visit to a clairvoyant

I am going to a clairvoyant - the same one who predicted I will get pregnant - and that H will move abroad in two weeks.

Also, I went to this evening with a very famous clairvoyant here. I am thinking of taking her course. However, I have a hard time understanding her - this language is something that I understand at an intermittent level. However, I did not like one thing about her. During the reading, she was talking to a woman about her and turned out not to be that woman she had a message for. Then afterwards, I felt she was trying too hard to show that she could find that woman for whom the message was. I felt she tried too hard. I was very impressed with her contact with the dead. She tried to contact two dead people and her information was spot on!

Pregnancy test

Yesterday I did another pregnancy test - I had some symptoms and signs still - and it was positive and the line was darker. On the other hand, my temperature dropped, so I cannot be pregnant. I have a smell coming from down there - could it be incomplete miscarriage? I also have pain and itching there, so maybe it is an infection? I need to call the doctor to check it out before my trip to Germany on Sunday.

News from Swiss interview

I got news regarding my interview in Switzerland. I was told that they thought I was nervous, had poor eye contact and appeared very serious/do not smile. This upset me very much yesterday: I felt unloved and unliked. I had to call H many times yesterday for comfort. I also emailed many friends/smsed many friends and they all sent me what I needed - an affirmation. I was so upset about this. I still am upset. I had a feeling I should not have gone to that interview. Now I have another interview on Monday so I do not know if this would affect me.

On the other hand I know it is for the best. For the life of me, I could not see myself living in Switzerland. It is so devoid of things that are vital to me. I do not feel the spirit of the place. I also know that "they" have a plan for me and I received a signal that this is not the job for me.

I also received a rejection from another company here. So my current job is the job for now. I also gave an ad regarding my healing for infertility. Let me see what happens with this. I hope to get a clear sign what I should do. If my phone starts ringing, this is it!

I also saw that my employment with my current company will end next year. I saw my CV and saw 2008 as the end year.

I saw a stork

Yesterday during my meditation I also saw a stork. It was standing next to me and looking at me with great interest. I want to see what happens to my friend M if she gets pregnant and then I will take this stork as a sign that something can happen to me. But I am almost sure that I can get pregnant too, I just need to cut the cords to the idea that I cannot get pregnant and importantly to the idea that I have bad or old eggs. My eggs are wonderful. They were meant to produce babies. My eggs cannot wait to make a baby. This is what I will focus on tomorrow during the self-healing session.

Things I love

For my next healing session i am supposed to write down everything that I love,like or that gives me pleasure.

Love sitting next to a window on a sunny day looking out of the window
Love to cuddle, kiss, intimacy.
Love to feel loved
Like good hot but meaningful sex
Like to feel in love
Love to be inspired by my work
Like to watch good movies or a movie that touches me on a emotional level
Like to read very much
Like to sight see
Like to spend time with meaningful people
Like to see old friends
Like to be fussed over
Like to eat berries
Like good food
like the feeling of being in my apartment surrounded by my pink butterflies.
I like looking at flowers
I like smelling the flowers
I like receiving gifts
I like receiving postcards from people - it makes me feel that care about me
I like when people acknowledge that I helped them with something or how important I am to them.
I like my daily meditation routine
I love feeling that I love myself
I loved the feeling of helping M with infertility problem
I really like helping people.
I like eating creme brule
I like shopping and buying nice clothes
I like dancing
I like pole dancing
I like listening to music

Still bleeding

And I am still bleeding vaginally. Have been bleeding now for 10 days. I hope it stops soon.

Vegetarian and my mission in life

I forgot to write about this but in my last class I was meditating on my mission for 3 days. It will be a separate post about the mission - but my mission is to help women have babies. This was very certain. When I focused on what helps me achieve my mission, I heard the message that I need to listen to myself. When I focused on what prevents me from achieving my mission, I saw H, then I saw my work building - it was really really clear. Then I also saw a plate filled with meat. So I figured that since I can't quit and cannot leave H at this moment, I want to try to be a vegetarian for one week. And it is unusual for me - I am a huge meat eater. But I have not been eating meat now for one week and it is fantastic! I do not miss it.
However it creates difficulties in finding food. I keep eating cheese so I am afraid I am gaining weight. So I need to fight some books for cooking for vegetarians.

After not eating meat, I feel much lighter inside. I believe my vibrational level is going up. Well, leaving my job is step #2. But I so much want to sell the apartment!! Then I do not need so much money.

On the way to Amsterdam and then to Switzerland

I forgot to mention that during my flight to Amsterdam, during the conversation with this guy, I kept seeing pink everywhere. I looked into the windows and saw that the windows turning pink. I thought it was a sign from the angels - a sign of what I do not know. But it was meaningful - the conversation and also finding this bed. I looked into the website and not only do they sell the bed, they also have courses in how to optimally use it. It is in Vienna. I ordered info. But I do not think the bed will cost 50 Euro. Maybe like 50,000 Euro. But I gotta have this bed for my healing practice. It is my dream bed. My clients will be squeeking in delight - it is a wonderful way to connect with their spirits. I will use it myself.

Then on the way to Switzerland I was scared to fly and saw this white cat in my mind's eye. The cat was sitting on my lap, rubbing itself against me and I was petting it. It was all during reading Sonia Choquette's book Ask your guides where she talks about animal guides. It was so delightful to spend time with this kittie. It distracted me from fear of flying. But I can totally see how the color white is important to me: my guide is a white unicorn, I see myself as a white angel, a white butterfly, I see this white pigeon sitting on my heart when I am at peace, now a white cat that I think was sent to comfort me in my suffering. Everything is white. My happy vision that soothes me is imagining leaving my home, and everything I mean everything is covered with snow - you see the line of snow blending with the white sky in the horizon. So white is important. I suppose white is a happy color for me. I wonder why.

What a day I had today!

Wow what a day I had today. I was on the plane from Glasgow to Amsterdam flying next to this dude from Iran. Before we started chatting, I was able to browse through the inflight magazine where I found my PERFECT healing bed. This is my dream come true!! It is called a coccoon. It has you laying on it, it looks like half a cocoon, and it also has color, it vibrates slightly and supposed to send people on inner journeys. This is perfect for what i want to do. They make those in Austria so I would like to order one. But now I need to manifest a bigger apartment as mine is too small for two healing beds.

Then I started talking to this Persian dude. Well, this is what he said - there is no such thing as coincidence. He started talking about Cologne near which I am thinking of moving. Then he talked about two of his friends who are reaching out to pursue their dreams and have become very rich doing that. This made me think about what I am doing. It is a message (I think) that I need to continue following my mission which is helping women who cannot have babies have babies. This is my mission. So I need to focus on my dream. Then I think I need to seriously consider this job near Cologne. Last time I had a very interesting experience during my interview seeing butterlies and angels.

Then I was on the flight from Amsterdam to Switzerland and ran into someone I knew here. She moved to Switzerland to take a new job. I asked about salaries because this is what I want to know and she told me how much she makes. So it is a good guideline for me. Amazing! I only ran into her because I missed my previous flight and one month before I asked a question what salary I should ask for during my job interview in Switzerland. And today she gave me an answer. Amazing how this works!

help to my friend M

Today I have been helping my friend M with her egg retrieval procedure. I started before her procedure surrounding her in love and sending angels to her - it was about 9:30-9:40. The procedure was at 10. Then I stopped and restarted again at 10:07. I laid down and saw so many things. Hard to remember what happened really. It was so much fun for me. First I saw archangel Gabriel who was standing behind her (behind her head) - however later it moved to the right of her and was holding her hand. Then I have been sending angels to her, then I saw a man standing on the left side of the room closer to her feet. He was wearing dark clothes. i think he was short(er) and had grey hair. I thought maybe it was her dad who passed away. I will ask her how he looked. Then on the right side closer to her feet there was a creature standing wearing a cape. I sent this creature away because I did not like it. Then I have been sending pink to her and saw the room filling with pink smoke, then saw her being enveloped with pink caccoon. She was surrounded completely except for the head. Then I asked archangel Rafael to take over the doctor and help the doctor with the procedure and I saw how it jumped into the doctor.

Then I saw a storck (sp?) standing there on the right side. First it was standing there and looking, then it got closer to M and was trying to communicate with her. Then I sent her 3 pigeons straight from my heart. I could see them fly out from my heart and land on her heart. She was very peaceful at that moment. When I saw the pigeons and felt the peace in her, I was so pleased I started to giggle. Then I sent my most prized white pigeon the one I see almost every day to her. It landed on her forehead and put a dropping in her hair. I thought it was hilarious and started laughing. It is my most prized possession if I can call it that, it is a pigeon that signifies if I am at peace or not. I see it sitting on my heart when I am at peace. It is a very important symbol for me. Then after her head it jumped on her chest and started sitting on her heart.

P.S. She JUST SMSed me as I was typing this and told me that they retrieved many eggs - a RECORD number for her. Then she has no pain after the procedure. I am so happy. Can't wait to tell her what I have seen. I will know if she is pregnant in 2.5 weeks. Cannot wait. I am sure she is going to be.

Now the follow up

Well this is the story with my little fetus. On Wednesday I started to bleed. On Saturday I went in for a scan and they saw something was there but they could not rule out ectopic. Now I am in Glasgow and went to emergency room and they referred me to another hospital where they did a scan on me for free (here in this little shithole where I live I have to pay an equivelent of 150 USD for a scan). So, I was told that my little sweet baby will come out (99 % chance). SO I feel I need to let it go and stop taking progesterone to hold on to it. Need to let it go, need to let it go, stopping progesterone tonight. I feel so very sad. My miracle natural pregnancy and my second baby lost.

I am so FUCKING sad! I do not know how to say it in any other way. I had to comfort eat myself with chinese food to take away the pain. Next week I am going to S, my healer and she can help me grieve this.

DUring my last healing session, I got in touch with wonderful feelings - I still was pregnant then and have been focusing on my baby, sending it love, sending myself love, sending love to my uterus, washing myself in the love soup. I never knew I could love something so much. It is really really wonderful. I have been telling this little being how much I love it and how much I will love it, I will always be there for her/him and will protect it and it moved to tears! I have been crying - happy tears, happy tears, but now the baby really wants to go. I was not meant to have this baby.

Today I have been focusing on sending myself love, but while doing that, saw (in my mind's eye) my stomach bleeding. Immediately I knew that the child was coming out.

I do feel It is possible for me to have a child and maybe this was just a sign. I also feel that I need to cut the cords to the idea of me being infertile. Cut the cords, cut the cords, cut the cords. Need to make myself happy, that¨'s the key.

I also felt when I went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone that I do not need to do that, it was the same when I went to get a scan - that I do not need to do that. And my gut feeling was right as always! I have also felt that this baby started to decay on Monday the 10th September.My little sweet baby. I am typing this and feel the tears in my eyes.
So now I can go to Hawaii and can start taking in clients. I believe now that M. was sent to me because I am supposed to help her and realize my mission. I am testing it now, but last time when I gave her a healing to help her have a baby, I was so moved during the healing, I started to cry. I was deeply, deeply moved. She told me she felt so light after the healing, like she was ready to fly. I am convinced she is going to be pregnant this month. Really convinced. Let's see.

healing to my friend M

Yesterday I gave a healing to my friend M who is going through fertility treatments. I thought that perhaps she and I met because my purpose is to help her get pregnant and begin helping other ladies get pregnant. That's what we focused on yesterday during the healing. My hands were shaking, they never shook before during a healing. Also during the healing I was so moved. I also got a message that she will get pregnant. We will know in 3 weeks. She wants to have twins I said I will see what I can do.

I hope she comes back for more healing. But this is a test case for me to see if it is right about my mission. If it is my mission, the universe will start helping me achieve it. So this is what i am waiting for - help start coming.

I also wrote my ad about the services I provide and will send it to this woman organization.

Unicorn card readings

This was a unicorn card reading for today regarding a question about the child
the first card was called a healer with the statement You have te power to help and heal others. the second card was Happy thoughts and the third card was happy surprize -something very good is about to happen - you can see a child on the card (a baby girl) looking into the window and seeing a unicorn.

Could this be a baby?

Ok now just did a reading about H asking about our relationship. Got two cards: the first one is water where you can see a mother unicorn and a baby unicorn saying that you need to drink more water. The second card is titled forgive - its time to let go of anger or blame. You can see a unicorn and a baby girl hugging it. She also wears pink.

Clairvoyance session for H

I gave a clarvoyance session to H. Ok, lets see. I said that he will be at this job for 6-8 months. I am sure about the numbers but not sure if it is months or weeks or what. So it will be feb through april when his job stops. Then he asked if he will be kicked out or not. I could see him walking out of his office in a good mood.

Then he asked if he is going to return to his home country after his time at his current company is over. All I saw was a forest filled with pine trees. I told him that. I also gave him an angel reading on what his purpose is with his job in Germany. It said that something great is awaiting him soon - perfect timing. He also got a card that was called Listen (about the past), Family (present) and Perfect timing.

I did an angel reading on my current situation - and got Play, Open yourself to love and Cupid. All of these have little children drawn on them. I am really enjoying the clairvoyance sessions I am giving. Hmmm. Something for me to think about.

Still positive

Today I woke up at 3:30 to pee on a stick and again so a second line. I was a bit concerned that it was still faint. The amount of HCG in urine should have increased so the line should have been darker.

But in any case, here it is. I need to find a doctor next week for an ultrasound and a beta test.

positive pregnancy test?

I just peed on a stick and saw a faint second line. What the fuck! I could not believe my eyes!!! Ok, lets recap I was there vising H in Germany on 24 August, I was not sure if it was my ovulation day or not. We had sex and now my period is 7 days late, and then I feel sort of hormonal and weird so I thought I should pee on a stick. So I did and there was a second line. I could not believe it at first it was so faint. So tomorrow I am going to pee again. If it is positive I am going to see a doctor on Monday or Tuesday. Ouch!! What the hell is going on!

I just paid for my angel course!

angel healing and weight loss

My friend H is coming next week. I want to experiment to see if I can help her lose weight with my healing. It is going to be a lot of drawing for her and sending love to her whole body. Well, let's see.

I also did angel healing for the first time with H last week. It was absolutely fantastic! His physical pain has disappeared. I could feel that it was something related to his fear and he did not want to let go of his fear. But it went so well, I asked for help to conduct this healing, and give him the healing that he needs and I was guided all the way during the healing. I had no idea what I was going to do next but the effect was really really wonderful

what I asked for today

I went to this seminar talking to Angels. I thought we would learn healing with angels but it did not happen. Instead, I asked the angels for a baby and a family. I know they will deliver.

H is not liking his job in Germany so he is thinking of returning back here.

From my new friend, the Summer Butterfly

This is from my new friend, the summer butterfly who gave me guidance what I have to do to sell my apartment - which is ask the angels for help.

It is amazing that we discovered that I am a winter butterfly. that is why I see myself as a white butterfly and get so happy when I see the snow. The color white is somehow important to me. But here it is - my prayer to angels.

Thank you dear Angels to help me sell my apartment in Sluseholmen for 2.9 million, so that everyone is happy. I am very happy, H is very happy and the buyer is also very happy as it is the perfect apartment, with a great view and a very good investment for him. I am ready to let go of fears and worries about my finances. This apartment is gone from my life forever. Please, dear angels, help me with this and support me in my future. Help me live in the present time and alleviate all of my concerns about money and finances.

Well today I have an open house, and did a card reading on that. The card I pulled out, said Go For It. Let's see.

Butterflies

It is an amazing twist of fate as I met another butterfly on the internet through the angel course I enrolled into.

There are too many coincidences, this emailing has been a hair raising experience for me.

I see myself as a white butterfly flying from flower to flower collecting nectar.

Angel cards again

When I do my angel card reading, they do show that I will have a new partner and I keep getting this card saying "marriage".

In the meantime I need to find a healer to help me deal with lots of anger issues towards my father. This anger is suffocating me. I did not know about it until recently but thank God I got in touch with it during my healing session.

Previous post and other things

I just read my previous post and saw that I said that I will put this baby apartment for sale. Why did I say baby apartment? It is a typo but why did I use the word baby?

A few things: a woman contacted me with some questions because of my blog. I was so pleased that I could help her. I also felt it was a sign. I asked a question some time ago whether I can really help people. And this was a sign that I could. But something is blocking me, I am not able to start somehow. D. offered to help me look what is blocking me to start helping people for real. I did not ask her to do it, but I was asking myself why is it that I have stopped preparing for the launch of my own business. And here I was talking to D. about this block and she offered to help even though I did not ask her for help. We hated each other some time ago, but now I can see her beautiful spirit. When she offered to help I felt a bit strange because I did not ask her about it, but then I thought that this is a gift she is offering and I should accept her gift and be grateful. So next saturday we are going to chat.

I also feel that I need to do two things: one is change the message on the asnwering machine since H. moved out. Another one I should buy a healing bed. I am also having resistance to enroll in a psychotherapy class. I feel that I want some more alternative training. I feel that I should enroll in a clarvoyant class instead. I will try to find out about Maya F. course. I really liked her but do not know if she would accept me. I will more about this course. In the mean time, I am going to this angel healing course in 2 weeks. Let's see what comes out from there. I really want to communicate with angels and the divine and not with the spirits that passed on.

I also had some Q&A with myself while M. was sending me distant healing. All of a sudden in the last 10 mins of healing I felt that my 3rd eye really opened. I felt that I was super clarvoyant in those 10 minutes. I asked about H, whether we are going to stay together. All the answers to my questions were very clear, unlike normally the answers are a bit blurred. the answer was no. I asked when are we going to separate. The answer was soon. I asked why. The answer was that there would be someone else. I asked who would it be that would find someone else. The answer was that it would be me. I felt sad and asked if it is a good thing that we are separating. the answer I got was yes. I also spoke to M. about her experience of sending me distant healing. She said that when she touched my jaw, she had a feeling of love coming into my life. Love with a younger man. That there would be love on both sides. Maria I believe is a very good clarvoyant. Let us see what happens. I told her that H. is younger than me, but there is no love there any more.

In the meantime I really want to sell the apartment. I have been asking for divine help to help me do it every day.

angel cards

I am now into these angel oracle cards. It is amazing how accurate they are. I asked about my job and got a message that it is time to go. I asked about a baby and a card fell out of the deck entitled Child. I also asked today about our apartment situation - our tenant announced that she is moving out as of TODAY. The cards said that it was a perfect timing. Now I am going to put this baby apartment on the market and try to sell it.

I signed up for the ATP course

I signed up for the ATP course in Kona, HII after long deliberation. As soon as I sent them an email I felt a tingling sensation all over my body. Amazing!

and so he left

And so he left. We drove to Germany last Friday and I flew back this morning. That's it. He is gone.
Where did our love go? What happened to it? I think it got killed among all the casual aspects of living together combined with infertility. He also told me that he doesn't want to have a DE child. With the relationship not moving forward (but rather moving backward) what should I do? What should I do? Where is the progress? All I can see is that we cannot live together. Our habits are not compatible and we do not have the same goals in life.

Well, let's see. He is back in two weeks. We will chat.