d2

I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand and to know that the Divine Presence I am is the source and substance of all my good.

I am the master manifester. I can create anything I possibly want for myself. sending lots of love to my potential employers. visualizing light going towards them. I love them so much! visualizing me starting my new fantastic project in april. and so mote it be!!!
Sending lots and lots of love to potential employers and recruiters. Visualizing them sending love back to me. coming to me w a variety of projects I can choose from. There is no lack. There are plenty of freelancing opportunities. 
Sending lots of love to my beloved D. Visualizing him sending love back to me. we are dancing together in  love w each other. A wonderful wonderful dance!!! w me feeling very loved. and so it is!

d.1

God is lavish, unfailing abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the universe. this all providing source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me - the reality of me

sending love to projects and visualizing them sending love to me. Visualizing several companies interested in my skills and offering me the contract. And so mote it be!!!
Sending lots of love to D. lots of love. Visualizing him also sending lots of love to me and being in love with me. Enveloping him with my love from the heart. <3 strong="">

offering my gifts

1. What are you really good at? Or: What do other people say you do that is special or helpful?  Listening and giving advice. doing reading. Asking the right questions. Excellent intuition.
2. When do you feel the most alive? When do you feel the most at peace?  When I share important stuff from the heart. When i share my sadness and fears and not try to cover them up. When i allow sadness to come up.
3. What contributions do you believe you make to other people’s lives or to the environment? Advice 
4. What is something you are doing that you think your children or loved ones will be proud of after you’re gone?  How i loved and supported them. Comforted when A cried. Unlimited amounts of comfort.
5. What does living one’s “best life” mean to you? Following my heart. Living my passions.  need to find a joint passion w A and do it together.

Need to listen to what A wants to do. what gives her joy. Passion. and participate in it. Including volunteering at a variety of stuff.  Learning something from A. talk about things that bring tears to my eyes and things that open our hearts.

looking after myself

1. Fill in the blanks:
   “These are signs I am not looking after myself - I am overeating. I am stressed. I start yelling at A.  I start blaming. I feel pressure to do smt instead of slowing down.
   When I see one or more of these signs, I will take a deep breath and connect w myself. and ask what do I need right now at this very minute.__________________________________________.”
2. What are three things your body needs to feel healthy, strong, nourished, and at peace? How can you ensure one of these needs are met?     To drink to sleep and to exercise.  I need to serf internet less and whatsapp less. Go to bed at before 11 pm every day - set alarm. Exercise 3x -week. Doesnt matter if I make it to gym. I can do exercises at home or go jogging when A is asleep.  Also my bowels are clean. Eat little portions. No overeating. 
3. What responsibilities, unhealthy habits, and/or damaging thoughts do you need to relinquish so you can look after yourself better?  Internet whatsapp  overeating.   focus on me and not on my friends. 
4. Name something that brings you immediate comfort and helps you breathe.   Last time I was w David.   being hugged by A. 
5. If you made yourself a priority, what would a typical day look like?    Wake up and drink water. No coffee. No cereal I eat every day. Substitute for another food (TBD).  take A to preschool. Then get to work. Work until 13 or 14 and exercise a bit. lunch -fish. spinning twice a week at 18. going to bed before 11 pm.  Fun w A. Relaxed and stress free pick up.

reflection

1. If you were to honestly describe how you’ve been feeling lately, what would you say?  Very shitty and stressed. I alternate between wild excitement and feeling down d-t not feeling like a bad mom and overwhelm about my current situation. Also sad I can't change situation w preschool for A
2. On a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being often), how you often put other people’s needs before your own? How does this impact your wellbeing?                                                                                   Not so often. I feel it is about 4 or 3.  But for A I very often put my needs down. I feel she wants to take from me. Like we got a competition for resources. :( It makes me feel bad. I feel I am giving too much. 
3. Take a moment to listen to your body. What is it saying? What could it really use right now?  Body doesnt feel good. Feels worn out. It wants to say relax. Everything will resolve itself. It needs  a hug and water. and also feeling stuffed.
4. In what ways do you think your self-care practices (or lack of) impact the ones you love?  It impacts them negatively. I dont have excess. I have a lack. And then I cant give out of a lack. I only can give out access. I yell a lot and get to be impatient. And everything feels negative.
5. What do you think is your biggest obstacle for meeting your needs on a regular basis? What would it take to remove that obstacle?  Internet addiction. I spent too much time serfing the net. Also whatsapp addiction. OK I need to transfer whatsapp to my other telephone. Then I wont have whatsapp or messenger on my  current phone and it feels good not to have messenger.

reflection

Reflection Prompts:

1. Are you in tune with your intuitive voice? If so, do you let it guide you? If not, what interferes?   many times yes but not when i am stressed lose control or angry
2. Are you impacted or influenced by other people’s opinions? How so? Would you change that if you could?                                                                                                      
3. Make a list of situations or people who make you feel the most authentic.                                               Lisette  Elena   Hanne. Sometimes A. Also E.   Or some bdsm scenes.  when I can freely share my fantasies
4. Do you often share how you are really feeling or thinking? Why or why not?                               Yes but not w everyone. I follow my feeling if to share or not. Sometimes I dont know if i should express it or not.
5. How could you be authentically available in each moment of your life? Could you be authentically available to someone else? What would that look or sound like?                                                          Constantly connected to myself. my core and make all steps out of that place.  No reaction. Following the flow.

journaling

1. When do you feel happiest or at peace in your own skin?                                                                    When i am dancing and am in a flow. When i am relaxed. When i am doing some kind of bdsm practice. After sex. being w friends. Tantric circles. After shibari. When being in a flow and manifesting.
2. What words do you need to hear often? What words do you need to hear right now?                          I need to hear right now - vse budet khorosho. Vse u tebya poluchitsya. Dont focus on 1 %. Focus only on 99 %.   I need to hear often: I love you. You are doing your very best. You made some mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It is OK to make mistakes.  You are a good mother. 
3. Considering your hopes and dreams as a child, how would your ten-year-old self feel about what you have accomplished thus far in life?                                                                                           My 10yo would feel amazed at what I have accomplished. Would also feel sad for me for being sad but would appreciate my bravery and following my heart-. it is truly amazing what I have done in my life. 
4. How might you move forward with only your best interests in mind?                                                 have much more fun in my life. Going out 2 times per week and have fun. Not listen to perfectionist voice. Yet being careful how i spend money. Sleeping on it if i need to make a big purchase. Tell myself I love you often. Look at how far you have come.
5. How can you relate to this quote by JM Storm? “And the more she loved herself, the simpler it became for her. And the more complex it became for everyone else.”                                                  Yes it is about putting me and my needs first. and being unapologetic about it.

Self nourishment

1. How often do you nourish yourself with necessities like plenty of water, rest, exercise, nutritious food, or by engaging in a hobby? Is this enough or not? How do you know?                                         No! I do not. I forget to drink and eat same boring foods. Do not get enough rest. Dont do enough hobbying. I feel a lack. I feel my life is not fun. I am stuck at home. I miss being around guys.
2. Describe your inner voice in a couple of words. Would you want your child or loved one to have an inner voice with those same qualities?                                                                                                 Harsh demanding. Critical. Very critical. I am not enough. NO!!!
3. How do you treat yourself when you mess up?  I berate myself. How stupid can you get!! lots of blaming.  Ridiculing.                                                                                                                                             Is it similar to the way you treat your loved ones when they make a mistake?  Yes.                  Would you prefer to respond differently? In what way? I would like to be more loving of mysef. more gente and more forgiving yet still keeping myself responsible. Not putting me down.  More accepting voice. More positive voice.         
4. Do you think having a more positive inner voice could improve your everyday life or your relationship with a specific person? Please elaborate.                                                                             I would like to get a positive inner voice to interact better w my kid. To be more patient. More forgiving. Not blaming for very small t hings. Letting go. Asking if it is important. Being able to pause. Not overreacting. Have her tell me secrets without being afraid of my reaction.                                                                       

d17

The divine consciousness that I am is forever expressing its true nature of abundance. This is its responsibility, not mine. My only responsibility is to be aware of this truth. Therefore, I am totally confident in letting go and letting God appear as the abundant all-sufficiency in my life and affairs.

Sending lots of love to my bank accounts. Visualizing my money expanding. and expanding and growing and growing. Visualizing a supply of money and me receiving 12000 Euro into my account NOW. And so mote it be!!!
Surrounding my potential employers wit lots of love. lots and lots of love. Sending them love from my heart. Visualizing signing a fantastic contract and starting my new job 1 March. And so mote it be!!! Amen!!

A Practice in True Self-Worth

1. Write an encouraging note-to-self to read next time you are feeling defeated or in doubt. Include your positive traits or things you do that help other people.                                                                I love you so much! You will succeed. You will persevere. You have always persevered and used your magic to turn things around. It will happen to you again. Success is on its way to you NOW.
2. List two people who inspire you. What inspires you about them? How are they admirable?  How are they imperfect? How are you like them?                                                                                Hessie. Open hearted. Inspiring. Authentic. True leader. I am also authentic and true and very brave. Am following my heart also.    Cannot think of a second person.
3. How can you be kinder to yourself today? What are specific things you say to yourself to be more compassionate and accepting today?                                                                                                   I love you very much. You are fantastic. A great mother. A survivor. I love you no matter what. No matter what I will stand by you.  <3 a.="" a="" absolutely="" and="" are="" best.="" best="" doing="" for="" great="" her="" li="" love.="" love="" model.="" mom="" myself.="" nbsp="" nly="" only="" role="" the="" today="" towards="" very="" you="" your="">

D16

My inner supply instantly and constantly takes on form and experience according to my needs and desires and as a principle of supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any needs or unfulfilled desires.

Sending lots of love to my bank accounts. Visualizing them expanding. Lots and lots of love to them. Lots and lots of love. Visualizing them expanding significiantly. and so it is!!
Visualizing myself calm and collect and the situation w As psych referral working out in the best possible way.  and so it is!!

Sending lots and lots of love to projects. Visualizing many projects coming to me. Many many. Sending love to specific projects that are right for me. And so it is!!!  visualizing myself signing a great contract. And so mote it be!!

D15

money is not my supply. No person, place or condition is my supply. My awareness, understanding and knowledge of the all-providing activity of the Divine Mind within me is my supply. My consciousness of this Truth is unlimited, therefore my supply is unlimited.

Sending lots of love to my employers. Lots and lots of love. sending lots and lots of love to my clients who want to get readings. Who are suffering and need to know the future. Sending lots of love to my potential rma clients. visualizng me signing a fantastic contract. and so mote it be!
Sending a lot of love to my bank account. lots and lots of love. Visualizing money on my account expanding and expanding and expanding. And so it is. 

d14

Through my consciousness of my God self as my source, I draw into my mind and feeling nature the very substance of spirit. This substance is my supply, thus my consciousness of the presence of God within me is my supply.

Sending love to my bank accounts. Lots and lots of love. Visualizing my balances increasing very much.  and so it is!!

Visualizing myself signing contract and starting my dream project by 1 March!! And so mote it be!!!

D13

I am conscious of the inner presence as my lavish abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of the this mind of infinite prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the light of truth.

Visualizing signing fantastic contract NOW. Visualizing myself starting work by 1 March at the best possible place for me. And so mote it be!!
Sending love lots of love to all my potential employers. Visualizinng them feeling my love and coming closer and closer. Visualizing me picking the best possible contract/project for me. And so it is!!!

questions and answers

what do I want to achieve?
To make sad people happy. To give them hope. to make them believe. I am leading people to a beautiful serene place were they are in touch with themselves. fully aligned and in touch w their own truth.
 Grounded and centered.
I am inside the room sitting on the throne. Things are running smoothly by themselves. i am sitting and resting and holding space.  People know what to do because they are inspired to be their best. They are in control but i set the direction and the vision.
I feel at ease. Feeling it is my right place.

Whom and what are you serving? Life itself. I serve the universe.  I serve for the highest good of all mankind.  What you are serving? Success and flow.  Who is your god or goddess that you are serving? Aphrodite. Zeus.

What is true in your heart to serve?   Improvement in people's lives. Alleviation of suffering. Turning hopelessness into hope.

Where are you leading people to? To be their very best. TO be in touch w their full potential. To be true to themselves.  Do you want them to be your underdogs, do you lead to fun, or do you lead people to help you achieve your own goals? Do you want them to find happiness? To be who they truly are. To find their voice. To help them grow. To be authentic. Grow into their full potential.

What world do I wish to see, what would I love for the people whom I lead? harmony. Fulfillment.  What is my part to bring that into fruition? to be a leader. to create. use my intuition and creativity. Inspire others to be themselves.

D12

I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand and to know that the divine presence I am is the source and substance of all my good

Visualizing signing contract and  starting my new project on 1 March. Fantastic amazing project where I can be as creative as I want to be and where I feel that I am serving from my heart. And so mote it be!!
Sending lots and lots of love to people from NN. Visualizing them returning to me w great news!! and so it is!!!

reflection on self-worth

1. How do you measure your self-worth?                                                                                                If I work I feel I am worth more. If I have a successful career and am being productive. If I am being a perfect mother. If I *behave* well. If I respond adequately to people who offend me. Having money.  Being able to go on holidays. Being able to spend money.  Being dressed well. Being able to provide for my child.     Being able to serve people by doing reading that make a difference in their lives.       Being in a good relationship.  high salary.                                                                                                                                        
2.  How do you define success?                                                                                                                     Success means to me professional success. And being able to take a short break from work.  being able to afford to take time off.     Also landing a guy. Being married.   Making a lot of money.                                                                                                                                                              
3. Do you feel a shift is needed in either area?   Yes making more meaning out of relationship w my kid.   Detaching my self-worth from work or a guy. Changing my definition on success.                   
4. How might you alter your current standards to be less superficial and more focused on what really matters in life?  Stop Tying success to happiness.  Being more in the moment. Being more present and listening to my soul.           Feeling I am good enough. also as a parent. I am good enough and I deserve to be present for every good moment of  my life! I am worthy of all great things.      Look  for evidence well lived.                                                                                                                             
5. Is your inner critic more vocal when you are in certain situations or around particular people?          Professionally yes around big bosses. I feel very small. Like i don't deserve. I also feel like an impostor. Also around A's caregivers. feeling not good enough of a mom. She disrespects me or doesn't listen to me.                                                                                                                               
6. What changes might you make to minimize your exposure to those situations or people?  wear a shield. Not hang out with such parents that  bring me down. Expand my energy. Practice being friendly by looking at pics of friendly people. Smiling at men.

d 11

God is lavish, unfailing abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the universe. this all providing source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me - the reality of me

sending a lot of love to project in Dk. Visualizing it to be the perfect project for me. Te most perfect. Visualizing them sending me a contract and giving me the best possible salary. Visualizing me starting my new project on 1 March.  and so it is!! Sending lots and lots of love to NN.  Lots of love. Visualizing that I am the most perfect candidate and me being a total success. visualizing all the practicalities around this project working out so perfectly and finding best possible care for A. and so mote it be!!!

visualizing me starting my new fantastic project on 1 March. Project that makes me so very happy!! and so  it is!!!

d10

I keep my mind and thoughts off this world and I place my entire focus on God within as the only cause of my prosperity. I acknowledge the inner presence as the only activity in my financial affairs, as the substance of all things visible. I place my faith in the principle of abundance in action within me now.

Visualizing a fantastic opportunity I am working on. I love coming to office every day. Being there makes my heart sing. Visualizing it lasting 1.5 to 2 years. and so mote it be! Visualizing signing my contract wit fantastic pay and starting my new project on 1 March. And so mote it be!!!
Visualizing me being very happy! also calm and patient and loving with me and A.

d9

when i am aware of the god-self within me as my total fulfillment, i am totally fulfilled. i am now aware of this truth. I have found the secret of life and I relax in the knowledge that the activity of the divine abundance is eternally operating in my life. I simply have to be aware of the flow, the radiation of that creative energy, which is continuously, easily and effortlessly pouring forth from my divine consciousness. i am now aware, I am now in the flow.

Visualizing me being totally in the flow and being contacted about several great opportunities. Sending love to these opportunities and visualizing picking the one tat is the most serving for me and them. The best possible opportunity in the most perfect location for me and A. Opportunity that also provides abundance for us. visualizing signing contract and starting working in February. And so mote it be!
Sending lots and lots of love!!  
visualizing many opportunities coming to me. Many many. visualizing an abundance of opportunities and they all want me. Sending them all lots of love. sending lots of love to my clients. Lots of love from my heart.
visualizing resolving my financial situation. and so mote it be!!

d8

My consciousness of the spirit within me as my unlimited source is the Divine power to make all things new, to lift me up to the High Road of Abundant prosperity. This awareness, understanding and knowledge of Spirit appears as every visible form and experience that I could possibly desire

visualizing me starting my amazing fantastic project where I feel a strong sense of purpose and service NOW. And so mote it be!! visualizing myself being very sure about it and my success. Visualizing my new project being a success. And so mote it be!!!

d7

the divine consciousness that i am is forever expressing its true nature of abundance. this is its responsibility, not mine. my only responsibility is to be aware of this Truth. Therefore, I am totally confident in letting go and letting God appear as the abundant all-sufficiency in my life and affairs.

visualizing me starting the most fantastic project/ob for me. Amazing projects and great people. I am happy to go to work. sending love to my potential employers. they feel my love and come forward. visualizing me signing the contract. and so mote it be!!
visualizing me finishing my novel and setting up my spiritual business and getting clients. Sending lots and lots of love to my clients visualizing them coming to me in great number. They need help and they know tat i can really help them.

d6

My inner supply instantly and constantly takes on form and experience according to my needs and desires and as a principle of supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any needs or unfulfilled desires.

Sending lots and lots of love to my projects and employers. Lots of love from my heart. Visualizing them also seeking me . I am the right person for them with just the right experience. Visualizing signing a fantastic contract for 1.5 years and moving to CH with my daughter. And so mote it be.
Visualizing us both safe and sound and the transition to the new life to be seamless. Finding a fantastic school for her that fits her well and settling down well at the new place.
And so mote it be.

i am back

I am back!!! To be continued.

sending lots and lots of love

sending lots and lots of love to d.b. lots and lots of love to her. sending lots and lots of love to N. lots and lots of love. sending lots and lots of love to the waiter at the restaurant. lots and lots of love!!!