt I needed to go in, so I did. There were 2 very special frescos - the first one was of a man with a beard holding a baby in his arms. He was giving the baby to a woman (I guess maybe it was God giving Jesus to Mary). But I had a vision where I saw this man giving this child to me, I took it, held it, and then it turned into my daughter, my baby daughter - I felt so much love for her, I was so moved, I had tears. She gave me such a big hug and held on to me, and was almost asleep. I felt she loved me so much! This was a special experience.

I saw this man first giving me a child from the painting where he was, then identical vision where this man was standing on the floor and giving me this child.

Then there was another painting of Jesus surrounded by white light, walking forward and there were two people surrounding him, one on the right and another one on the left. Suddenly I had a vision where I saw him coming out from somewhere surrounded by the white light and I was standing there on his right side. As he passed me, he gave me a kiss on my forehead, so gently and lovingly, as if blessing me, forgiving me, absolving my sins. I was a bit shocked about this. I felt his lips on my forehead.. Then I moved away from this fresco and when I returned to it to try to repeat the experience, I could not find this fresco. So I did not find it. This was very surprizing.

Then I passed this souvenir shop where they were selling Russian painted eggs and there was one that moved me -it was an egg with a painting of madonna and a baby and the baby was wearing pink like it was a girl. I had to have it, so I bought it.

Hello from Russia

Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I am now in Russia. Woo-hoo!!



I feel that I need to be here and this morning when I asked my new friend the owl, what this is about, I got that this is about a child. A love of a child. So let's see what this trip is leading to.

another dream

I had another dream on Sunday night where I saw my sister in law pregnant - and she is 45 and then my mother in law told me that I will be pregnant in October-November.

I started my own preparations for this.I told my acupuncturist about this and asked for some extra treatments. she said that whatever she is giving me is supposed to help with this too. Then I am going to ask my teacher, S, for those Ayurveda pills she mentioned to promote uterine health. I have also been sending love to my uterus and ovaries for several days and it feels very good.

I am not sure who the father is, neither do I know if it is a natural pregnancy or not. I am asking AA Michael to guide me through this and to help me and to lead me to my highest good in this process.

another dream

Last night I asked what I should do to help me with my business/mission, etc and got this dream with this poem - everything, everything everything is good, everything is as it should.
My feeling is that it is an affirmation and I need to affirm to help me with next steps, in everything, actually.

A dream about a new man

I asked yesterday what should I do to get this baby and had a dream in which I met a new guy. Two new guys actually. The first guy was a latin guy, from Latin America. He was a doctor. He was a short guy with dark hair, very interesting, very pleasant, I enjoyed talking to him but was not sexually attracted to him.

Then suddenly the dream switched to another guy who was very tall but very thin, he had this soft energy about him, this feeling of kindness and I was attracted to this guy. Very interesting. I do not know if it was a clairdream, but this was my thought.