Descent into Somewhere

not a good day

2012-01-09T19:54:00.002+01:00

oy, not a good day today! feeling sad today, only feel blessed when i look at the face of my little angel. she is such a blessing. but my social life is zero. and how the hell am i going to start dating someone? what about my professional life?so many unanswered questions at the moment.

felt sad today. realized that being a single mother and being on my own makes me sad.

got these 3 cards today

2011-08-23T18:45:00.002+02:00

asked about waht i need to know at the moment.
1 mystique keep charging ahead and dont take no for an answer. Expect miraculous solutions to appear
2. vanessa to make your decision, ask yourself which way brings me closer to my divine purpose? which way takes me away from it?
3, chantall - new romance is imminent - either with a newcomer, or thru reignited passion in your existing relationship. be open to giving and receiving love.

more channeling from T

2011-08-18T20:45:00.003+02:00

Got more channeling from T - lost the piece of paper but the point was once my daughter is born, everything else will come at the same time - a man, my husband, and the job,all together. She said i will be surprized how easy and effortlessly it will fall into my lap.

explorations about becoming a mother

2011-08-11T19:49:00.002+02:00

1. what really scares me about becoming a mother?
Losing my sexuality, not being/feeling attractive
Losing my body
not being affectionate enough, holding back affection
¨
2. what could be my biggest strength as a mother?
being intuitive to know what she wants
strict
disciplined

what could be my biggest challenge?
being messy
being too strict with her
forgetting that she needs to have fun and not spend all her time studying.

what do i love about my life now that i dont want to give up after she is born?
being myself, following my passions and interests - ie tango
being able to date men, having sex, having fun

what in my life could i giveup? what do I want to change?
Spend less time on internet, facebook, emails, etc.
spend less time being involved in other ppl's lives
want to be more organized

what ppl do i want to include during the first year?
H's mom, my mom, my divine partner, his family
Do? H? Maria.

what parts of my parents¨ parenting style i d like to keep
Instill ambitions, discipline, having meaningful conversations

what am i afraid to pass upon the child from my own childhood?
Negativity, being limited, feeling unloved, notvalued, not important, feeling alone, isolated, being discriminated against, losing my temper

how do i expect my relationships to change after she is born?
With mom- better undestanding of her point of view, more appreciation of her
with friends - losing some of them as i simply wont have the time nor do i do want to solve other ppl's problems anymore. so i need to find a new way to relate to ppl
i expect that i will have stronger boundaries

what has changed just by being pregnant?
more emotional, do not hold on to my anger, i express it more freely.
already let go or letting go of some ppl.
became more intuitive
have connected to a very strong feeling of love, like nothing i experienced before.

manifesting divine partner

2011-08-11T10:27:00.002+02:00

Post has been removed. Am adding more details, do not want to have different lists.

chanelling I got - around feb or march 2011

2011-08-02T18:23:00.002+02:00

Got this channelling from T. You did big work with yourself. Came a long way. Look at yourself now vs. 2 yrs ago. A lot of development happened on the very deep level. I was thru difficult times - it gave me strength and inner peace.

You can get worried but come much faster to your core. We are very satisfied with this. Be proud of yourself.

There are angels around you that help you and spread love. Expect the best for yourself and your little baby.Let yourself feel the happiness due to the child you have wainted for a long time. Now you are ready. ready on all fronts. You will develop yourself even more with the child - you will get so much joy.

The most important thing is inner peace. Peace in your mind. Feel enjoyment. Take in life. Surrender to the situation.
Try to be in joy. the practical things will resolve themselves. Ordner til dit barns bedste. THings will resolve themselves in the besst way. Your energy should be joy, abundance and warm feelings. In in the joy you are in right now.

asked about my personal life and got these 3 cards

2011-07-12T11:00:00.003+02:00

1. AA michael - i am with you giving you the courage to make life changes that will help you work on your divine life purpose. I take it that it happened in the past
2. Raye - yoga and exercise are essential to your well being, peace of mind and spiritual growth right now. This is about the present. I totally buy it. this is the answer to the question whether i should exercise or not, feeling very tired
3. Celeste - A happy move to a new home or place of employment is in the works. This movement will usher in positive new energy. Let's see. Fingers crossed.

A few days ago asked about my employment situation and got the answer The angel of marriage is helping you right now

meeting with Lou today

2011-07-08T00:01:00.002+02:00

a few things - he is not a bad person, just making mistakes. about how the relationshp prepared her for her hubby. how and why she tolerated being treated less than what she deserved.
babies
her labor experience
Will update later, just do not want to forget what we have discussed

more tango

2011-06-28T13:06:00.001+02:00

someone up there really wants me to dance tango. Found a partner for another tango class offered by teachers from buenos aires. So cool!

feeling sad today

2011-06-22T19:05:00.003+02:00

feel sad today. will drop any hopes for a meeting with V. hoping to meet him and talk about the situation is making me upset and i dont feel much is going to resolve after we talk. so feel i need to mail his book to him and that will be it. Not even friends. that is a shame. I liked him so much! but he dropped me as a person and as a friend and that is what hurts me now. Somehow i need to get closure myself and move on.

I know that this is what God wanted and some time from now I will be grateful for this experience but now i am struggling to find the meaning of it. When I asked what his purpose was in my life, I get an answer that he opened my heart (which is true, I really opened up my heart to him) and that allowed me to get pregnant. So something to be grateful for.

when it rains, it pours

2011-06-22T19:02:00.002+02:00

OK, had a good meeting with the ppl from NY. Let's see if they are interested in me, then i should hear from them next week. I am interested in the position, assuming it will hold true, but do not want to move to the states (NY). Not even temporarily. Do not feel like doing it with a tiny baby.

At the same time i am flying to CH next week for an interview and have another interview on the phone this week. Let's see what happens.
had an interview monday for a job in Lndn, but it wont go further.
No word re the project though, so maybe i was not meant to do it after all.

Oh la la part 2

2011-06-16T21:13:00.002+02:00

Had another job interview for a job in CH. Went well. Next step is to go there to meet ppl which will happen in the next 2 weeks. Let's see. Now need to pray that i get my permit to reenter in time for this visit; otherwise am not allowed to return to the country where I am currently living.

oh la la

2011-06-15T23:36:00.001+02:00

Ok had an interview today. The company is in NYC but there is an opportunity to stay in Europe. The main guy will be visiting here next week, so we will meet and talk. I am interested in salaries, etc. Let's see.

What I want to manifest in 2012

2011-06-15T09:15:00.000+02:00

• Meeting my divine partner who is also my husband
• Harmonious relationships at home with A and my husband
• Total harmony, things flowing
• My home being a paradise, a fantastic place where my heart and soul relax
• Having a great view from my window – view of water
• Feeling love in my heart
• Living from my heart all the time
• Being completely happy
• Loving and receiving love
• Being able to share my affections with my daughter and my mother
• Having a job that allows me to have good balance in my life
• Having a job that brings me closer to my mission
• Being able to support myself to bring enough money to enjoy my lifestyle
• Going to Argentina to learn to dance tango and having my partner’s full support
• Losing the fears I have
• Being /feeling confident
• Having a dog
• Feeling beautiful and enjoying my beautiful face and my beautiful body
• Being surrounded by lots of good friends and support system
• Having great relationship with my future in-laws
• Apartment situation with H being resolved in a mutually satisfactory way
• Having also a deep tantric relationship with my partner/husband
• Being able to spend quality time together and enjoying each other emotionally, physically, sexually despite having a little baby
Opening my heart to him completely and him opening his heart to me completely
• Having good relationship with H and his family
• Exciting vacations together, with and without A.
• Having good, cordial and friendly relationship with A’s father.
• Perfect health for me, my mom, my baby and everyone close to me.

What I want to manifest for remainder of 2011

2011-06-15T08:42:00.002+02:00

• Easy remainder of my pregnancy
• The rest of my pregnancy being enjoyable
• Easy ecstatic birth
• Easy delivery
• Healthy baby girl
• The project for my consultancy going well and bringing lots of money in
• Satisfied clients and me being happy working with them
• Enjoying my work
• Manifesting the right kind of help for me after A. arrives into my life
• So that I felt I still have the freedom I want to have
• Easy access to human breast milk and ability to buy it inexpensively
• Being a good mother
• Spending quality time with my child
• Have a very strong intuition and listening to it in every aspect of my life
• Having a lover with whom I can have a meaningful relationship and have fantastic sex who would take me out and take care of me, whom I really like and care about
• Having lots of supportive friends in my life
• Finding a job that brings meaning to my life
• Moving to a new country that is right for me where I feel it is our home
• Moving to a new country where people speak foreign languages so that my baby could learn to speak foreign languages
• Learning to dance tango well
• Keep enjoying dancing tango and progressing fast
• Having a reliable tango partner
• I want a lot of money coming in to support the life style I want to have
• A’s dad being involved in her life
• Having a good and adult and respectful relationship with my mother
• Becoming more organized
• Having order in my living space
• Feeling very beautiful and glowing
• Feeling that I have a perfect body
• Having perfect health and my dense hair growing back and staying there
• Having lots of help when A arrives
• My baby being perfectly healthy and happy and quiet
• Being able to get enough sleep after she arrives
• Feeling that my life is now starting (no longer in a holding pattern)
• Keeping my excitement up about tango
• Being able to dancing tango until my delivery
- Feeling hot and sexy despite having a stomach
- Losing baby fat SUPER fast in a healthy way
- Getting rock hard abs after she is born

letter to my ex-lover/ex-friend

2011-06-14T18:04:00.002+02:00

Dear V

I wanted to write you this letter, but will not send it to you. It is too private and I do not feel I should open up to you any more. Instead, I need to close down my heart to you which I am in the process of.

I felt and feel very hurt by what happened. I felt that you made this decision not to be lovers with me, but you kept it from me for a month. This misled me. I also asked you a couple of times about that, but you denied it. Why did you deny it? You kept me hanging for an extra month.
Then you completely disappeared from my life, even as a friend. You dumped me as a person which I find so hurtful. I am completely fine with not being lovers, but being dumped as a person or as a friend is something that is difficult for me to take. I need healing from it. It highlighted the issue I have with this which I want to look into closer.

I also am very upset that you were avoiding me without telling me that you do not want to see me. That really really upset me. I do not want to be with people who want to avoid me. I do not even want to contact such people. I only want to be with people who want to spend time with me. You should have told me. I kept contacting you because I missed you and wanted to see you.

I feel sad, I miss you. I missed you this morning, I cried. I miss your presence in my life. But I need to let you go as a lover for sure and as a friend and even possibly as an acquaintance because of the way you ended this, without any closure, without an explanation. As if all we had was a one night stand and not a close relationship we did have. I need to let you go and I will.

Thank you for all the lessons you have taught me – if a man lies to a very important person in his life, what makes me feel that I am any different? Trust in a person is essential. I can see that now even more than before. I also learned to trust my intuition because it is always right even when I do not really want to listen to it. My intuition was telling me to leave you alone and stop contacting you and actually start seeing other guys, but I did not listen.

I also learned that I am a very good person, very affectionate, very open minded and will make a very good supportive partner or a wife. All I need to do is stand my ground a bit more and express what I want more.

And now, thank you and good-bye.

what i am feeling grateful for regarding my V, my ex-lover

2011-06-14T17:46:00.003+02:00

Grateful that i felt i opened my heart to him, that i felt i could get involved with someone again, that I am ready
grateful for the good times we shared
grateful for amazing sex we had
grateful for the closeness and intimacy we had at some point
grateful that he listened to my advice, it made me feel valued
grateful for the fucking hot experience we had at a swinger's club
grateful for his support and help when i had problems with visa and when my mother disappeared
grateful for his advice and involvement in my life
grateful for his friendship while it lasted
Grateful for the experience teaching me AGAIN to fully trust my intuition
grateful for the experience teaching me that i should only get involved with single men who are emotionally available to me
Important learnings are that i really need to trust my intuition - very happy about that and grateful that my intuition is so strong and that I could clearly feel I am ready to get involved with someone seriously, so when I am really ready, the person will appear.

need to recite what i am feeling grateful for today

2011-06-14T17:39:00.002+02:00

OK, have been feeling very sad because of my ex-lover and cried in the morning. So want to count my blessings and recount what I am grateful for in general and in my interactions with him.

In general, I am grateful for
being pregnant after years of infertility
my pregnancy being so easy and smooth (knock on wood!)
living in a gorgegous place where i live
having a fantastic view from my apt
happy to have good friends around me
grateful for my mother's support emotional and financial
grateful that i have not been working and was able to focus on being pregnant and on myself
grateful i had savings and could sustain myself
grateful i discovered tango and how happy it makes me feel
grateful i met J my baby's father who gave me the biggest gift a man can give to a woman
grateful to be able to be in a very good shape and take care of myself
grateful that i feel sexy and attractive
grateful for my perseverence and attitude towards life. I never give up
grateful for my growing intuition and my strong connection with my body
grateful for the life i managed to create for myself in this foreign country
grateful that i discovered taoist practices and that i do this tao practice every day
grateful that tango makes me feel so happy.
grateful for my health
grateful for the information i receive from my guides
grateful it is sunshine outside now - it has been a loooooong winter. :)

letter

2011-06-13T15:03:00.003+02:00

OK, I need to write a letter (that i will not send) to my ex-lover/ex-friend. I will post it here maybe.
Also need to write down what i want to manifest in my life this year and next year. will post here as well.

hmmm

2011-06-10T20:43:00.003+02:00

On wednesday i felt attracted to my tango partner. WTF? I did not find him attractive before, but wednesday he was so happy, was beaming. What I like about him is that he seems to be so much into tango. He is just as crazy about it as I am. Look forward to dancing with him next week!!! But how do I contain my attraction to him? Also he does not know I am pregnant. I can still hide it under my clothes.

And have sort of like a date next sunday with a guy from Germany. That will be interesting. But for now look forward to the tango filled weekend - 6 hrs tomorrow, Sat and 3 hours on Sunday. Going to tango ball Saturday hope to get good practice there too and dance with many experienced men so that I can learn from them.

To me, tango is like sex. But in sex I can express myself quite well, but in tango I feel I do not know how to express myself yet, but hopefully this will be helped a bit tomorrow at my workshop.

tango dancing

2011-06-05T12:44:00.001+02:00

spent more than a week dancing tango. That was fucking fantastic!!!

have been "progressed" into the future

2011-05-28T10:55:00.002+02:00

Last year (2010) my coach "progressed" me as opposed to regressed me into the future. This is what I saw. When I am 40,5, 42 and 43, I saw myself with a man in an apartment. The surroundings outside were snow -covered streets. it was in the suburbs somewhere and the place reminded me of Germany but I do not know where it is.

When I was 46 - there was a little girl that was my own daughter. I am living in the house, nice cozy house. There is a man in the house and I was sure that this little girl was mine. not from a donor egg but from my own egg. Her hair is exactly like mine but lighter (her father has lighter hair so it makes sense). She is so gentle and so pure and we have such a strong heart-to-heart connection! That encouraged my belief that I can have my own biological child but of course, I had doubts.

There was snow outside the house.

When I am 50 yo I reach a place where I feel a lot of harmony and happiness inside me. I am working for myself, connecting children with their parents (not sure if it is adoption or something else that brings mothers /parents who cannot or could not have babies together with their babies. I saw myself as a "blue fairy" that grants people their most sacred wish - that of motherhood or parenthood. Already start feeling tears in my eyes as I write about this.

Ok from this regression showed me that I will be in a country with snow. I have a job in a big office. A big international corporation. Huge building. Blue fairy is gifted at making the right match between mothers and children. She (I) make women mothers and grant their most sacred wish. Not sure if this is a company I open that deals with adoptions or organization that deals with children or products for children. I have no idea. But let's see.

My sweet little soulmate child is on her way to me. Now need to find a job to support her and a man who will be her father. Needs to be the right father for her. I am in a fortunate position where I can select her father.

I am tired of my lover's mysteries

2011-05-28T10:51:00.002+02:00

I am sick and tired of my lover's mysteries. I feel I need to end the way things are. Tomorrow we are going to meet and talk and I will tell him how I feel. I do not want to hang in in this uncertainty, not knowing what is going on. I will focus on the positives and will find out what he wants to do and take it from there.

what's happening with me and my lover

2011-05-25T20:25:00.003+02:00

OK what is happening with me and my lover who is also my friend? He became non-responsive without telling me that he does not want to be with me anymore. I asked him when i am going to see him - no response. Sent him a link with a movie I want to see - no response. Did he meet someone else? Is he tired of me?

My guides told me not to jump to conclusions and it is not what I think. His purpose in my life is not over. he is a great friend in the time of need. I asked if we are going to have a sexual relationship and the answer was yes, for the time being. So where is this damn sex? I am pregnant and I need it. And want to feel close to him, smell him, touch him. OK, the 6 healing sounds practice is really helping me to calm down, so I will let it go and stop contacting him for now. He has some emergency stuff at work until the first week of June. I will wait until then and see what happens.

Angel reading from my friend Z.

2011-05-25T20:07:00.006+02:00

Z. came a couple of weeks ago to give me angel readings.
The first question I asked was about my divine partner. I think it was whether I will meet him or not? I can't remember.

OK. the first card she got was AA Michael "You can do it" The interpretatiion of it was find the blessings in your current situation. For me it means using hypnosis to be happy.
View yourself through the eyes of the person u'd like to meet and get to know ??? cant understand now what it says.
I need to clear and shield my energy in my living space.

The first part was what I should pay attention to -To stay focused, not get distracted and be happy.
What is blocking - Energy healing- avoid situations with negative energy.
Positive outcome - balance career and home life - this is a must for me now, since my baby is coming.

Extra card - Teacher the time is coming that I give knowledge to others.

OK but this reassured me that my divine partner is coming. That was very clear.

The next question I asked was what should I do in my life professionally.
1. You are seeing the situation accurately - Horus. I need to pay attention to old Egyptian wisdom.

2. Father, hysand, brother, son - Osiris, let go of all the old hurt in connection with men in your life - I hold a lot of anger from old time, and need to let it go.

Update 25.5.11 Strangely enough I have been doing tao practice called 6 healing sounds where you release anger among other things, and this anger is stored in the liver.

3. Follow your heart - St. Francis. Trust yourself, trust in the situation. The universe will ensure that my needs are met. Yes, this is what I need to hear now. I also got this message that I am safe and protected, no harm can come to me. Just want I need, given the situation of me not having a job.

Next question.
I asked what I should do/keep in mind to be a better mother
1. Wise decision - guardian angel -trust in your inner wisdom. You cannot make the wrong decision. Trust you make the right decisions and that your decisions are wise. Do not let anything distract you from your decisions.

Holding wisdom in my arms - I am divine mother holding an owl in my arms - close to my heart. Let go of how I used to make decisions in the past. Follow my heart, be your own boss, do not be afraid.

2. You found it - St. Anthony of Padua. I found something I lost, pay attention if I feel I lost myself or lost something else - need to know if I found it already. Keep faith that I found or will soon find what I was looking for. This situation is what I was looking for. Call AA Chamuel if I lose something. Can't lose my way as long as I am connected to my heart.
Keep faith and confidence in myself. Pause if feel somebody dragging me in the wrong direction. Do not let people distract me from my path.

Pause - look inside myself and connect with myself if too tired. Will know which ppl to ask for help or advice and which ppl not to ask for advice. Need to be patient. Have to get to core to things when u make decisions - can only do it when in harmony. Hold on to your heart and your core.

Stay focused on your inner truth when you get a child. Important to relax and catch a breath before you move on in whateer matter - will be a success story.

3. Pause - guardian angel, beautiful woman, color, state of mind. Taking a break to take care of myself, my inner peace and my well being.

More about H and my baby - something i found that i wrote more than 2 years ago

2011-05-25T11:18:00.002+02:00

I wrote this more than 2 years ago, some time in 2009 I think before I left H.
I hate loose pieces of papers, that is why I have to transcribe it here.

This is what it says. "My love life is non-existent. I long for a partner who is there emotionally or physically (and H was not). I stay in relationship that needs to end, and it makes me sick and depressed.

I want a partner who will encourage me to pursue my divie purpose. Who will be happy when I'm happy. I want to be in a flow with him together. The 2 of us flowing far away, the synergies ever before imagined.

Next steps - I need to leave H, as the relationship ran its course. Going to Russia where you meet your destiny.

What is my heart's desire? To have a child, to have my baby girl holding me and me holding her.

Update 25.5.11 As I am writing this, I have tears i my eyes. Yesterday I tried to talk to my baby to tell her how much I love her, but got chocked up in emotions. Had a dream last night about holding my baby and kissing her, and I could not get enough of that or feeling my face and lips against her skin. So overwhelming. Have tears in my eyes now as I type this.

What steps should I take to make it reality?
Leave H, he is stopping you from being reunited with your daughter.

What is blocking me from getting this now? H. Your relationship is over. He is not the right father for the child.

Update 25.5.11 I completely forgot I wrote this and just found it now and had goosebumps as I read it. I saw H last week and kept thinking that he would not be the right father for my child. And also talked to my mother about this 2 weeks ago.

being kicked out of the country

2011-04-20T14:50:00.002+02:00

i was told today that i have until 20 may to leave this fucking paradise. what a sucky timing! Right now the only place where I can go to is home to the states, but i do not want to go there. I hope the job in europe will manifest itself. keeping fingers crossed! IN the states I have no health insurance and here in Europe I do.
For now I am appealing but i would not be surprized if my appeal would be rejected.

what I want to manifest in 2011

2011-03-29T08:43:00.002+02:00

Feeling beautiful, gorgeous, loved, cared for COnfidence with job, interviews, men Increased feeling of self- worth Loving caring and respectful relationship wiht my mom Continued perfect healt Beautiful dense hair Feeling happy all the time no matter what happens to me Being in a relationship with my divine partner Having full control over what I eat A family Being slim and having a perfect body A job that's perfect for me leading me closer to my mission A perfect job for me at the moment Abundance, financial abundance Lavish lifestyle Love, lots of it Lots of self-love Lots of great sex and intimacy Living in a city where I love to live Living in an apartment or a house that I love My place being a paradise Being organized, clean, having things in order in my living space A dog A child

From my inner lingam - Workshop Yoniversal Wisdom 2

2011-03-27T10:49:00.002+02:00

1. Listen to yourself 2. Cherish yourself 3. Pas på who you let into your yoni 4. CHerish your yoni, it is sacred 5. You are a sacred temple, and need to be treated as such 6. Be blessed, be cherished, be worshipped 7. Say no. Learn to set boundaries. 8 Your yoni has been disrespected. 9. Nurse its wounds. Heal it. 10. Do it with an open heart. Be vulnerable 11. Only let men in who do it out of love 12. Let love be your guiding force 13. Get in touch with your power, your feminine power 14. Be careful which dick you let in and whom you fuck. Only do it out of love. 15. Be yourself always, be authentic, be honest 16. Sex will connect you with universal love, that is its purpose 17. Creating connection between hearts, and minds of 2 lovers, bringing you closer to God. 18 Find a tantra partner 19. Continue on your tantric path 20. Let love show you the way. 21 Strive to be closer to God, for you are a goddess 22. Only sacred sex for you 23 Love and respect for your yoni. Touch it more. Give it pleasure. It earns to be loved. When your heart is open, your yoni is open. Love will heal you. Words: sacred, holy, sacred sex, love your yoni, love sacred sex

what my yoni told me - from the Yoniversal Wisdom workshop

2011-03-27T10:39:00.002+02:00

You are worthy, you are a Goddess in the making. Love yourself. It is the journey and not the destination. You have a long journey ahead of you. Get in touch with your power, your feminine power. Use your inner wisdom. Purify yourself. You are safe and divinely protected. No harm can come to you. Take more risks in your life. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable. Show your vulnerability. It will pay off. I love you, do not be afraid to be you, to be who you really are. Use your power, your femininity. Be a woman you really are. You are the sun. Comfort yourself for soon you'll nurture another. Words: Beauty, you are beautiful, you are loved. Love passion, vulnerability, POWER, wisdom. Cherish yourself. Pictures: Third eye that is crying because I do not always listen. Heart, sun, moon, yoni enveloping me with a word saying "safe"

well what doya know, I am pregnant

2011-03-19T02:44:00.003+01:00

OK, big news- I am pregnant. 11w 5d today. Saw my baby on the ultrasound today, it or should I say she (I think it is a girl) was moving a lot, and I was so overwhelmed I was crying. now the baby is becoming very real, before it was hard to believe it, but now i had these thoughts what the fuck am I going to do now?!

what am I grateful for today

2010-03-07T21:48:00.002+01:00

I am grateful because the spring is coming. It feels WONDERFUL. I have discovered my new passion - cooking. I cannot stop cooking. This is really really great.
The thing with BG is going thru so that H and I can separate. My friends came for dinner, very grateful that I had company and could take care of them. Was grateful for an insightful seminar this weekend.
I am grateful because I m anticipating that tomorrow I will be cooking again. IT is wonderful. I am grateful because the sun shone today and yesterday and it was fantastic. I am grateful because I did my detox today and did not eat anything. I could do it! I had the will power. My trip to the UK is coming up and I am really looking forward to that.

my 10 reasons why I am grateful for leaving H

2010-03-07T21:44:00.002+01:00

Why am I grateful for leaving H
1. I learned that being with him was making me ill. I was getting so sick and now have a chance to recover.
2. I am feeling at a much higher vibrational level than I was when I was with him
3. I am much much happier without him so much I cannot now understand why I spent such a long time with him.
4. I am free and can decide how to live my life
5. I can decide where I am going to live. SO I can pick the place that really resonates with the real me.
6. I don't need to ask him for advice. Much of his advice was not useful and was fear based not love based
7. This has given me courage to follow my heart in other decisions. I can see that I left him and I am ok.
8. My life is more exciting now, more vibrant after I left him
9. I am rediscovering myself, who I am.
10 I have a real chance at love, meeting a man whose heart open to me, my divine partner.
11 I have a real chance at having a family, it was not meant to be for us to have a family.

what am I grateful for today?

2010-02-17T23:42:00.002+01:00

Am grateful for today as I had a fantastic day. Had a nice visit by my colleagues, the food turned out great, it was a very cozy evening.
Grateful today, had a nice walk and also had plenty of sleep last night. I rule!!! Grateful that I am here by myself without my roommate. It is so nice!!!

my colleagues visit today

2010-02-17T23:39:00.002+01:00

Today my colleagues came to have dinner with me. I cooked and cooked. I put so much love into my cooking. Was so happy they came. I made a fantastic bresaola salad with ruccola and parmegan cheese. The main course was chicken with oranges and apricots and for desert I made creme brulee. It was fantastic!!!
I was so happy and happy I could cook for them and give them some warmth and niceness.

They liked the food and asked me for the recipees of the main course.

what am i grateful for today?

2010-02-15T21:36:00.002+01:00

I am grateful that i had a nice day, went to the sauna today grateful to be alone in my apartment. Thank you, God.
Grateful for all my clients. Sending them healing green light. Grateful that there are plenty of jobs out there. Grateful that i am getting better and better every day. Grateful I decided what I am going to cook for my colleauges. This is nice. I feel so warm and cozy about that. Grateful that I don't have to work for 4 days. It is so nice!

grateful that my white angel bear, Putin, is watching over me. Grateful to be surrounded by so many men. Grateful i found a partner for my tantra class on 1 March. Yey!!! Grateful for all these opportunities I have here, grateful that tomorrow I am starting Chi Gong. Grateful I understood that my lifestyle was wrong and I can correct it. From now on, the only thing that matters in my life is my mission and love.
Grateful that people i dont need are leaving my life or have left or will leave very soon.

winter swimming

2010-02-15T21:33:00.003+01:00

went winterswimming with 2 friends yesterday. Felt amazing, the sea was 0 degrees. But today do not feel so good. I think i overdid it. I planned to go winter swimming every day but i can see it is not a good idea.
today feel weak, moody and depressed and loosing more hair.
This is the thing - when I get moody, I eat more. Then the hair starts falling out. I am sure there is something hormonal going on or maybe not? Or maybe the hair is falling out because i eat more??? the thing is i did not meditate this morning - so see the results immediately.

today i felt a bit apathetic, but managed to get books in the library about cooking.

future

2010-02-13T22:43:00.002+01:00

somehow even though I am almost unemployed, I do not feel I need to do anything until mid-March. In mid-march something will turn up that could turn out to be something.
it is a bit strange but i feel like my new job or role is in the making right now. something is cooking.
but now i need to use this time to heal myself.

gratitude

2010-02-13T22:30:00.002+01:00

what am I grateful for today?
I am grateful that I had a very nice and quiet day. I had lots of´food that i love - NUTS, which i really enjoyed. I went to the spa, enjoyed the sauna. Enjoyed 3 hours of sleep. that was very refreshing.
I am grateful to have been of service to 2 people today to whom I channelled messages. One of them just sent me a BIG thank you. I am grateful that she appreciated what I had to say and took my advice to heart. I am grateful that tomorrow i am going to do winter swimming. Greateful for my home being so beautiful and so peaceful. Grateful that it is clean. I am grateful that I dont have money concerns or fears related to money even though I quit my job. I am grateful because I know that they (the Spirit) is supporting me.
I am also grateful for the reading I received today regarding my career. So grateful. Moved me to tears.
"Children and guiding children seems to be a service you are gifted in. I see you assisting children who cross over and communicate with their loved ones here. Children trust you so much. I feel like you work with children at night in your sleep too.

I see your spirit guides and deceased love ones around you now; very strongly and many. It seems like your communication with them flows easily and strongly and they are doing everything possible to assist you in preparing for your future. They are preparing ahead of you before your get to the new place you are going to go, so that it is an easy transition for you. This will be a smooth transition. They are lining up a place to live and opportunities that would allow you to set up shop if you will. You will wonder how all these miracles occurred. Trust that it was those on the other side that are doing so much work for you. You have like a huge entourage. You are like a celebrity with all of these assistants making sure that when you arrive everything is in order for you. Wow there is not way you could ever feel alone. It's like a big group hug.

So not to worry because the next place you go is divinely guided. It is not a coincidence you are making this move. It is perfect and it will be better for you. A new world is opening up for you. Your vibration too has changed and this new place will support this much more.Don't worry is the next message. Open your arms to heaven a receive the blessings coming to you. Although, these changes seems a little scary know what you are more then well cared for."

I loved this!
Grateful to have had the time for myself today, grateful that i am feeling better and better every day.

diet

2010-02-13T22:24:00.003+01:00

my impression is that when I overeat, my hairloss increases. that would make sense. that would block my spleen meridian which is also somehow connected with teh liver meridian which is connected to the hair loss.
i also stopped doing inner smile meditation. but i do do iron shirt. Have not been at work yesterday, will rest for 5 days straight. will see how the hair thing goes. tomorrow going to do winter swimming. I think it helps me too.
I got a strong message that my hair loss will stop very soon. i am also being guided to do liquid diet for 5 days. Starting Monday I will do it. I just need to buy a juicer.
i also exercised today which was only 10 min on precor. It did not go well with my body. after 6 min, i did not feel well so had to decrease the intensity but still was not good. I barely made it to 10 min. but i also was not in a good mood today. i don't know if the mood comes by itself or affected by changing hormones. I did not have hot flashes for several days. I am happy about that.
yesterday (last night) i also did not do my breathing and today, more hair fell out.
however my sleep has been relatively oK. i do wake up but can go back to sleep. I think that the sleep is related to stress and the neurotransmitters are involved somehow. I just cannot get the relationship yet.

itch

2010-02-02T18:26:00.001+01:00

i noticed that when I eat soups and vegetables, the itching is less, so I need to go with it. Now I am also trying the alkaline diet. Let's see.

my inner journey -and my book of shadows

2010-02-02T18:11:00.003+01:00

This will recount my inner journey I experienced when I met with O.d.B in LA.

I had to take dep breaths while she rattled around me. Then she guided me for a walk in the forest -> then I got to a cave.

A guide met me at the entrance of the cave. He looked like Chirstopher Lee in the Lord of the Ring movies, with white long hair and long beard. He was wearing white robe, with gold ornaments. He also had a long "hat" that had a cylindrical shape, but I am not sure if it was round around the edges or not. The hat was also white.

He took me to the first room which I heard was a room of the womb (but was supposed to be a room of my wounds, so I did not hear it correctly). The room was completely white, with some bareliyef in front. There was also en empty chair it the room.

I received the message that they are preparing me to be an angel, something about me bieng in the angelic realm. That scared me a little that I was going to die soon.

Next room was my gift, where my gift was. I walked in and saw a big statue of a man reading a book. He looked very strict. Then in this room my guide gave me this beautiful book - red velvet with stones and a pen (like they used to use in the old days, ink pen).

The book was empty. I took it that I am supposed to fill it up with stuff. Do not know what it was for or was it a journal?

Next room was a room of grace. I saw this transluscent being that looked sort of like a heart, but with wings. It wanted to hug me with its wings, but I was afraid, so it did not hug me.

Then the next room was a room with my contract - the contract was with H. It looked like put together piece of paper inside 2 leather holders. It said to me that the contract was with H and I need to destroy it as my purpose with him was over. I threw it into the fire inside a fireplace and it burned.

Then on my way back I met a new guide, panda bear, but had a hard time holding on to him. On the boat, all I had with me was the book with a pen.

I did not know what the book was for, so O. tried to help me figure out the purpose of the book. First I saw my guide telling me, start writing, you are ready. Then when O. blew air into my navel, and moved away, I cleared heard. "The book of Shadows". So here it is. It was an incredible experience and after this I knew I was a witch who was ready for being who she is.

what am I grateful for today?

2010-01-26T22:12:00.002+01:00

I am grateful for many things today
Had a fantastic day working from home
The weather was great - sunshine and frost
Beautiful view from my window - love it
Love this apartment!!
Got paid today
Will get payment for 3 months and will not have to work
Feel that my friends love me and care about me
Got some advice what I should do to heal myself
my health is getting better
Enjoyed my trip to the spa today
Channelled that I am almost ready to be a mother. My child/children are coming a girl and a boy.
IT is slow at work today, so don't have to strain myself
The work is paying for my therapy
The insurance is paying for my acupuncure
I have an abundant frame of mind
Have been in a fantastic mood
Love the cards I got - soul destiny cards
Am very happy about my upcoming cooking class.
Life is good!!!

amazing

2010-01-26T21:49:00.002+01:00

I am quite amazed about the message that I am almost ready to be a mother. Amazed. I also know it. i know that it is coming. But who is the father? what should i do to manifest it fully? so many questions...

I need to go to the church and ask there. perhaps tomorrow...
I need to get guidance on the job - which I quit. what do I do now? Am I crazy for listening to my guidance??? What I am doing is so weird, and yet I trust my guidance.

I also felt that something is about to happen and I should not make any plans until something happens. And it will happen soon. I asked what will happen and saw a picture of death. I asked who is going to die, I saw a picture of H's granny. But what does it have to do with me?
I talked to him today, he confirmed that the granny is not doing well and his mother asked him to come spend some days with her.

Let's see.

By the way, what I predicted about him and the package, came into being. He got the package. I said he would get 7 months, he got 8.

Got this message today

2010-01-26T21:39:00.002+01:00

I got this message today from these wonderful cards I got. However before I write about that, I noticed that the better my mood is, the more things I get and the better my manifestation techniques get.
For example, in LA I was so miserable before new year's, so not so much happened, then went to tantra which made me feel so good, and just now found my gratitude post. After 3 January, things really started happening /manifesting with super cosmic speed. So the key is to keep myself in a good mood, keep my head above the depression/anxiety/bad mood mode.

Now to the message
The question was about the situation and next steps re H/possible relationship
1. The first card reflects the situation as it is now.
#34
You are angry my child. You are furious. Your fury consumes you: The heat has gone to your heart and your mind. All you can think about is your eggs, your baby, your unsuccessful pregnancy. What you think about is the good, what you forget about is the bad. You haven't seen eye to eye fora long time. Not connecting, yelling at each other, not hearing each other, closing to each other's dreams.
Your blood is boiling, your a full of steam, release it, release it!

2. About what I should do, next steps so to speak, #9.

Heal yourself, use reiki. Use green light. Use the cards. Visualize yourself as a mother. You are mother of 2 beautiful children. You love them, they love you. Visualize yourself as a mother of a little girl and a little boy. They love you so much. Deep within there is an eternal flame of love. The flame that never goes out. Nobody can extinguish it. Cherish this flame, protect it, shelter it for it is your heart that needs protection. Carry your heart, shield it, protect it from bad influences. What you need is to speak your truth. Always, in all circumstances. The children are coming. You are almost ready to be a mother.

3. The outcome #11

You will be happy my child. In the abyss of bliss. Smiles, happiness, love, fireworks in the bedroom - tantric sex. Tantra, out of body experience, connection of the souls, connection of the hearts and minds. Love, light surrounds you. You are in the flow.

gratitude journal

2010-01-03T21:39:00.003+01:00

It is essential that I start the gratitude journal. What am I grateful for?
Being able to come to lala land on holidays for 5 weeks. It is amazing. Not paying anything for my accommodations, being taken care of and pampered here by my mother. Having my own bed to sleep in and my own room.
I am grateful for my health being better, for finding a healer who can help me. Grateful for friends who care about me and miss me back at home.
having the time to dance, rollerblade, read, discover myself and for trying tantra. That was amazing. Learning all of these things that will help me in my next relationship.
meeting J.N. here as he helped me to brainstorm things with myself about what i want to do.
Having fantastic partners at my tantra class.
Learning wisdom and insights from the books I a reading now. being inspired to quit my job. It is a good thing for me.
Grateful that i am being lead by God to my next step and to my perfect man and perfect health. Grateful that my faith has been strengthened. Grateful that there are plenty of things I can do here for free.

Grateful for eating delicious hot food every day. thank you.
Grateful for my clients contacting me so I can help this woman and her husband have a baby. I am so grateful!!!! I am sending them lots of love.

THe dance exc

2010-01-01T01:45:00.002+01:00

Relax. Close your eyes.

Recall the first songs you heard as a child. Being to sing them in your thoughts. Little by little, let a certain part of your body - your feet, your stomach, your hands, your head and so on but only one part, begin to dance to the melody you are singing.

After 5 min, stop singing, and listen to the sounds all around you. Compose an internal melody based on them, and dance to it with your whole body. Don't think about anything in particular, but try to memorize the images that spontaneously appear.

The dance offers an almost perfect means of communication with the Infinite intelligence.
Do for 15 min.

The listening exc

2010-01-01T01:42:00.001+01:00

Relax. Close your eyes.

Try for several min to concentrate on all of the sounds you hear in your surroundings, as if you were hearing an orchestra playing its instruments.

Little by little, try to separate each sound from the other others. Concentrate on each one, as if it were the only instrument playing. Try to eliminate the other sounds from your awareness.

When you do this exc every day, you will begin to hear voices. First, you will think that they are imaginary. Later, you will discover that they are voices of people from your past, present and future, all of them participating with you in the remembrance of time.

This exc should be performed only when you already know the voice of your messenger.

Do this exc for 10 min at a time.

The shadows exc

2010-01-01T01:39:00.002+01:00

relax completely

For five min, study the shadows of all of the objects and people around you. Try to identify exactly which part of the object or person is casting a shadow.

For the next 5 min, continue to do this, but a the same time, focus on the problem you are trying to solve. Look for all of the possible wrong solution to the problem.

Finally, spend 5 more minutes studying the shadows and thinking about what correct solutions remain. Eliminate them, one by one, until only single correct solution is left.

the Ram breathing exc

2010-01-01T01:37:00.002+01:00

Expel all of the air from your lungs, emptying them as much as you can. Then inhale slowly as you raise your arms as high as possible. As you in hale, concentrate on allowing Love, peace and harmony with the universe to enter into your body.

Hold the air you have taken in and keep your arms raised for as long as you can enjoying the harmony between your inner sensations and the outer world. When you reach your limit, exhale all of the air rapidly as you say the word RAM.

Repeat for 5 min each time you do the exc.

The blue sphere exc

2010-01-01T01:31:00.002+01:00

Seat yourself comfortably and relax. Try not to think about anything.

1. feel how good it is to be alive. Let your heart feel free and affectionate, let it rise and above and beyond the details of the problems that may be bothering you. Begin to sing softly a song from your childhood. Imagine that your heart is growing , filling the room and later your home with an intense, shining blue light.

2. When you reach this point, begin to sense the presence of the saints (or other beings) in which you placed your faith when you were a child. Notice that they are present, arriving from everywhere, smiling and giving you faith and confidence.

3. Picture the saints approaching you, placing their hands on your head and wishing you love, peace and communion with the world - the communion of the saints.

4. When the sensation becomes strong, feel that the blue light is a current that enters you and leaves you like a shining, flowing river. This blue light begins to spread thru your house, then thru your neighborhood, your city, and your country; it eventually envelops the world in an immense blue sphere. This is the manifestation of the great love that goes beyond the day to day struggle, it reinforces and invigorates, as it provides energy and peace.

5. Keep the light spread around the world for as long as possible. Your heart is open, spreading love. This phase of the exc should last for a minimum of 5 min.

6. Come out of your trance, bit by bit, and return to reality. The saints will remain near. The blue light will continue to spread around the world.
If doing this with more than 1 person, need to hold hands.

The arousal of intuitiion

2010-01-01T01:29:00.001+01:00

make a puddle of water on a smooth, nonabsorbent surface. Look into the puddle for a while. Then, begin to play with it, without any particular commitment or objective. Make designs that mean absolutely nothing. Do this exc for a week, allowing at least 10 min each time

THe Seed Exc -repeat 7 consecutive days

2010-01-01T01:18:00.003+01:00

Kneel on the ground. Then seat yourself on your heels and bend forward so that your head touches your knees. Stretch your arms behind you. You are now in a fetal position. Relax, releasing all of your tensions. Breathe calmly and deeply. Little by little you will perceive that you are a tiny seed, cradled in the comfort of the earth. Everything around you in warm and delicious. You are in a deep, restful sleep. Suddenly, a finger moves. The shoot no longer wants to be a seed; it wants to grow. Slowly you begin to move your arms, and then your body will begin to rise, straightening up until you are seated on your hells. NOW you begin to lift your body up, and slowly, slowly you become erect, still kneeling on the ground.

The moment has come to break completely thru the earth. You begin to rise slowly, placing one foot on the ground then the other, fighting against the disequilibrium just as a shoot battles to make its own space, until finally you are standing. Imagine the area about you, the sun, the water, the wind, and the birds. Now you are shoot that is beginning to grow. Slowly raise your arms toward the sky. Then stretch yourself more and more, more and more, as if you want to grasp the enormous sun that shines above you, giving you strength and attracting you. Your body beings to become more and more rigid, all of your muscles strain, and you feel yourself to be growing growing, growing - you become huge. The tension increases more and more until it becomes painful, unbearable. When you ca no longer stand it, scream and open your eyes.

rituals - the messenger ritual

2010-01-01T01:11:00.002+01:00

1. Sit down and relax completely. Let your mind wander and your thinking flow without restraint. after a while, begin to repeat to yourself "now I am relaxed and I am in the deepest kind of sleep".

2. When you feel that your mind is no longer concerned with anyting, imagine a billow of fire to your right. Make the flames lively and brilliant Then quietly say "I order my syubconscious to show itself. I order it to open and reveal its magic secrets". Wait a bit and concentrate only on the fire. If an image appears, it will be a manifestation of your subconscious. Try to keep it alive.

3. Keeping the fire aways to your right, now begin to imagine another billow of fire to your left. When the flames are lively, say the following words quietly: "may the power of the Lamb, which manifests itself in everything and everyone, manifest itself also in me when I invoke my messenger. Name of the messenger will appear before me now2

4. Talk with your messenger who should appear between the two fires Discuss your specific problems, ask for advice and give him the necessary orders.

5. When your conversation has ended, dismiss the messenger with the following words: "I thank the Lamb for the miracle I have performed. May (name of msgr) return whenever he is invoked, and when he is far away, may he help me to carry on my work.

realization after reading the Pilgrimage

2010-01-01T01:09:00.003+01:00

What I have realized today after reading the PIlgrimage was that H was my guide, just like Petrus was in the book. He was guiding me and he gave me all he could as a guide/teacher. We separated because I could move on and proceed and function without him. So his role in my life disappeared.
This realization really hit me today.
Just like the main character proceeded without the guide and found his sword/completed his journey, in the same way I will proceed with mine and will find what I am looking for, whatever it was meant to be.

happy new year!

2010-01-01T01:08:00.000+01:00

happy new year to the world!!!!

some quotes from Paulo Cuehlo

2009-12-15T22:54:00.002+01:00

From Brida

"Never be ashamed. Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cut. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.

*How will I know which is which?

By the taste. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one."

Dear God, I want a man!

2009-11-21T19:10:00.003+01:00

Dear God/Universe
I need a man
I want a soul connection. 2 souls dancing together. Blue or grey eyes, funny guy and makes me laugh. Supports my spiritual development. He is spiritual. Mature, non-smoker. He is emotionally available and full of love for me, romantic love and I am full of romantic love for him.

He is financially secure, honest and loyal. I feel loved when I am with him. He is healthy, he believes in angels. He supports me, he speaks at least 2 languages and he speaks German. Good in bed, we have hot sex. I have multiple orgasms when we have sex. He can fuck me as many times as I want in one night and he likes to give oral sex. He is patient with me and can handle my mood changes.

He is tall and I am attracted to him. He is my best friend. He is there for me. I am the center of his world but he gives me enough space to do what I want.
He is currently single when i meet him and is ready for a relationship with me. He is generous, gives a lot. Gives his heart to me on a silver platter.
I want to have a heart-to heart connection, spiritual connection and sexual connnection. I love him with all my heart.
I want a soulmate and want to feel totally myself with him.

A description of my new job

2009-11-21T19:01:00.002+01:00

Dear God/Universe
I want another job that is aligned with my mission. Job that brings me joy eery day. I am excited to do my work. I travel a lot to exciting destination which I like very much and find exciting.

I work and talk a lot with people, finding out what their needs are. I use my intuition and creativity every day. I can be as creative as I want to be.
I am very well compensated for my work.

I create good will an cooperation and knowledge which results in big bucks for the company. Mgt sees it and sees the value of what I am doing.

I have a fantastic boss who leaves me alone and lets me do my creative thing and is there to offer advice when I needed it.

There is a total flow in what I am doing. I am in the flow.

I have a very good compensation that allows me to have a very very comfortable lifestyle in which all my needs are met and I can develop further spiritually or otherwise.

My environment and job are harmonious. My colleagues are great, respectful, likeminded and we can learn from each other.
My intuition and psychic abilities on the job are appreciated. My work is fun and I loe it!
The hours are very flexible and I can work from home as much as needed.

what happened after i wrote the letter

2009-11-21T18:59:00.001+01:00

After i wrote the letter, the money started pouring in. First small amounts, but then larger amounts and gifts too. So great.
Got some money from insurance, got some money from the company, have plenty of money in October that is coming now, so life is fine. Thank you I am very grateful!

Letter to the Universe about Abundance

2009-11-21T18:57:00.002+01:00

I wrote this this summer

Dedar Universe/God/AA Michael

I have done so many good things, helped peopl so much! IN my angel practice and outside of it. And as money is only energy and I have put in lots of energy, I want a return of that energy - a refund - and i want it in cash or check or bank transfer and right away! Or as soon as possible.

I love myself and believe in myself, I love and believe in others, I know that the world is abundant, and that I feel worthy and entitled to my refund.

Thank you. With gratitude
XX

new man?

2009-11-01T00:08:00.003+01:00

on the other hand, i met a new guy who seems nice. I am not sure this will be to something as this sexcapade with R screw this one up.
However, I am leaving this little kingdom anyway, so why get involved with someone? I got it that this man R was in the way of my mission. But now this new guy P is on the horizon and he does have a daughter. What i was told was that i will meet a man, a man with a child whom I should love like my own (quote I should love her like my own). I do not know if he is the man. Now I feel a bit indifferent about this, quite frankly, after I got hurt by R. I need more time to be alone.

I also need to close down, it is imperative! I am so open.
I also talked to my friend H and decided to start taking pills for anxiety - citalopram or something like that. I am pretty sure I have terrible anxiety and this is all that is that is causing my health problems.

a new man, new breakup

2009-11-01T00:03:00.002+01:00

Met this man, R who hurt me so much.
I felt this incredible connection with this person and yesterday went to his house and was hoping to stay there for the night. It was absolutely incredible!!!
The connection, the evening, but then he told me that he lost the connection and kicked me out. Totally kicked me out.
Made me sad. But then I should be happy about this. It was a transitory thing, I asked for a man who is right for right now and this is what I got. I got something that lasted one month, on and off. I asked God to have casual sex and I did have sex.
Unfortunately, I had unprotected sex and feel very bad about that. I have lots of anxiety about it. I am very scared. He is a very promiscuous man who sleeps around alot.
So I am going to go see a doctor on Friday and get tested for STDs. Then in 6 months I want to get tested for HIV and hepatitis C.

I feel so terrible about this, so terrible. First the connection was gone and he told me to get out and then now I am so tormented about not asking him to wear a condom.

new beginning

2009-09-28T22:45:00.003+02:00

OK I am very sad about loosing him. It turned out he found himself a new woman right after I left him.
I am so sad he doesn't love me any more. But this is not what i want to blog about. What I do want to blog about is good things about separation.
I am grateful that my health is being restored. My hairloss diminished greatly. And granted I am doing acupuncture now, but it is helping. Before it did not help at all.
My friend Ye told me that this is the beginning of my new life now and only wonderful things are about to happen to me from now on. I want to hold this vision in my mind.

Only wonderful things are about to happen to me from now on. Yes, I need to repeat it as an affirmation. Wonderful thigns ARE already happening to me now. All I need to do is start noticing them.

Then I want to see if I can have a one night stand. My roommie recommended this place, I feel I need to go there on Thursday around 10 pm. Let's see what happens. I am going to manisfest an attractive guy talking to me. I also want to manifest a man in my bed.

Tomorrow I am going to go and color my hair. Color away all that gray. I am doing affirmation for the hair to stop falling out.

Only wonderful things are about to happen to me from now on...

I have been doing this anti stress CD/book by Paul McKenna and maybe this one is working also. I don't know.

Only wonderful things are about to happen to me from now on...

I got a reading and she told me that a new man is someone i know already. Who??? The german dude I contacted about Judaism and his conversion, did not respond to me.

i understand why I got this roommate

2009-07-29T22:12:00.003+02:00

I understood why I got this roommate. She is my mirror. Everything in her life is not right. Just like in my life, things in my life are not right. So I need to use her as an indicator to mirror to her or to myself that these aspects of my life are great. I will soon start blogging about that.

he came today to pick up his stuff

2009-07-29T22:08:00.002+02:00

He came today to get his stuff. It was nice to see hiim and interact with him on the surface. If only he told me how much he wants me in his life and invite me to come to be with him and that we would figure out what the future looks like together, I would leave everything I have here and come. But he did not do it. He also felt it was the right thing to do to separate and that life takes us in different directions. I felt it would be wrong for us to get back together but the pain of losing him was so strong!
So now he is gone.
I am so grateful for H and her husband S who took me in today and let me cry. She was the shoulder I could cry on. So nice!

Strange

2009-06-20T06:58:00.003+02:00

It was very odd how the feeling that I had to let him go was very strong. And it was strong that it has to happen NOW or as soon as possible.
He came yesterday to get some stuff. It was so sad to see him. He is in pain and told me he feels said and he feels like he doesn't have a home any more. I cried. I also feel that I cannot be there to comfort him. Can't do it! It hurts me greatly.
He is back in July to get more stuff.
I do feel that I need to have a consultation with a real lawyer to discuss what to do and if I am being treated fairly.

I let H go

2009-06-16T18:54:00.002+02:00

It is over, I let H go, I am so sad! At the same time I am so grateful that I spent almost 9 years with this wonderful person. I only want to keep the lessons and the love, and let the rest go.
It was very odd how it happened but it was maturing inside me for quite some time, so I was ready. He was shocked! I feel so sad for him because he is so sad! I wish I could comfort him, hold him and kiss him!
I keep getting that a child is coming but what child, what about the man?

day 1 of PP

2009-05-29T15:14:00.001+02:00

starting again with PP

2009-05-29T15:13:00.001+02:00

starting again, day 1 of PP, here we go:

day 40

2009-05-23T23:15:00.002+02:00

I acknowledge the inner presence inside of me as the source of all, as the reason why I am a master manifester as the reason why I am all-powerful.

I put my faith in the principle of abundance NOW and TRUST that things are going the way they were meant to and that I am able to manifest everything my heart desires and everything I need.

I am full of love and gratitude. i had a fantastic day today - we were driving along the MOrsel river, I bought some gifts for my clients. I am so grateful for this! The sun was shining, it was wonderful- Thank YOU. I manifested a perfect restaurant where we could eat and have privacy as we were the only clients, and the restaurant had a view of the river - just what we wanted! I am so very grateful for this fantastic!! day. I am also grateful to have received a big gift today from a Dutch acquaintance, L-A. She sent me along with 100+ other people abundance/prosperity reiki, all free. What a gift!! So thankful.

I am focusing on love and sending love to myself, H, my mom, his family. I am surrounding all of us in love!!! I am sending lots of love to all of my current clients and all of my potential clients. Seeing them being surrounded in a pink shield of love. Sending love to the universe and seing every living creature being surrounded by a pink coccoon of love. And so it is!!

grateful for the roommate

2009-05-22T23:06:00.003+02:00

I am also grateful to get a perfect roommate. It is amazing!!! Not only is it helping me financially, but it is amazing to live with this person, she was sent to me by the Divine because I was supposed to learn something from her. And I think I am supposed to learn organization. She is SUPER organized! It is quite amazing. A nice person, very wise, very intuitive, very open to her intuitions.
Impressive!

day 39

2009-05-22T22:57:00.002+02:00

I am now completely aware of my Divine consciousness, that I am Divine, that I have this Divine spark inside me. I am competely aware that this Divine part is giving me unlimited powers of manifestation.
I manifest easily and effortlessly things that I dream about, things that i desire. Now I m focusing on love and gratitude. I m so grateful, I had a fantastic day today! I went shopping, without spending money, enjoyed myself here in Germany, had good sushi, home made ice cream. Things could not have been better! I enjoyed myself so much!!! I spent a nice evening today with H, was so pleasant!!! I slept today during the day so I am well rested.
I am so grateful, it was fantastic! I am so happy I am here. I am even more grateful that I have a couple of more days here and then I am traveling to Salzburg, so already I put together what I am going to do there. Amazing! I am so happy about this!!!
I am also very grateful about having so many clients!! I am sending love to K and to the woman who contacted me about healing. I am sending love to my roommie's friend. Sending her SO MUCH LOVE. Sending love to Mike!! Sending love to all of my clients, sending love to all of my potential clients. Sending love to Mel....da (MM), sending love to another girl that joined the group. Amazing! I am seeing them all surrounded by so much love. And so it is!

day 38

2009-05-19T16:06:00.002+02:00

I am a super powerful manifester. My powers are unlimited. All I need to do is to focus on what I want and that will bring it closer. All I need to focus on is what my heart desires and it will appear in my life. I am so grateful to have this ability, so grateful that I know about my powers andd these principles on how to bring things that I need into being. So grateful!!
I feel so much love and gratitude inside.
I had such a nice day today! I slept during the day today so I am grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful it was so sunny and nice outside today. I am grateful as I focussed on what was important to me today - a visit to the taxman office. I got good advice, I am so glad!! I am grateful I still have some money on the account that will last me until my next paycheck. This is great!!! I also spent money to enjoy myself this month. I am also grateful that tomorrow I am leaving to travel to Germany. SO grateful!!!

I am sending love to my clients, to all of my clients andd to my potential clients. To the man who SMS'ed me today - I am sending him lots of love!! To the woman who contact me yesterday about healing, I am sending her a lot of love. Lots and lots of pink color of love around her heart!!!!! To the woman who contacted me about the workshop, I am sending her a lot of love and compassion. I am sending lots of love to the apt complex message board where my ad is, sending love to all the people who are reading it! Sending love to the expat forum people who are reading my ad, sending love to the craigslist where people are reading my ad!!! Lots and lots of love to the world. I am so grateful!!! Oh forgot, sending love to MM, the woman who contacted me through meetup. May she have a blissful journey to the UK and find a job that her heart earns for! Love and Blessings to the world!

my unconditional supporter thing is definitely working

2009-05-19T16:04:00.003+02:00

My unconditional supporter exercise is definitely working!! I have been getting quite a few people contacting me. And someone esle sms'ed me today about helping him. I am yet to get a confirmed appt from these people, but to me this is the sign that something is working so I need to repeat my exercise of the unconditional supporter thing.

day 37

2009-05-17T23:31:00.002+02:00

All I need to do is to be aware that I am Divine and part of God and it s the Divine in me responsibility to manifest the abundance in my life, all I need to do is be aware of the truth.

The truth is that I am a master manifester of my reality. Today I focus on gratitude and love. I am full of love for my clients. I am sending them a lot of love. I am giving them a lot of love. I am sending lots of love to myself, my mother, H and his family. I am so grateful that I have so much love. So grateful. Thank you. I had a great day today. I swam, went to sauna and it was fantastic!! Really fantastic! So grateful! I spent almost 2 hours biking today, that was very good for me. I am so glad about it. When I am happy, my clients are happy: I am so grateful for my clients. Thank you. Thank YOU.

day 36

2009-05-15T21:55:00.002+02:00

I am a powerful creator, creating my reality. I create my own reality. Therefore, it is not possible for me to have unfulfilled desires and unfulfilled needs. I manifest things easily and effortlessly into being.

I am so grateful today as I had a nice and relaxing day. The weather was fantastic, I followed my heart's desire and rode a bike for an hour. Wonderful!!! I listened to myself, left work early and bought important stuff to attach my butterflies. I bought scented candles, they are beautiful and smell so good!!! THe apartment is starting to look fantastic! I am so grateful for this. So thankful. I am so thankful for my clients, I am sending love to my clients, and sending love to the woman who contacted me through my teacher's website. I am sending her love. I am seeing her surroudned by pink light of love. I am seeing her, her friends and family surrounded by pink light of love. I am sending love to all of my clients and all of my potential clients. I can really visualize this pink light going from my heart and surrounding all of them in the light of love. I am so grateful for being able to love, for caring and for making a difference in people's lives. Thank you. Thank YOU.

day 35

2009-05-13T08:43:00.002+02:00

My supply is unlimited. I am a powerful creator who creates the reality I want. I manifest things into being easily and effortlessly.

I am focusing on gratitude today. I am so grateful for the wonderful day today. The sun is shining, it is warm and fantastic. I am grateful to have the best view from my window. Life is GRAND!! So grateful that I slept 7 hours today. So grateful that I can go do the toilet for #2 today. So grateful I am feeling at peace today. So grateful I found unconditional supporters to help me.

I am grateful for my clients, grateful that my workshop went extremely well, grateful that I had an idea about the Heart's workshop. SO happy about that!!!

I am sending love to myself, to my mother, sending her lots of love, sending love to H and his family who love and support me. I am also sending love to all my clients, I am sending them so much love!!!!So much love. All my current and future clients are surrounded in white light!!! Surronding them in pink light of love. affirming that their hearts are healed and they are happy and living the lives their hearts desire. Sending unconditional love and support to them. Sending pink light of love to the universe, to every human being, to every being in the universe. I am so happy I feel so touched with love now almost to tears. Thank you. Thank YOU!

my workshop

2009-05-13T08:41:00.002+02:00

My workshop in April went FANTASTIC! I am so grateful to be able to influence this group of people!! So thankful!!
My workshop in May did not happen, but I acquired the most perfect roommate. SO far so good.
My workshop in June will take place, I have one participant already.

tomorrow is my first angel workshop

2009-04-24T23:13:00.001+02:00

Tomorrow is my first angel workshop. I am so excited, so happy.
I also realized that in my profile is says that I am a dreamer and a scientist but want to be a spiritual teacher. I AM a spiritual teacher, the demand for my services given my limited time has been overwhelming.
I have a waiting list (of 1 person) to join the workshop. So I am going to kick off the next workshop.

Now I need to change in my profile what I want to be.

day 34

2009-04-04T19:34:00.002+02:00

I am my own supply. I am a master manifester able to create my own reality. I manifest easily and effortlessly the reality I desire. Things are happening for me now and all the doors are open.

I am filled with gratitude today as I had a fantastic day: I spent the night with H at his mom's place, spent this glorious spring day enjoying my mediumship course, learning so much. I am so grateful that I am so eager to learn and open to his criticisms and suggestions. I am so grateful that I am able to improve. Thank you!

I am so grateful that I am filled with love for my clients, I have so much love for them. I am sending them love. I am sending love to P, the client who came to see me yesterday. She is anxious, I am sending her a lot of love and affirming that things will be well with her. I am sending love to people attending my workshop in April, sending love to all of the people on the boards where I posted my ad. Sending lots of love to all of the potential clients and potential attendees. Sending them love and gratitude for being able to fill this love.

Sending love to the universe, to the world, surrounding the world with the light of my love. Love is coming straight from my heart! Sending love to myself, my hair, my body, sending love to my mom, LOTS of love to her, sending love to H, sending love to his family. Thank you for letting me be in touch with this love. Thank you!

OK, I am back

2009-04-04T19:30:00.002+02:00

I am back now. SOmehow I changed my diet -eat more fruit and fiber, stopped eating meat, stopped eating late in the evening, drink prune juice to make sure that I am not constipated and my sleep has improved. Also the hair loss dimished. I am also moving to a new place already next week. A place next to water, lots and lots of water. Should be good for me. I look forward to it.

On tuesday next week, a feng shui woman is coming, so look forward to that too. Still looking for a roommate. Let's see.

I am so grateful

2009-03-20T22:41:00.003+01:00

My first ever real workshop where I teach people to connect with their angels will take place on 25 April. I believe I already have 3 people who signed up. I am so grateful for this, I cannot really express the gratitude in words.

Today I received an email from one of the women who would like to take the course and she said to me she was grateful that she was able to take this workshop. That touched me so, it really touched my heart and my eyes filled with tears as I felt so grateful that I am able to make such a big difference in these people's lives.

I feel such a huge responsibility, I feel that it is my role to help them get in touch with their hearts, and open them up to the guidance of their angels to ensure they lead the best life they could possible lead. It is such a big role, and my ego is scared and makes me want to hide and run away, but I know in my heart that these people need me now and if I cannot do this work, then who else will help them? And this makes me stay and continue, despite my shyness, despite my fears.

I am sending all of them love. I am surrounding all of them in a pink cloud of love straight from my heart.

Not in a good state of mind at the moment

2009-03-15T18:32:00.002+01:00

I am not in a good state of mind at the moment. I am sad about H and me. I love him so much but feel that it is our time to say good byes. I am realizing that it is not him who is a bad guy who cannot return to me or cannot pay for me to come to Germany. It is just how the circumstances are. He is a wonderful guy, so sweet and I love him so much. I love him dearly. He is my friend, lover and a confidant.
But I feel I am spending a lot of energy to heal myself and it is my focus right now. I need to nurse myself back to health, whatever it takes. I cried yesterday to my mother. Not about loosing but about being alone, not having a family, moving to this shitty country for him and being alone in the end. And on top of it, being sick. I cried and cried. Today I cried because the prospective pain of loosing him set in. I cried and screamed like a wounded animal but I feel it is something I MUST do, let him go. Maybe in May.

Readings in a bookstore

2009-03-15T18:29:00.003+01:00

Well, what happened was I was very sick, with a fever but still I pushed myself to come. Before I went I asked how many clients would come and got that it was 3 clients, so 45 min.

Then I had a man who came. He was in distress and I think I really helped him a lot. But he was the only one. He spent with me about 40 min but I only charged him for 15. So maybe this was that (3 clients = 1 client of 40 min). It was so cold, and I was afraid I will get sick. I did not feel so well towards the end and wanted to leave but in general it was a good learning experience. I had some questions that I asked on the board and got answers, so it was OK. I got my issues resolved.

Day 33

2009-03-13T09:09:00.002+01:00

My consciousness is filled with the light of truth when I am aware of me being divine and being the source of my own abundance and prosperity. That means I can manifest anything I want, anything my heart desires. I am focusing right now on manifesting love, fun and gratitude in my life.

I am very grateful that yesterday I was able to sleep. Thank you! I am grateful because my workshop went well and I got very good feedback. I am grateful because tomorrow I am going to be at the bookstore doing reading. I can see people sitting there waiting for me. I am sending them love. I am sending love to all the customers who will come to see me tomorrow.

I am sending love to myself. I am sending love to H, my mom, his family. I am sending love to all my clients, so much love. I see them enveloped with this pink cloud of love. I have so much love for them. Thank you.

I am grateful that this girl M sent me a very nice email to thank me for the session. Which means she liked it. I am so grateful for this. I am sending her so much love.

I am focusing on fun in my life right now. I am manifesting friends, and fun activities to come into my life NOW.

Angel workshop yesterday

2009-03-11T22:57:00.002+01:00

The angel workshop yesterday went well. I had 4 beautiful and wonderful women. I loved them.I think they liked it too!
I did intro, then cleared their hearts and did the chanelling. It was wonderful!

day 32 (done on 9 March 2009)

2009-03-11T22:52:00.002+01:00

I am the source and substance of all my good. I am very grateful for today. I had a fantastic session. My client was happy and so was I. I am so grateful I could be of service to her. So grateful.

I am sending her a lot of love, love, love. I am also sending love to myself and my clients. I m sending love to H, my mom, his mom. I am so grateful for this. Grateful I could help. I am sending love to the 5 women tomorrow who are coming to my Angel event. I am sending love to the room. I am sending love to the people who are coming to see me on Saturday. So grateful. I feel gratitude to be of service. Thank you. I was touched to tears by the light I saw inside my client's heart. I am so blessed to be able to be in touch with my feelings and be moved. thank you!

day 31

2009-03-08T22:27:00.002+01:00

I am God. I am omnipresent and powerful creator of my own reality.

I am very grateful today because I had a fantastic day. We spent a very relaxing morning together and visited H's relatives. It was a nice visit, with great food. I so enjoyed the food and the desert and the sausages were divine!
Then we went for a nice walk, really nice. The air was so crisp, it was warm and the sun was shining. I am grateful for this experience.
I am also grateful for I chanelled some information for H which is actually something for me. I am happy that I am able to do this, and that my connection to the Source is so strong. I can hear information so very clearly! Thank you for this.

I am also grateful because I feel full of love today. I am grateful that tomorrow my client is coming. I am sending her a lot of love. I am grateful that on Tuesday I have my Angel event, I am sending love to the 5 women that are attending. Lots of love. Sending love to the place where the event will be held. Thank you. Thank you that I am so in touch with the love in my heart.
I am also grateful because the event went perfectly well (divinely) well. I received a lot of information about what I should do. So grateful.

Also so grateful that this week is my event at the bookstore. I am grateful for the clients that are coming. I am sending them so much love. I love them so much!! Thank you for giving me this ability to love and to feel that my heart is filed with love.

So grateful for that.

day 30

2009-03-07T17:42:00.002+01:00

I place my faith in God. I place my faith in myself as the Divine being that is connected to God. I have faith in myself and my abilities to manifest the reality I desire. I am now aware of this truth that I am a master manifester and am manifesting only positive experiences in my life.

I am also aware that I am moving forward towards manifesting my heart's desires. Easily and effortlessly I am getting in touch with my heart to manifest what I desire.

I am filled with gratitude today for I had a fantastic day. Great weather, nice walk, the sun was shining, a perfect day. Cannot get any better. I am also grateful because I am filled with love today. I am sending love from my heart to myself, H, the universe, my mother, his family and all human beings. I am sending love to my clients, I am sending them a lot of love. I am sending love to the girl who is coming on Monday. I am sending love to the 3 women who want to take my workshop. I am sending them a lot of love. I am sending lots of love to all the women who are signing up for my workshop.I am sending a lot of love to the women who signed up for my angel event on Tuesday. I am so happy that I feel so much love towards them. I will be of great service to them and they will also teach me things. They will teach me about love.

I am sending lots of love towards my activities related to RUssia. I am surrounding Russia and the company with a lot of love. I am grateful that I can be in touch with this love. Thank you!

day 29

2009-03-05T21:15:00.001+01:00

I am now aware of the truth that I am a master manifester and can manifest any reality I want. I am now aware. I am now in the flow.

I am very grateful because I had a very good meeting today. I am grateful because I could function today and got many things done. I am grateful because I am in good spirits. I am grateful because I am in touch with my source of love. I am grateful because my client is coming next week and TUesday I have my workshop. I am sending my clients a lot of love, straight from my heart. Thank you, I am so grateful for the opportunity to make a difference in people's lives.

Thank you.

day 28

2009-03-04T19:19:00.002+01:00

I can get anything I desire. All I need to do is manifest and trust and it will be there.

My lesson now is to TRUST. Trust the guidance that I receive.
I am very grateful today as the girl who wanted to see me is coming. She is coming next week and I am grateful that she chose me as her teacher. I am also grateful for sleeping today. Thank you. I am also grateful for the wonderful message I got at the kinesiologist today. Thank YOU. I will be following my guidance from now on, no detours.

I am filled with love, sending this love from my heart to myself, my loved ones, and the universe, and to every human being. I am sending my love to the beings of light. I am sending lots of love to my clients, and to the 3 girls who are going to sign up to my workshop. I am sending lots of love to the people who are going to sign up for the workshop in April and who signed up for the Angel event in March.

I am enveloping them in the pink shield of love. They are SO loved. They are surrounded by angels and divine light. I am so happy for them because they will begin a transformation that will drastically change their lives for the better.

I am so grateful that my heart is open and that I can be in touch with my source constantly. I am so happy!

today at the kinesiologist

2009-03-04T19:05:00.002+01:00

Today I went to a kinesiologist who told me that there is nothing wrong with me. She tested me and nothing absolutely nothing was wrong. Just like my friend M when she did a clairvoyance for me, she saw that there was nothing wrong.
The kinesiologist told me that I need to start living from my heart. Btw this morning I got a message that I need to listen to her and do what she recommends. I need to follow things that make me feel like the angel readings and workshops. This is what is good for me. THen the energy in my body is circulating and I have enough energy to regenerate and heal myself. She asked me if there was an area of my life where I was not listening to my own guidance and I told her that it was my personal life as I was told that I need to leave H, but I have not done so.

But it was a good visit, she balanced me, it was all good.

day 27

2009-03-03T23:00:00.002+01:00

I need to let go. I need to TRUST. Follow my divine guidance step by step without questioning. My responsibility is to know that I am Divine that mysoul is divine and is providing everything I need or desire and trust my guidance that will take me to where I am supposed to go, to lead me to manifestation of my desires.

I am so grateful today as I had a fantastic day. My manager offloaded a lot of work off my shoulders. Thank you for this. I can relax and enjoy and I am relaxing and enjoying. I am grateful that 3 people have signed up for my workshop in April. I am sending them love, surrounding them in love. I am sending love to myself, to H, to his family, to my mother and to every living creature on this planet. I am surrounding the planet in pink light of love.

I am grateful today as I have an idea what I am going to teach at my workshop on Tuesday. I am grateful as I know I got angels on my side supporting me leading me through this. I am happy I have 5 wonderful women joining my workshop. This is so wonderful. I am sending them LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. I am grateful that people gave me advice about my workshop, and that includes Doreen. That I need to have fun and everyone will have fun. HOw true. I am grateful for this advice. Thank you very much.

I am grateful for the guidance I got today that I need to follow the advice that my kinesiologist will give me tomorrow. Thank you very much for this. I am very grateful.

day 26

2009-03-02T20:55:00.002+01:00

My supply is unlimited and therefore all of my needs and desires are fulfilled. All I need to do is wish for and the subject of my true desire will materialize.

Right now I am wishing for the feeling of gratitude. I am very grateful to the Universe for my life. I am so grateful eternally grateful for my day today where I was so productive.
I am so grateful that I have so much love inside and am in touch wiht this love. I am so grateful that today I am sleeping 8 hours and getting uninterrupted sleep. And so it is. I am grateful and full of love for my clients, for H, for his sister, for his mom. Thank YOU! Thank YOU. I have so much love for my mother. I am sending love from my heart to all of them. I am enveloping the universe in a pink shield of love. I LOVE so deeply. I am love. I am love itself. Thank you very much for being able to feel this love deep in my heart.

I am also so grateful that my workshop is coming up so soon and I have so many ideas how I should prepare for it. Thank YOU.

day 25 of the PP

2009-02-23T19:49:00.003+01:00

I am my own supply. My consciousness of this truth is unlimited; therefore my supply is unlimited. I am grateful that my supply of love is unlimited. I am filled with love. I have so much love to give. I give it to myself,, sending it to myself, enveloping myself in the pink cloud of love. I am sending it to my mother, to H, and his family, enveloping them in a lot of love. Sending sending sending love from my heart to them. Sending love from my heart to my clients. Enveloping them in the pink light of love. I am so grateful that I can help them. Thank you. Thank YOU.

In particular I am sending love to this girl who contacted me. Sending her a lot of love. May she get what she needs in her development path.

I am grateful that I am in touch with this love and can feel in my heart so clearly! Thank YOU. I am also grateful for a good day today where I was productive. I am grateful tomorrow I do not need to go to work until THursday, grateful that I am traveling to Germany on Thursday evening. Thank you.

I am also grateful that the space that my friend occupied is now open. A big space is open for a new friend or friends.

I am upset at my friend Ye

2009-02-23T19:44:00.002+01:00

Upset at my friend Ye. She does not really care about me, she knows I am sick but shows no interest in how things are going. However I did get a message that I need to let her go and I had this feeling for a long time, so this is the answer. Our vibrations no longer match and I do have a lot of hurt, since the time she did not support me when I had my miscarriage.
I want to send love to myself to heal the hurt. I want to be grateful that her space in my life is now empty and there is space for someone else to come in. Thank you for this. Thank you.

day 24

2009-02-22T21:24:00.003+01:00

I am my supply. My spirit is divine and is connected to God. This supplies me with EVERYTHING I need and want.
I am so filled with gratitude. I feel grateful for my life, for being able to be a lightworker, for people, my clients who come to me. I am so grateful that they come to me, grateful for feeling so happy that I can help them, that they leave illuminated and at peace. I am grateful that I give them so much love and grateful that I can feel this love inside me.
I am grateful for today I had a good day. I rested, slept well, had a delicious chicken soup. I am so grateful for today. I am grateful I saw my friend M today, and she gave me the instruction to improve my social life. So grateful for that. I am grateful that I found this meditation group I am going to join. Grateful that I have decided to work part time or otherwise to call in sick. So grateful that I have the courage to do it.
So grateful I got the instructions for sure about the roommate and the moving company. Thank YOU!!
SO grateful for the good news about my growing angel practice. Made me so happy!!!

Channeled information today

2009-02-22T20:57:00.003+01:00

Chanelled info today
I asked about the future of my angel practice and got these 3 cards

1. No worries - surrender cares and worries to G-d and the angels and know that everything is truly in divine order.
I saw myself blindfolded walking in the forest, b/n the trees. I am blindfolded, walking not confidently, a bit afraid, a little shaky, but am starting to enjoy the smells, the fresh air, the feeling of being in the forest. Hear "walk the path, my child, walk the path. Take small steps, step by step, one step at a time". "You are going to the right destination, you are realizing your mission. People are coming to you now. A crowd. As you walk the path, you will realize later where you are going, but it is not the time to know. You need to follow blindly the advice and guidance of the angels. This is your main lesson now. Step by step, one step at a time, without knowing what the next step would be. We love you so much! You are so loved!!! If you could only feel the extent of this love! "
"We are standing by you and helping you in this time of transition. You are protected and have nothing to fear. "

"Step by step, one step at a time, without knowing what the next step would be. We are leading you to your destination where you will be happy and fulfilled."
Got a quote "Angel circles sprouting"

2. Success. A favorable outcome is assured
Huge success. You will be able to support yourself with this if you want to. You will be a full time lightworker if you choose to. Your job is to spread the light and open the hearts of others. Illuminate them on their path to fertility and abundance. You will be a mother (to a little boy from China? not sure if this was right but had to write it down). You are a mother in your heart and in your mind. You are a great mother.
People will come to you in great numbers seeking help, to help connect them with their children, with the souls of their unborn ones. This is your mission. You will be happy and fulfilled. Enjoy your time alone, for soon you will be nurturing another. Love and peace to you, on your journey to your destination.

3. Gratitude -Focus on what is positive in your life and you will attract even more positive situations.
Continue with the abundance tape, finish 40 days. Focus on the gratitude. Focus on love. Be thankful for what you have. Success will ensue.

Now I had some questions.
What should I do about my angel practice, where should I take it?
You made all the right steps, now sit and wait. People will come to you themselves. They will come in great numbers for your spiritual teachings. You are a great teacher and you will have followers. You will train them so that they could spread the light.

Anything I should do now?
No, sit and wait. They will come to you themselves.

Anything I need to do? Take classes?
Paul J. is the next step in your evolution, but nothing else is needed now. Meditate regularly. No healing with SS. Channeling class is also not needed. Paul J now, then wait. You won't have time to learn, for you will be needed in the world by your clients.

What about the apartment?
You will need a roommate for 6 months, someone you were supposed to meet and learn from. It will be a woman, a foreigner in her 30's. A professional woman. A blond? You will recognize her. Give her the bedroom and you will be in the room by the sea. She will move in in May. Look for her on the boards. Expat boards. She speaks English (and Dutch?).

What about improving my organization?
Your SIL will help. and call L.K.

What about my job?
Start working part time. She (your boss) will let you. Speak to HR about Russia rotation. Talking to Mr B will take you to the next step, as there will be a need for you. The new job is in the works, it is coming soon. The job dealing with Russia.

The girl that contacted me, I got to know that I should meet with her on 5 March and it will take 2 hours and no more. I should charge her 99995. And it will be enough. She is very advanced and will catch up fast. I will give her a peace of mind. She will be grateful. Wait until tomorrow to tell her. It will go well and you will help her.

What about my health, does it have anything to do with H?
Not sure if I understood the answer as they said to me that my system is stressed. His energy is affecting me. But when i get well, there will be no need for the pills.

Furniture - I should buy new furniture and rent out the apt when I go to Russia.

Now I better continue with my abundance plan.

I love my angel practice!!

2009-02-22T14:04:00.003+01:00

This is my answers to some Q&A posted on the board.

Are you currently doing your Lightwork full-time? part-time? not currently getting paid for it?
I have a left brain job and I made a decision that I will limit the hours I work there to part time (to 30 hours per week), one way or the other, so that I have more time to concentrate on my practice.I am a part-time lightworker and it feels so good to say that I am a lightworker. Whoo hoo!!! I get paid for my wonderful work since late last year.

Do you incorporate other modalities into what you do?
I just use angelic guidance and channel information for my clients. I am also a healer (Reiki master), but so far I have not used this as there was not a demand for this and I also do not feel so connected to Reiki, but so very connected to Angel practice, OMG!!!.

How is your business these days?
Since I am just starting out, and I live in a foreign country and do everything in English and not in the local language, things are going remarkably well. I feel that clients have started to come now and I have a feeling that there is a lot more clients that will come to me - it will be a hurricane! I am so excited about it!!!

Do you do mostly individual readings? Workshops? Classes?
Right now it is individual readings, but it is started to go towards workshops and teaching people more than doing readings. Someone just approached me to create a program for her where she could learn to connect to her angels and open up spiritually. I feel that my future may be in that.

What advice are the angels giving you about your practice?
I need to TRUST, work on being in abundance and not worry about money, and importantly, follow their guidance ALL THE TIME, every time. I need to forget about focusing on HOW and focus on what I desire. It is sometimes not so easy (CCD), but this is the lesson. And... taking one step at the time, without knowing what the next step will be. So far they have led me to where I need to go, led me to where I can advertise my services, all for free, gave me names of people who could help me, so I am very grateful to them for help.

What's your greatest joy with your practice?
Oh my God! I cannot really tell what it is, but it makes me happy giving information to clients, just sitting there and doing readings, gives me so much joy! Why that is, I have no idea.

What's your greatest challenge?
To take one step at the time, to take one step without knowing what the next one will be and so far it has been minimizing my time at my full time job and mimimizing its importance so that I could spend more time doing what I really love.