explorations about becoming a mother

1. what really scares me about becoming a mother?
Losing my sexuality, not being/feeling attractive
Losing my body
not being affectionate enough, holding back affection
¨
2. what could be my biggest strength as a mother?
being intuitive to know what she wants
strict
disciplined

what could be my biggest challenge?
being messy
being too strict with her
forgetting that she needs to have fun and not spend all her time studying.

what do i love about my life now that i dont want to give up after she is born?
being myself, following my passions and interests - ie tango
being able to date men, having sex, having fun

what in my life could i giveup? what do I want to change?
Spend less time on internet, facebook, emails, etc.
spend less time being involved in other ppl's lives
want to be more organized

what ppl do i want to include during the first year?
H's mom, my mom, my divine partner, his family
Do? H? Maria.

what parts of my parents¨ parenting style i d like to keep
Instill ambitions, discipline, having meaningful conversations

what am i afraid to pass upon the child from my own childhood?
Negativity, being limited, feeling unloved, notvalued, not important, feeling alone, isolated, being discriminated against, losing my temper

how do i expect my relationships to change after she is born?
With mom- better undestanding of her point of view, more appreciation of her
with friends - losing some of them as i simply wont have the time nor do i do want to solve other ppl's problems anymore. so i need to find a new way to relate to ppl
i expect that i will have stronger boundaries

what has changed just by being pregnant?
more emotional, do not hold on to my anger, i express it more freely.
already let go or letting go of some ppl.
became more intuitive
have connected to a very strong feeling of love, like nothing i experienced before.